And expects me to come over to look for it but will never ask. It's easy for some else to look for them.
I can't help but to keep thinking of the days when I was younger, she would get so inpatient with me not being able to keep my belongings in order. She would tell me to this day that the reason why I lose things is because I don't have a designated place for things and criticizes me that my mind is aloof.
I've asked her not to remove her wallet from her purse but she constantly changes her purses/bags for no good reason. And calls me when she can't find it at least twice, three times a week. She removes her wedding rings daily and wears them on different fingers or not wear them at all. Then when she can't find it, she calls me. They are usually wrapped in a tissue and hidden in a kitchen drawer or between memo pads.... She removes her passport from a drawer/bag to another even though she is not going anywhere. I have asked her hundreds times not to remove the passport from the designated drawer but never listens.
I no longer have patience for her as the only caregiver even she has dementia or does she? I am having a great difficulty dealing with her "defiant" attitude but find myself feeling guilty for wishing for her to live in a senior living community.
Since I am her only child, I have no one else to share the burden except for my husband who tries his best to help out. But at the end of the day, I'm the only one who she depends on. If she calls me tomorrow to tell me that she can't find her wallet or her wedding rings again, I'm really going to lose it. Can someone please help me regain my patience?
Oh, she may not be remembering that she has called you for help before. My cousin would call and ask me when I was coming to her house and 5 minutes later call back and ask the same question. She would forget about the call within minutes of making it. Later on, she would tell she that her tv cable box was missing! After hours of searching, I found it in the kitchen cabinet! So, if it is dementia, you will likely see an increase in her need for assistance.
Depending on what you find out about her memory, you might check her mail, make sure her bills are paid, inspect car for mysterious damages, check fridge for spoiled food, and whether she is taking her meds. You might also chat with her friends and neighbors. Sometimes they know a lot about concerning behavior. And it might be helpful if she will allow you to go with her to her next doctor appointment. I would suggest a checkup and discuss it with her doctor.
If I race over, she usually forgets what she was upset about,
and just wants a nice visit,
even if I just spent the whole day with her.
I love the cruise ship on land idea, too.
Your mom calls to ask you for help locating something. You are allowed to say, " no mom, i cant7come today. I have other plans. I'm sure it will turn up". Part of being an adult child is learning that you can sucessfully say no to your parents. Give it a try.
Have you talked to her about moving to a senior community? What is her response?
If you've made suggestions to your mom on how not to lose things and she's continuing to place her belongings where she can't find them it might be time for her to see a Dr. If she has dementia trying to talk to her reasonably about this issue isn't going to help. And if she has dementia she's going to need more and more assistance. Have you considered in-home caregivers? Or a nursing home? She may not need these things right this minute but maybe in the near future.
I'm going to consult her doctor again regarding her memory. All are right, it is getting worse...
She has considered a "Cruise-ship-on-land" as I call it, a beautiful independent living facility for seniors and was looking forward to moving in but when it came to pay for the entry fee, she changed her mind and wanted to buy a condo in my building instead. So I can take care of her....uugh..
She is well liked by her neighbors and small circle of friends. they all love her even though, to me, she doesn't have anything nice to say about them.
I love her, she is my mother! But I now know that my near future will be spent catering to her needs for rest of her life.(or it could be the rest of my life...)
I'd be taking steps to have her examined medically and her important papers located. Are you her Durable POA and Healthcare POA? Those things are very important so you can act on her behalf. Is she still competent to sign them? I'd explore that.
Is that old habit of order what is making your mother so anxious about the valuable things that she keeps moving them to a 'safe place'? - which is incredibly counterproductive, obviously. This sort of anxiety does sound dementia related, I agree. If you can get a detailed cognitive assessment arranged as part of an overall health check, maybe, it would be a good idea.