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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You can not make her go to PT and even if PT is started they can only work with her while she makes progress-how is she working in this condition -it sounds like she does not want help and hard as that may be for you that is her decision esp. since she has a paying job-maybe if every one backs off and it is no longer a fight she may realize she needs to be responsible for her health-does she take care of herself and get to work and back and live alone-if she does she has to be the one to ask for help.
Chatty - Why does your mom need the PT? Is it due to a fall? a break?
Given your mom's condition, it sounds like there is little chance you can MAKE her go to PT. If it were my mom, I'd see if she could be admitted to a nursing home with on-site PT, they have the staff and means to get her to PT and back to her room safely and with little effort on her part. Plus they can monitor her meds, meals and vital signs to ensure she's not over doing it. Talk with her doctor to see if s/he'll prescribe this, in that case medicare or her primary insurance will likely pay for it all. Tell him there's no other way to ensure she gets the help she needs to rehabilitate and stay home.
My mom needs the PT because of her weight - one of her feet is sort of dragging behind her when she walks, getting up and out of her chair is so painful that she is using incontinence pads instead of walking to the bathroom. She can't get up from certain chairs without assistance, and it is really an effort for her. She's probably near 350 pounds, she's taking oxycontin for the pain in her feet, legs, and arms, she's pretty much a ticking time bomb.
My mom is 57 and very stubborn. She has told me that there is no way she is going to do anything about her condition. I feel like she is just waiting to die.
How can I talk to her doctor? I like the nursing home idea, just so she can get the treatment she needs. My mom flat out said her job won't give her the time off to go to therapy.
Thank you for your replies, I appreciate the feedback a LOT.
She drives herself to work, then sits at her desk all day. She walks with a cane, and she moves as little as possible when she is home. This is where the incontinence pads come in. Once she sits down, that's it. She doesn't get up again until she goes to bed. She is taking care of herself, but my concern is that she is getting to a state where she isn't going to be able to - and at 350 pounds, I don't have the physical strength to move her myself. If she becomes immobile... well that's a great fear for me, is that she won't be able to do anything. It's never been a fight, nobody has ever attempted to help her. I'm just now realizing how serious this is, and wondering how I can best assist her. It's like she's sitting herself to death, you follow me? She does NOTHING but watch tv and eat. She says "well if the pain gets too bad they can just cut my legs off" but I really don't think that is going to help the situation.
She's never going to ask for help. She's decided that this is how it is, and this is how it will be. She deserves better than this, but I can't do it for her, you know?
I don't want to come off like "but if someone had a gun in their mouth you'd take it away, right?" but I don't know how I can just let her do this to herself. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to me either, because when she deteriorates I am going to have to take care of it. Selfish of me, yes, but I can't help feeling that way. I don't think she understands the seriousness of the situation. I just want to help her - I'm scared of losing her, and I'm scared of alienating her by bringing up my concerns. Thanks for the suggestions, anyway.
Since she has a job she probaly knows the score and this is her decision-you will not have to take care of her she can be placed when the time comes-she knows what will be I am sure her co-workers have tried to help-she may be one of those who want care for themselves which you will never do all she will want-maybe if you sit down with her once and tell her how you feel that is all you can do-I saw this with the husband -he always talked about suicide and in the end he did not want to live and I will nver be sure what he did in the end-maybe saved all his pills to take at once or whatever I did all that a person could do to extend his life and have no FOG as Crowmagman says now one year later he did shut me out the last few days but that was his doing-it was not my responsibility for his happyness or failure thereof he had wanted to die for a very long time or he would not have given himself too much insulin-he was very bright but grew up in a difunctional family and the traits were ingrained into him from a young child he thought his mother and grandfather were saints which they were not-I was told by others how evil they were and there was nothing I was able to do his mother convinced him I was inferior and I thought that was true for many years but know I am not inferior and never was
Chatty - it sounds like there is a lot more going on with your mom - emotionally I mean. She's probably very depressed and given her weight food and TV is all she feels she has. It's probably all she can do to muster the strength to go to work. She obviously doesn't understand how much she means to YOU. If she is using incontinence pads at home she runs the risk of urinary tract infections and skin problems. She may not care about that either. Don't worry about lifting her if she falls, you can always call 911, they will help her up, check her out and admit her to a hospital if necessary. If she has this many problems and is so heavy, you can tell doctors and social services at the hospital - once she gets there - that you can't care for her at home. Tell them she needs to go somewhere with staff that's trained and that has specialized equipment to move her to showers, etc. It is not selfish of you, it's practical and honest. She can't expect you to risk injury to yourself to care for. There is also further risk of injury to HER if you were to drop her or if she were to fall on you.
