My once meticulously groomed dad now goes without bathing--it will be 2 YEARS in May 2016 since he's taken a full body shower--or shaving. He rebuffs all suggestions that he get rid of the shaggy beard and outright refuses to bathe.
I know there are greater issues out there. I know this is probably my hangup. So how do I deal with this? It is getting to the point where I can barely stand to sit across from him at the kitchen table and eat. Meanwhile, dad thinks it absolutely hilarious that his live-in caregiver and daughter finds this disagreeable.
Has anyone ever dealt successfully with this problem? And I reiterate, I'm sure it's my hangup as it certainly isn't his. Help!
He will not leave the house AT ALL, not even to sit in the backyard anytime the weather is pleasant (!!). We have given up hope that any family dinners at Tgiving, Xmas, Easter, etc., will be physically uncomfortable for everyone as we have to jam 4 add'l people into the tiny brick ranch where dad, my husband and I live. These holidays were always a joy for me and my sister, as she would host them and they were a great respite for me. Dad won't go out. Our last holiday was Christmas 2013. Since then he literally has not be out of the house more than 4 times. Each time getting him out, for the essential purpose of seeing his doctor, took my sister, my husband and myself to coax, wheedle and then finally lose our tempers and with voices raised, to get him to go. We have since given up this fight and have home health care.
His one heath issue (besides dementia) is his circulatory system. He had a major pulmonary embolism in April 2013 that was arrested and treated. He is on daily oral medication for that. Otherwise, his BP is better than mine; his pulse and oxygen levels are wonderful.
He also saves his horrid behavior mostly for me, as I am the one he sees most. Around strangers he is Mr. Charm, ebullient and cracking jokes. This is aggravating. But yes I know: deal with it and live with it. I have been since February 2012. Still h*ll though.
We've also bought him a very nice electric shaver--won't use it, claims it "pinches" his skin. And the bathroom has a specially modified walk-in shower, no slippery surfaces at all; grab bars all around. Ideal for seniors. All this modifications were made long ago, by my mom and dad when they thought of their impending age. Doesn't make any difference. He still will not shower, will not shave. He looks like a street person.
This is the hardest job I have ever had in my entire life. Older sibling thought it was "no big deal, quit complaining", after caring for him for 3 months she threw in the towel and unceremoniously sent him back to live in his house, leaving my husband and I with no other alternative than to sell our home and move in with him. Dad cannot be left alone for longer than 5 hours at a time.
I consider it a blessing that I have a part time job at Starbucks, 5 hours, 5 days a week. Being able to escape from this prison and be around other people has helped my mental well being enormously.
One of my neighbors when he retired from work grew his hair long [now it's a long ponytail] and has a Santa Claus type beard.... for exercise he rides his bicycle all over the area wearing on his head a straw hat and on top of that straw hat is a safety bike helmet, it's comical looking :) He's is happy as a lark.
See All Answers