Recently, my father’s dementia was diagnosed as Wernecke Korskoff. As well, Dr. stated that is unsafe for him to drive a vehicle. Issue is since he is being treated at a VA hospital, they are not allowed to report to the DMV for veterans privacy rights. I have spoken to our local DMV office and our state doesn’t have any Way, requesting a driver safety test of any sort? Must come from law enforcement or a doctor? At this point, my mother says he still drives from time to time again throughout the week. I tried to help as much as I can with their legal and financial issues, but , feeling like this is a battle I don’t think I should involve in any tips. Greatly appreciated. As always, thank you all for your responses
My husband broke his glasses this week. Yesterday, I took them to a local store and asked if they could simply duplicate the glasses. I was told NO unless I had a prescription less than one year old signed by a doctor. I called our local VA hospital to request a copy of his prescription faxed to the store and I would purchase a cheap backup pair to use until his next VA eye appointment and get a new pair from the VA. I was told NO because of privacy issues but I could come in person to pick up a copy! I explained how difficult that would be and asked if I could speak to a nurse. Later a very compassionate doctor called me to see if she could help me. No they still could not fax the prescription but after discussing it, she agreed to have a copy be sent to me through the VA protected message portal. I received the message within 24 hours.
What is the deal being so private with eyeglasses?? No, it doesn't make total sense, however, it did reassure me that protecting veterans private information is taken serious by the VA.
On another issue, responding to @cover9393 "Or move to an area where most everything is either in walking or public transit distance."
I suggest that not even be a consideration for anyone with any type of dementia. Everyday there are folks with dementia (even mild) getting lost, hurt, and/or taken advantage of when they decided to simply take a walk. If the mom is capable then yes, the two of them together could consider this option. However, I would never move just for convenience of transportation for a person with dementia because it may not be long before the dementia progresses to where that is not even doable.
i think the DMVs vary a lot from state to state, but in my state, I used the driving letter at the DMV and asked them to cancel his drivers license and replace with a state non- driver ID card which they did.
some states, you can call the DMV anonymously and report an unsafe driver and they will take it from there. Other states require a special driver competency evaluation which can be hard to schedule and there is no guarantee he will drive erratically during test conditions so I would be nervous of this approach.
it took me a lot of time and argument for me to convince my mom to go along with this not to let him drive anymore and to take away his keys and sell his car. What worked was me telling her in stark terms that if a child rode a bike out onto the street in front of him and he hit and hurt or killed the child, they would be sued for everything they have including the house. They would be penniless with nowhere to live. That got through to her and steeled her resolve.
I had a similar approach with the financial letter — sent it with my DPOA to his bank and IRA broker. It turned off his ability to access his accounts. He was doing all kinds of bad stuff there too. Watch out.
best wishes to you — it’s really very hard.
I think you should talk to your Dad and maybe get his consent to stop driving when you consider it unsafe.
Does his driving make you feel unsafe in the car with him? Or are you just thinking ahead. If he argues the point, or agrees to stop when it's unsafe but reneges later when it matters - take his keys and put them where he cannot find them. It might entail an argument or many, but it will be worth it. Stress that you love him and are only thinking of his safety. You don't want to wait until it's too late. However, if his driving still seems okay maybe let him drive for a while longer(?)
An example of how popular this has become, there is an apartment complex in an inner ring suburb of Cleveland, that is near big shopping area with 2 grocers (including a Walmart), post office, several restaurants, couple banks, a hospital, library, and a transit center nearby. Needless to say, there is a waiting list to get in.
This is what is needed in many areas, that way the person that can't drive anymore will see they can get along just fine without a car.
https://www.getcaresc.com/provider/prisma-health-richland-driver-rehabilitation-program
I have known several families whose LO went through it. It is my understanding that as soon as it is obvious that a person fails, the test is stopped and they are reported to the DMV.
Another option is you may want to ask his doctor for a written statement in a letter saying it is unsafe for your father to drive... with strong wording! If so, try taking that to the DMV and see if there is a form you can complete to start the process. If that does not do the job then put the letter in a plastic sleeve and post it on the refrigerator. Explain to him that is the reason he can not drive anymore and do something drastic at that time. (take keys, sell car, make it non-driveable, etc.) This may work temporarily but when he intends to drive show him the letter each time. Hopefully this could be a peaceful way.
You may want to do something like that anyway for your father to review from time to time if he questions why he can't drive. Not having a license does not always stop someone who is intent on driving.
I know it doesn't relate to driving, but my husband became very anxious about the military wanting to reactivate him. I tried to reassure him but did not want to outright say there was no way the military would ever want him again. He brought it up at the doctor's office and I asked if she could write a statement for him to show to anyone who tried to reactivate him. That was over two years ago and I still see him in front of the refrigerator reading her letter at times.
I don't let clients and family members dictate what I am to do; and as far as riding with someone with dementia, I'm like; "Oh h%ll no! Take the keys already like yesterday!
Who pays when someone with dementia causes an accident? Having a person driving like this is endangering to themselves and to the public.
I’d say do whatever you have to do, fib or truth, he won’t remember anyway.
You need an umbrella policy through your house/fire insurance company. I have one for 1M. It doesn't cost that much and will protect your home, etc., from most suits.
Disgusting.
If mom still drives, well, just have her tell your Dad that she needs to drive to help her keep her driving skills up. So whenever they go any place, your mom has her keys in her hand (your Dad won’t be able to find his keys) and she can say she wants to drive for a change. If Dad has dementia these kinds of “fibs” are necessary. Also, your mom will need to hide her keys where Dad can’t find them.