Chatty, I am your mothers age, and I also was 100 pounds heavier than I am now about 4 years ago. Believe me, there is nothing you can say to her that she doesn't already know. She hears the words ringing in her ears every time she tried to move that bulk around. I also know that until she decides she's had enough, she will not be moved. The way I lost the weight was the old fashioned way, eating less, and exercising. For me, I needed a gimmick to kick start the weight loss, and once I started seeing a change it was much easier to keep it up. Going to Curves for Women was also a life saver for the exercise part. I don't know if she's well enough to have the lap band, or even gastric bypass surgery, but if she feels she is out of control, then she needs to check into it. Believe me, I feel for her and you also. Apparently every doctor on planet earth says that being fat is the cause for every disease known to man. (sarcasm inserted here) But it's no fun being fat, that's for sure.
Yep, mom's depressed, she's been taking anti-depressants for years.
Being overweight is horrible - I go to 24 hour fitness 6 days a week because I got up to 240 pounds this year and started having problems myself. Things are changing, I am getting stronger, and honestly I was looking into a lap-band for ME so she could see that success is possible with it - and yeah, she knows that her weight is making everything worse. I don't necessarily want to be all like "you need to do a diet, and exercise with me" I just want to help her do something. Her doctor has recommended the physical therapy, she's just not into it.
I am just going to try to be cool, enjoy the time I spend with her, and see what happens. I will try to get something about urinary tract infections into casual conversation - I had no idea that could be a problem :O
Thanks again for the replies, I feel better just knowing there are people who are familiar with this sort of stuff. I just wish I could help my mom feel better.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Given your mom's condition, it sounds like there is little chance you can MAKE her go to PT. If it were my mom, I'd see if she could be admitted to a nursing home with on-site PT, they have the staff and means to get her to PT and back to her room safely and with little effort on her part. Plus they can monitor her meds, meals and vital signs to ensure she's not over doing it. Talk with her doctor to see if s/he'll prescribe this, in that case medicare or her primary insurance will likely pay for it all. Tell him there's no other way to ensure she gets the help she needs to rehabilitate and stay home.
My mom is 57 and very stubborn. She has told me that there is no way she is going to do anything about her condition. I feel like she is just waiting to die.
How can I talk to her doctor? I like the nursing home idea, just so she can get the treatment she needs. My mom flat out said her job won't give her the time off to go to therapy.
She drives herself to work, then sits at her desk all day. She walks with a cane, and she moves as little as possible when she is home. This is where the incontinence pads come in. Once she sits down, that's it. She doesn't get up again until she goes to bed. She is taking care of herself, but my concern is that she is getting to a state where she isn't going to be able to - and at 350 pounds, I don't have the physical strength to move her myself. If she becomes immobile... well that's a great fear for me, is that she won't be able to do anything. It's never been a fight, nobody has ever attempted to help her. I'm just now realizing how serious this is, and wondering how I can best assist her. It's like she's sitting herself to death, you follow me? She does NOTHING but watch tv and eat. She says "well if the pain gets too bad they can just cut my legs off" but I really don't think that is going to help the situation.
She's never going to ask for help. She's decided that this is how it is, and this is how it will be. She deserves better than this, but I can't do it for her, you know?
I don't want to come off like "but if someone had a gun in their mouth you'd take it away, right?" but I don't know how I can just let her do this to herself. It's not fair to her. It's not fair to me either, because when she deteriorates I am going to have to take care of it. Selfish of me, yes, but I can't help feeling that way. I don't think she understands the seriousness of the situation. I just want to help her - I'm scared of losing her, and I'm scared of alienating her by bringing up my concerns. Thanks for the suggestions, anyway.
Being overweight is horrible - I go to 24 hour fitness 6 days a week because I got up to 240 pounds this year and started having problems myself. Things are changing, I am getting stronger, and honestly I was looking into a lap-band for ME so she could see that success is possible with it - and yeah, she knows that her weight is making everything worse. I don't necessarily want to be all like "you need to do a diet, and exercise with me" I just want to help her do something. Her doctor has recommended the physical therapy, she's just not into it.
I am just going to try to be cool, enjoy the time I spend with her, and see what happens. I will try to get something about urinary tract infections into casual conversation - I had no idea that could be a problem :O
Thanks again for the replies, I feel better just knowing there are people who are familiar with this sort of stuff. I just wish I could help my mom feel better.