Hello and it's my first time on this forum. I don't even know where to start, it's all so complicated. Just knowing you're all here gives me hope that I'll find help and understanding when I'm ready to put it all into words. My mother is 98 years old and still doing not-too-bad in an independent living facility. I moved into the same building that she's in, 6 weeks ago, to give her the extra care she seemed to need to keep her from having to move into an assisted living place, which she was dead set against. We're constantly locking horns. I overheard a conversation just this evening between her and my brother (yes, I was eavesdropping) that shocked me. And hurt my feelings. And now I'm thinking I made a huge mistake in moving halfway across the country to be of assistance to her, and to give my 3 brothers in town a bit of a break from the mother-care they've been doing for years. I was thinking it may have been a huge mistake before I overheard that conversation, because I was already so frustrated with things. Like I said, long story, but at least this a start.
My mom is 87 and still pretty "Sharp" but I'm amazed sometimes by things she will blurt out.
You have to grow a think skin. Consider the source and take it with a grain of salt.
Apart from the mother angle, are you happy with the move?
My advice - give it some time. Back off a little, be there for her, but just as a good neighbour and friend. I think you may be filling your thoughts and time with her care and perceived needs because you left a full life and now have a void to fill. Take time to settle yourself and find things to occupy you separate from your mom and sibs, when you have outside supports it will be less hurtful to be rejected.
But it sounds as if you were very disturbed by the conversation. Can you put it in perspective in relation to your mother's condition? Did you discuss it with your brothers, and was the conversation of a nature that they had experienced as well? What were their thoughts? How long has it been since you were involved with her on a more regular basis?
How do your brothers feel about your moving here? Were they aware of your plans before you moved?
I think you really need to give this a chance so you can put it in perspective before making a decision. If you haven't seen her in years, any changes, and anything she might say that's negative, need to really be put in perspective.
And ask yourself what your plans would be if you do feel that moving was a mistake? Would you move out of the same building or back to the area you left?
These are big decisions; give the situation some time to figure out more about what might be going on.