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About ten years ago…I chose to be POA for my Emotionally and severely Physically born handicap 1st cousin who my dad and her church helped move her into a DIDD Gov. Run home in her hometown. I live in a different state , almost 13 hours from my 59 year old cousin.



No other relatives were helping to look after my cousins needs, and I saw personally she was being stolen from by her caregivers. Being my cousin's POA has totally stressed out my husband of 40 years and myself, to the point her issues almost caused us to divorce. We had to report physical abuse and monetary stealing by her own House mom.


A police report was filled by us, but falsified by the police in order to keep the Gov. Run home free from negative reviews.


Since that time, the Gov. Run Agency that oversees her home has made life difficult for me. Once I was told by her case manager, who was stealing from her too, that he personally was going to sue me for slander of his image.


My husband and I got nervous and quickly had to pay off our home in case this caseworker was serious. Talk about hell.



Since the incident was reported to the police, I have never been allowed by the Gov Run Agency to see my cousins bank funds, or ever be allowed to converse with her doctors about her health, or be allowed to be involved in her yearly agency plan.


My cousin has had a few honest house moms along the way recently, but some of her house parents have Been scary. Now, she currently has a male main caregiver for her and her other two ladies that live in her DIDD home.


This male caregivers wife had been reported as abusing my cousin, and she got fired. Now this caregiver is taking it out on my cousin that his wife was fired. He has broken her expensive lift chair in the main room, which has stayed broken now for over six weeks. He refuses to Give my cousin food she bought for herself, he also refuses to give my cousin drinks like coffee and chocolate milk that she purchased.


Because my cousin was born with only one usable hand, she can’t do for herself. She has to have assistance to walk for being born with her feet backwards. She wears braces on her feet up to her knees. Because of COVID, and no available ramp to go outside her back yard to try and walk, she has gained over one hundred pounds. My cousin is close to being bedridden because of her handicaps, and now because of her weight gain.


When this male worker works for three days straight, my cousin can’t get bathed. This is unacceptable to us. But even speaking with my cousins State advocate, who has an office inside her Gov. Run Agency building, the advocate just skips over the issue of any problems we tell her.


The ISC advocate always uses the excuse, I don’t have personal contact with your cousin, so I can’t comment. To me, this is not acceptable to hear from a State advocate, who is only two miles from my cousin's home.


We told her my cousin should have a safe ramp to allow her the opportunity to go out back and sit on her patio or walk around for exercise. We told the ISC advocate my cousin does not even have a Handicap compromised bathroom.


How can these important safety issues be washed under the rug by a state advocate?


Because my cousin can no longer go outside for over two years now, she has gained so much weight she could be wheelchair bound soon. No one cares but us.


We even asked the ISC Councelor if it was possible for my cousin to please get a lap band surgery for fear of her health declining quickly, and no response to that question has happened.



My cousin wants to stay living in the town and within the Agency because she has friends and a boyfriend.


I wanted to move my cousin closer to me so I could watch over her. My cousin only knows her hometown that she grew up in and wants to stay there, despite her abuse.


How can all these terrible things happen to a DIDD person and it be ok?


How can a ISC Counselor for a DIDD home, be an advocate if she doesn’t visit her client To make sure her needs are being met?

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I am sorry for all of your stress but I honestly cannot imagine how you can be POA for someone this far away with--if your post is correct--this level of abuse. It doesn't seem something that can be managed long distance to me. If your cousin is mentally competent you cannot force a move near you, either.
I think a case this complicated needs professional help of a Lawyer's advice. Wishing you well.
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Orbit60 Apr 2022
Thanks for your help.
I have tried finding a free attorney for advice. Had no luck. Any suggestions on where to find one?
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I would see if her state Ombudsman covers this type of home. Then place a complaint.
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Orbit60 Apr 2022
How would I find out who her state Ombudsman is?
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Have you contacted BIA? I can't imagine that the tribe would allowing this abuse without stepping in with an actual tribal advocate.

Where are you getting your information from?
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Orbit60 Apr 2022
Thanks for answering.
What is a BIA?
My information comes from personally being involved.
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What is an ISC counselor?
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Countrymouse Apr 2022
Independent State(-appointed) Counsel or something? Only guessing!
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Shocking choice of POA. How did you expect to support your cousin's day to day wellbeing from 13 hours away? - were you at the time living in her home town? It just strikes me as ironic that you're asking how the ISC can fall back on her ignorance of your cousin's living situation when you can't possibly be much better informed yourself.

Still. The answer is that it is not acceptable for your cousin's individual needs to be disregarded or for there to be a lack of continual reviews of those needs and adjustments made to her care plan; and face to face, direct contact and direct inspection are essential parts of those activities. So if the ISC isn't visiting your cousin in person and seeing her circumstances at first hand, where is she getting her information? It's a fair question.
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Yes, why Indian Affairs. I see no reference to this person being of American Indian decent. But if they are, then get them involved.

Look up the persons State Government Ombudsman should be listed.

Legal Aid maybe able to help you. They charge onbscale.

My nephews coordinator works for an agency assigned by the State to oversee him. She answers to a supervisor. If your cousins coordinator is not doing her job there must be someone above that person to complain too. Also, my nephew has a contact with the State he can call. He also has the option to change agencies if he feels the present one is not helping. Since I am his POA I got him set up and have all contact info.

I agree about the coordinator. Before COVID my nephew saw his coordinator once a month. Then it was calls once a month. Lately visits have started up again. He also has been given an aide once a week to help him with cleaning etc.
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There is an Abuse Hotline if you are talking about this residential home being in Tennessee. https://www.tn.gov/didd/divisions/protection-from-harm/questions---answers.html
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To answer one of your questions, you can find out who the Ombudsman is in your cousin's state and how to contact the, by looking it up on Google or by calling her state's department of social services or whatever it's called where she is.
I have a few questions about your cousin's situation.
How are your cousin's caregivers at the home able to steal her money and restrict you from seeing bank statements if you are her POA? You would be the one in charge of her money and the one administering it so the bank statements and other bank information would be mailed directly to you because you're the POA? Take your POA documents and visit a branch of whatever bank your cousin's banking is done at and have the address where they send the bank statements changed. Then open new accounts.
You say that your cousin is severely handicapped emotionally and physically. That does not mean that she is intellectually disabled (retarded) and incompetent to make decisions and rationally communicate.
You need to retain a lawyer for your cousin. The home she's in cannot and will not prevent someone in your cousin's condition from meeting with their attorney. People who would become very famous very fast because every kind of advocate and social justice warrior hears a story like your cousin's and five minutes later the protest is on by her care home. As for the case manager who threatens to sue you for slandering his image. Is he going to sue the internet and the news when a story like this goes public? That's what happens when people get a hold of something like this.
Retain a lawyer for your cousin. Speak to the state police (not local) where your cousin is as well.
I have one more thing to say. Caregivers not talking a client into weight loss surgery is not abuse. That would be your cousin's decision.
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How did paying off your home help?

There are an awful lot of holes in this story.
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If you are her POA, you can use HER funds for an attorney.
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Are you sure you POA has not been overridden and the State now has control? Even though my nephew is pretty much cared for by the government, no one has excess to his bank accts but me and him. I am his payee for his Moms government pension. And probably could be payee for hi SS if needed.
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