My dad, who is 90, had surgery for small bowel obstruction almost 3 wks ago. He had many post op problems and his bowel incision is leaking. This was what the Dr was afraid might happen. He has not been oriented much since then and there is no way his frail body can withstand another surgery with general anesthesia to fix it. In the ICU they had to restrain him and he was never comfortable. We decided to get him a bed in hospice. I know he wouldn't want any more surgery. And now he is comfortable and allowed 2 visitors. He is sleeping most of the time. I talk to him sometimes and I feel like he knows I'm here. But how do you just sit and wait for someone to die?? This is tearing my heart out. I feel like I should be here all the time but I have to rest too. It's just hard for me. I was a healthcare worker for 40 yrs and I always wish I could do more. But for now, I'm going to sit with him and read my book. Thank you for listening.
Pray is the best thing for you and your dad.
May God give you the strength and comfort you need.
My Dad went into hospice 2 months before he passed. He and Mom always said they preferred to have visitors while they were living rather than at their funeral, so the children and grandchildren to see him right away. When he was put on the eminent status on the Thursday before he passed, my brother was on a job site and felt he could not leave. He said if Daddy died before he got there, then it was God's will, and that he (brother) would be at peace with that. My sister and I took turns sitting with him through the night, by his bed, holding his hand. When she was there, I slept on the couch in the same room. When I was there, she felt better going to her own home (20 minutes away) to rest. My brother arrived on Saturday, and I was so very thankful. Saturday night I thanked Daddy for waiting until my bother got there and it was OK if he "went home." Sunday morning the chaplain came and said he was suprised Daddy had hung on that long. My brother's wife suggested that maybe we should call my other sister (who had come to visit a few months before and knew she could't afford to come back). That sister's husband was a policeman who was killed in the line of duty and preferred to not be close when Daddy passed. Anyway, we called my sister, put her on speaker, and she said "I love you Daddy" and within 45 minutes he was gone. I had thought Daddy was waiting for my brother to come home, but I think he was waiting on my sister to call too. Mom, my brother and his family, sister and her husband, my husband and I were all present (in the house) when daddy passed. Several of us were by his bed when he took his last breath, and we knew that was the way he wanted to go (in contrast to my MIL who preferred to die without an audience).
Now my mom lives with us and has been in hospice for 6 weeks, but she has improved remarkably in the last 3 weeks. Her short-term memory is gone, she sundowns and gets agitated, but physically she is much better. I wouldn't be surprised if at the end of her initial certification period they do not recertify her - and that will be OK. I appreciate all the help Hospice has provided (used the same agency with Daddy 2 years ago and some of the people are still there). I fully expect my mom will want as many of us possible around her when she leaves this world.
That being said, if our loved one passes when we are not present, rest assured it was probably their choice, and they were not truly alone, that the angels were surrounding them to keep them company.
I'm sorry for your loss. Praying for you.