My dad, who is 90, had surgery for small bowel obstruction almost 3 wks ago. He had many post op problems and his bowel incision is leaking. This was what the Dr was afraid might happen. He has not been oriented much since then and there is no way his frail body can withstand another surgery with general anesthesia to fix it. In the ICU they had to restrain him and he was never comfortable. We decided to get him a bed in hospice. I know he wouldn't want any more surgery. And now he is comfortable and allowed 2 visitors. He is sleeping most of the time. I talk to him sometimes and I feel like he knows I'm here. But how do you just sit and wait for someone to die?? This is tearing my heart out. I feel like I should be here all the time but I have to rest too. It's just hard for me. I was a healthcare worker for 40 yrs and I always wish I could do more. But for now, I'm going to sit with him and read my book. Thank you for listening.
Also, Hospice does provide grief counseling and i would encourage you to speak with them....
The good thing is that people don't usually die with no warning. Their breathing changes, and the hospice nurses will notice. You can get your rest and have them call you if they notice his breathing changing.
I was taking a much-needed nap when my dad's breathing changed. The nurse had been sitting with him, went to the restroom, and when she came back, she noticed the change. She told my brother, who woke me up, and my dad passed about 45 minutes later with all of us by his side.
I'm sorry for what you're going through.
I, too, sat vigil for my daddy. I watched cartoons with him, whether he was lucid or not, sang to him, fed him popsicles and administered the morphine & Valium. Talked to him when he was awake, or not.
Just a trying time--but to me, it was beautiful and sweet. I knew his body was just preparing to let his spirit go. I'm lucky in that he loved me so much, and the last few weeks were peaceful and painless for him.
There's no 'right way' to do hospice. Let dad be your guide and God bless you with some sweet moments along the path.