My mom is 94 with congestive heart failure. I live two hours away but have been helping as best I can. I was going up every few weeks and staying 3-4 days. The sisters decided it wasn't enough and when I suggested that Mom might eventually have to go into assisted living and that I would be unable to stay a week at a time, they sent an e-mail cutting off all communication with me. I can't get any info about Mom's Dr visits. I'm told not to call while they are there and when I went to visit last week, I got a text telling me I now have to inform them when I am coming for a visit as they do not want to be there when I and my family are there. They are treating my other sister the same way. She lives in the same community and has three daughters, one of whom is a nurse and they would do ANYTHING to help but they will not speak to her or her daughters either. My Mom lives in a five bedroom country house on an acre of property. The two sisters insist that she stay there so they want the house cleaned and the yard done, groceries etc. and in their anger they sent the e-mail saying they did not expect any help from me or my other sister but then they just get angrier and angrier at all they have taken on. They have done all sorts of petty things. They got rid of every picture of my sister's and my family and kids. I take meals for my Mom when I go, they throw them away. They yell and intimidate, it's like a Jerry Springer show. I never respond, not to the e-mails, texts or the verbal abuse. In the past I just made sure I drove up when I knew they would be at work. I don't have the temperament to handle yelling and fighting. Frankly, it scares me. Now they want me to text them when I plan a visit but I don't want to because that just opens the door for them to send me just awful responses. I did block their contacts in order to stop that ugliness but then one of them used someone else's phone just to "let me have it" her words. :-( I am considering not going to the memorial service when my mom passes. I can only imagine how awful it would be. To put it in some perspective, I am 70 years old and the drive to my Mom's is all on a busy interstate highway and it's hard for me to navigate by myself. I am considering getting a lawyer so that when my Mom passes, they will just leave me and my family alone. I just want to walk away and have some peace. My other sister just cries all of the time about my Mom and how she wants to care for her and isn't allowed. My other two sisters are bi polar and unmedicated and have terrible tempers, so there is all kinds of crazy going on. I guess I am asking for advice as to when to just walk away. How do I take care of my own mental health and still do the right thing for my Mom. And how do I help my other sister who lives there because she needs support? I have also suggested to the two sisters that we get a Family mediator to calm things down, get us to a better place. They laughed at me :-(
I have 2 BiPolar cousins. One has excepted his problem and works not to get manic. The other I hear is off the Wall and refuses help. I don't think ur sisters would harm Mom I just don't think they are the people that should be in charge of her care.
I have found that most of these rivalries are driven by money, who gets what they are not driven by what is best for the LO.
I do not allow toxic people in my life...anymore....used to but I am at the age where I have decided that I will not be abused by anyone. When it comes to either me or them, I chose me.
Dealing with your sisters and good mental health, well that will never happen, that is considered polar opposites, will never happen.
You cannot help your sister who keeps crying, perhaps she needs some therapy, as for you, I would walk.
I’m going through some sister misery myself. I live 3,000 miles away from my parents. I come in to stay with them every other month to pull my weight because I don’t feel it is fair to my sisters that they have more to deal with because I don’t live here anymore.
My two sisters live a couple of miles away from my parents. My sisters do not speak to each other, they are twins and have lots of issues stemming childhood and our mother. This feud has gone on for at least five years. They now HATE each other. I’ve suggested that they go to counseling to try to reconcile but neither one wants to do that. I now find myself in the position of being a go between and relaying updates I receive from one sister to the other from 3000 miles away. Very dumb, I know. This feud has destroyed the family, it’s dead now. I plan to away from these relationships after my parents are gone. It’s simply too toxic.
i would have hoped they would have had the maturity to put this feud aside when it comes to issues that concern my parents. But they won’t. And I feel that I’m enabling this behavior. Very depressing.
1. To use words other than tantrums
2. Not everything goes their way
3. To accept help
4. To accept non-family help
Your mob has not yet. Give them space & time to work these things out.
Remove toxic influences in your life.
:)