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My mom is in her 80s and I am mortified by her bathroom behavior. She will go poop and line up her toilet paper soiled in poop on the tub edge. And then proceed to rip it up with poop all over her hands in the toilet like it can't handle toilet paper. I have to go in there and tell her to drop it in the toilet but she won't listen to me. I have to be really firm with her. And she drops it in...but then thinks her hands are fine. They are covered in poop. She dont want to wash them. I make her wash them though. She thinks washing her hands is just swiping her fingers under the water for a few seconds and thats fine with her. It's so nasty and I try my best for her to be clean. Ive found poop on the walls and on the tub and toilet. I'm at a loss of what to do...I've showed her what to do in the bathroom but she still doesn't understand. I could tell her 100 times a day about bathroom stuff and she still won't comprehend. I'm at a loss of what to do. She thinks her clothes are clean when they are not. And I make her change her clothes daily. She doesn't want to take a shower. She showers every 3 days but fights us every step. I love my mom but I gag all the time at her bathroom practices. I'm mortified! I don't know how to get her to wipe her butt and throw it in the toilet like she is supposed to. Her idea of washing dishes is ..well never mind..she doesn't. She rinsed them off with food all over them and thinks it's clean. I'm just at a loss. I dont know how to get her to be more clean in the bathroom. Its so gross.

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I’m sorry your mother’s dementia has progressed to this point. Her brain is broken and she can neither help her behavior nor learn new behaviors. And sadly, things will get worse. It’s a truly cruel disease. Your choices now become to be in the bathroom with her each and every time to guide her through each step and prevent the issues before they happen, try putting her in Depends and see if that’s a better option (though she may very well put her hands in them as well) or to decide her care is now beyond what you can provide and seek professional care. And if the third is where you are, it’s okay, no one person can do it all at this level of care
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Oh my. This is my biggest nightmare - that my mom gets to this point. Bathroom issues are a line in the sand for me. There is no way I can/will deal with it. Just can't.

But here you are, sooooo I agree with others. YOU have to take control of it. She can not understand what is proper anymore. No matter how many times you tell her. So, stop telling her and take a different approach. If you do not want to physically do what needs to be done in the bathroom for her, then you will need to hire someone to do it for her/you. Could be some kind of a home helper. Or it might be time for her to go into a facility where they deal with these kind of things on a regular basis.

I don't know how cooperative she will be even if you were to go into the bathroom and do for her what she can no longer do for herself. It sounds like she might fight you and that is going to be very difficult. But this is just so unhealthy for the poop to be all over the place and her not being cooperative with washing up. Maybe you can use sanitizing wipes or spray on her hands? Or wipe her hands down with a wet soapy washcloth if actually washing under running water is too challenging?

Can you keep her from doing the dishes? That's another gross situation that would make me very uncomfortable. Everything those unclean dishes touch is contaminated with, you know what, and this is just making a lot of work and an unhealthy environment.

Best of luck!
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Your mother needs to be supervised while she is in the bathroom and if necessary you need to help her.
You may need to be the one that wipes he and cleans her after toileting.
You need to be the one that encourages her to get into the shower.
You need to be the one that lays out, or at least helps her get clean clothes each day.
At night you need to take her soiled clothes and place them in a hamper or wash them that night if she insists on wearing the same thing the next day.
(showering daily is not necessary unless truly needed. I found when my Husband was in rehab the state Illinois, requires only 2 showers a week. but residents must be cleaned properly)
You can not TELL someone with dementia to do something they can not retain and or comprehend some things.
YOU can not get her to be more clean in the bathroom that is now your responsibility.
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