My dad, who is 90, had surgery for small bowel obstruction almost 3 wks ago. He had many post op problems and his bowel incision is leaking. This was what the Dr was afraid might happen. He has not been oriented much since then and there is no way his frail body can withstand another surgery with general anesthesia to fix it. In the ICU they had to restrain him and he was never comfortable. We decided to get him a bed in hospice. I know he wouldn't want any more surgery. And now he is comfortable and allowed 2 visitors. He is sleeping most of the time. I talk to him sometimes and I feel like he knows I'm here. But how do you just sit and wait for someone to die?? This is tearing my heart out. I feel like I should be here all the time but I have to rest too. It's just hard for me. I was a healthcare worker for 40 yrs and I always wish I could do more. But for now, I'm going to sit with him and read my book. Thank you for listening.
I appreciate all the thoughts prayers and comments from everyone on here. This is very hard to go through but I know I'm not the first nor will I be the last. We meet with the funeral home tomorrow to discuss arrangements. I'm not sure what is allowed with covid here. But we will figure it out.
My heart goes out to you all. ❤
A poem that has helped me to keep doing what needs to be done.
Hope it helps you also:
You can shed tears that he is gone
or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he’s gone
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what he’d want:
smile,
open your eyes,
love
and go on.
Author Unknown
I'm sorry for what you're going through.
I, too, sat vigil for my daddy. I watched cartoons with him, whether he was lucid or not, sang to him, fed him popsicles and administered the morphine & Valium. Talked to him when he was awake, or not.
Just a trying time--but to me, it was beautiful and sweet. I knew his body was just preparing to let his spirit go. I'm lucky in that he loved me so much, and the last few weeks were peaceful and painless for him.
There's no 'right way' to do hospice. Let dad be your guide and God bless you with some sweet moments along the path.
After a couple days my uncles and a couple cousins arrived from out of town and we relieved each other.
When there was more than one family member there, we told stories and reminisced. Granny may or may not have been able to heard us. Before when I was on my own with her, I talked to her a bit, but she was tired and did not want to talk. I read a book and did counted cross stitch.
In the end she died on her birthday during the night when no one else was there. I think she may have waited to be alone.
Somehow we make it through. Sometimes they are afraid and want someone at their side. Others who are independent die after a person leaves the room.
Don’t wear yourself out. Get rest when you need it.
The good thing is that people don't usually die with no warning. Their breathing changes, and the hospice nurses will notice. You can get your rest and have them call you if they notice his breathing changing.
I was taking a much-needed nap when my dad's breathing changed. The nurse had been sitting with him, went to the restroom, and when she came back, she noticed the change. She told my brother, who woke me up, and my dad passed about 45 minutes later with all of us by his side.
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