My father abused me as a child. I have "forgiven" as much as I can. I have been his care manager for the past four years from 2,500 miles away. He is in assisted living, gets wonderful care, is being seen by hospice nurse, doctor, chaplain, and social worker. I "talk" with him on Skype a couple of times a week. He's awake only 3 hours a day. I am grateful for his good care and that he will not die alone, but I feel no desire to be with him. Any thoughts?
Take care,
Carol
You have done the humane thing by seeing to this sick man's needs. You need not do more, unless you feel it would "free" you from him.
Otherwise, you have gone above and beyond...now let him and the baggage go.
Hugs
Sherrie
Due to very real similarities, I really do know where you are at. In the end though, my Dad didn't give me a choice. He chose to go off alone and (probably) die by starving himself. Selfish to the end. Inasmuch as even at his end he (obviously) attempted to inundate me with yet another form of abuse, I've never regretted not being with him when he chose to die. Unlike you though, I was never offered the opportunity to try yet again to be there in the event he wanted to vacate his historic character and attempt to make amends. (Which I would have gladly accepted.)
A hard choice, Meiho. Your answer will be found when you come to grips not with what you SHOULD do, but with how YOU will handle things throughout the years to come. For this purpose only, YOU are important, not him.
V
You must make a decision on what is important to you and live with that decision. If you are not close and this passing is not going to have any affect on your life, then do not go.
If you need closure of some sort, then, of course, do what is important for you.
Do not do anything out of obligation or societal expectation. IT will not solve anything and may only cause you anger and resentment.
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