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The aides that our health care service sends don't do good care or they steal or don't show up. Ive talked to them about this. I was told by the office that I'm too picky!

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Good grief. What office told you that? The agency? Change services! Call your local area Agency on Aging. They should be able to help you find trustworthy home care. And it might not be a bad idea to install “nanny” cameras in your home. If you catch someone stealing, use the tapes to prosecute.
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That's a horrible way to be treated. And not true! You have to be "picky" because those caregivers are caring for your wife. I object to their use of the the word "picky."

I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time with caregivers but there are good ones out there who are professional, caring, responsible, and honest. I don't know how many options you have as far as home healthcare agencies goes but I'd suggest you stick with agencies. If/when you switch agencies tell the new agency about your experiences with the previous agency. Let them know how hesitant you are at this point. And ask if they conduct background checks on their employees. Caregivers should have a yearly background check done.

Try asking around for referrals to agencies. Maybe someone you know knows someone who used a particular agency and was very pleased.

It's difficult having a stranger in the house especially at the beginning of an assignment. You don't know her, she doesn't know you, she's not sure of what your expectations are. It's awkward. But when you come across a good caregiver hang onto her with everything you've got.

Good luck to you.
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