If neither mom or dad should drive, then you’ll have to make arrangements to get them where they need to be. Either drive them yourself or hire someone or family/friends can take turns driving them. Or there may be a service for elderly transportation in your area.
If so, he should not be driving. It's a matter of reaction time. They prescribe these drugs for brains that can not process quick enough. They will not restore a brain for safe driving. Ex. Puddles appear on the road.
A driver must react very quickly to both avoid them and still stay in their lane.
I went through this with my Mom in her late 70's. She got a notice for a driver's test to renew her license. So I practiced with her and it was not good. I kept filing for extensions for her until that ran out. Finally she took that test. The instructor said she should never get behind a wheel again. That was the end of her driving.
She had me so she had no need to drive. If your Dad must drive try to get him to accept he must do so when the roads are mostly empty.
She took a "virtual" driving assessment through OT in our clinic network. They gave her a written test for executive function (judgment) and a physical reaction time test that involved standing in front of a large board covered in pressable buttons. They would light up and she'd need to press them. There were 4 versions of this test. She failed both executve and reaction testing. Then OT had to put it in her medical record and my Mom's primary doctor saw it and had to report it to the DPS. Then DPS sent out a letter of cancellation.
Maybe it's because your Father didn't take a specific driving assessment test? I would call your DPS and ask how to stop an unsafe driver.
FYI, Mom was very resistant to even seller her car. It's taken her about a month or 2 to come to acceptance. I didn't want to go to battle over the car and told her I wanted to give her the dignity of giving it up voluntarily. This acknowledgment seemed to help.
One final thing: I had an Uncle and Aunt whom I loved a lot. They built a 60-truck plumbing contracting business and were still going to the office part time in their early 90s. My cousins should have taken his car away. One day they were coming home from work in the afternoon and he went right through a red light and got t-boned on his wife's side, killing her (a 2-time cancer survivor) and the dog that was on her lap. Thankfully, the other victims were not seriously injured. My Uncle was mostly unscathed but had a dramatic cognitive decline immediately afterwards.
Please, please work to help your Mom keep the car from your Dad. Your Mom should NEVER be his passenger.
considering your mother is very fearful of Dad since there is a history of abuse ,
And since you say this isn’t a battle you really want to be involved in……
I would suggest that you tell your mother to leave him and take the car with her , and for her to go to a lawyer and get out of this abusive marriage . Short of that I see nothing else you can do .
The ball is in your mother’s court.
I hope there is only one car . If there are more , get rid of them , hide them , park them somewhere else until they can be sold .
The lady said her husband kept driving, finding the keys, getting angry at her. So she had someone build a new front fence & lock it up.
I don't think she drove herself so then relied on friends & taxis.
Drastic but it worked.
OMG! This issue of allowing folks with a broken brain to drive is so beyond maddening to me that I can't even see straight. Actually it makes me want to use some choice swear words, but that is frowned upon on this forum.
Your father driving with dementia is NO different than someone driving drunk or high on drugs, and God forbid that he were to hit and kill some innocent family or even your mother. Would you be able to live with yourself, knowing that you could have or should have done something to stop him?
And know too that if your father were involved in a horrific car accident and either severely injured or killed someone and it was discovered that he in fact had dementia, he could be sued for everything he has and he and your mother could lose everything.
PLEASE....it's not worth any of this. Time to take action now to save the lives of all those innocent people who haven't a clue that there's a man driving a deadly weapon with a broken brain on the same road that they're on.
Trust me, you'll be able to sleep much better at night as will your mother when he's permanently off the road.
Do the right thing.
Here is why. My FIL saw both public and VA doctors. But his eye doctors were strictly from the VA. When they could no longer correct his vision to the required level, even with glasses - I can remember him saying to the eye doctor "I really hope you don't report this" or something along those lines.
And her words were "It's already been reported sir." This was a doctor employed by a VA Hospital and all appointments took place on the property of a VA Hospital.
Is it possible that the difference is because he could no longer SEE well enough to drive, vs no longer had the cognitive ability to do so? Maybe, but I find it hard to believe that they couldn't report it in some way.
Can you get the medical file and notes where they stated it is unsafe and provide THAT to the DMV, then take your father in for a driver's test so that he can "prove" to you that he is capable of driving?
Often the decision to remove driving privileges is left to the family. There are more subtle ways to prevent them from driving - but often they won't agree until someone forces them and makes sure they don't have access to a driveable vehicle.
Whatever you have to do, you must do it to get him off the road before he kills or maims other people or even himself. This is nothing to take lightly. Why does your mother not make it her project to stop him? Disable his car, disable his key fob, remove the car, anything! How would you feel if you let this go and he kills someone?
My brother-in-law died on a beautiful Saturday morning when someone who shouldn't have been driving ran a stop sign and broadsided his car. BIL couldn't survive massive head injuries and died, leaving a young wife (also injured) and four children. I went to the accident scene a few days later to gather up things that had flown out of his wrecked car and saw bloody gauze that the EMTs left in the weeds at the side of the road when they were trying to stop the bleeding. Then I went to his house to cook dinner for his family. And I was crying all the way there and thinking, "Why didn't someone stop this guy from driving drunk?"
Someone may think that of your mom or you someday if you don't get your dad off the road, permanently.
You have reported him to the DMV.
Other than doing that, it isn't clear to me what else you CAN do, and I am utterly amazed that an MD will take no action in this, and would, instead, risk the lives of your Dad and anyone in his path.
I would go to the local police and discuss.