Hello and it's my first time on this forum. I don't even know where to start, it's all so complicated. Just knowing you're all here gives me hope that I'll find help and understanding when I'm ready to put it all into words. My mother is 98 years old and still doing not-too-bad in an independent living facility. I moved into the same building that she's in, 6 weeks ago, to give her the extra care she seemed to need to keep her from having to move into an assisted living place, which she was dead set against. We're constantly locking horns. I overheard a conversation just this evening between her and my brother (yes, I was eavesdropping) that shocked me. And hurt my feelings. And now I'm thinking I made a huge mistake in moving halfway across the country to be of assistance to her, and to give my 3 brothers in town a bit of a break from the mother-care they've been doing for years. I was thinking it may have been a huge mistake before I overheard that conversation, because I was already so frustrated with things. Like I said, long story, but at least this a start.
My advice - give it some time. Back off a little, be there for her, but just as a good neighbour and friend. I think you may be filling your thoughts and time with her care and perceived needs because you left a full life and now have a void to fill. Take time to settle yourself and find things to occupy you separate from your mom and sibs, when you have outside supports it will be less hurtful to be rejected.
But it sounds as if you were very disturbed by the conversation. Can you put it in perspective in relation to your mother's condition? Did you discuss it with your brothers, and was the conversation of a nature that they had experienced as well? What were their thoughts? How long has it been since you were involved with her on a more regular basis?
How do your brothers feel about your moving here? Were they aware of your plans before you moved?
I think you really need to give this a chance so you can put it in perspective before making a decision. If you haven't seen her in years, any changes, and anything she might say that's negative, need to really be put in perspective.
And ask yourself what your plans would be if you do feel that moving was a mistake? Would you move out of the same building or back to the area you left?
These are big decisions; give the situation some time to figure out more about what might be going on.
Best of luck, dear woman.
My mom is 87 and still pretty "Sharp" but I'm amazed sometimes by things she will blurt out.
You have to grow a think skin. Consider the source and take it with a grain of salt.
Apart from the mother angle, are you happy with the move?
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Personally, i think when you're overhearing some that you did NOT share with us in this helpful caring forum, it made you feel a little bad, or think differently.I think that you are not really burned out (Just my opinion here) I think it is a regret feasibly, (after) hearing whatever it is you heard.TAKE time for you. I do know it helps so many i've read here.
-If you are really feeling so burned out, get OUT.Meaning move to a different, however close by location/area.It doesn't have to be the "same"building.Not at all.I am 1 who am grateful i am here for both mi parents, as long as i am since dad fell ill.(Recovered beautifully/thank GOD from a light to mild stroke.)After he was not ever ill for 82 years. He is and my mom early 80s,but doing well,
as i am keeping both,and dad i get out much,and then at night relax, watch tv, a nice dinner laughs!I am not one to get burned out.I love each minute i have with mi parents and staying here for a while now my dad always remind me and my mom is a blessing. I am also the youngest out of five. I am also VERY happy to hear your loving mother living in mid to late 90s and still quite capable/doing well i am sending a prayer her way and yours. If i was you?
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I would do as others cite, "Take time for your self."I am guessing if she is that age you're in your seventies/and or early to mid upper 60s,so still lots of life hopefully to live and enjoy, by just taking some time for YOU." I wish you good health each day and hugs and blessings going your way today.adios..God bless you both.
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