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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Your profile says he has Parkinson's, it doesn't say anything about him having dementia or tell us how old either of you are. Men have been looking at porn forever, internet porn is distasteful as h*ll because the content is almost always demeaning to women, but danged near everyone has sneaked a peak at some time. I wouldn't intervene unless it becomes an obsession or he begins to act out because of it, let him know why you find the content unacceptable and insist that he keeps his interest private in the same way any sexual activity should be kept private.
I feel your disgust. My son, who worked with my husband at a family business told me one time that Dad was watching Internet porn. He would watch it out in the open with people passing by his desk. It was like someone turned off a switch in me. After I found that out, I could barely stand for him to touch me. Instead of being furtive about it and secretly changing passwords, I’d tell him if he doesn’t stop watching that filth, you’ll pull the computer and then do it.
Actually, it can happen by itself. I once typed an address wrong and ended up with a porn site from Korea! Yikes! So I know personally that you can accidentally access porn sites. Not, I'm sure, several times a day over many days, but at least once in a while.
I agree with cwillie. "I wouldn't intervene unless it becomes an obsession or he begins to act out because of it." I do understand that you feel lost and heartbroken. I'm so glad you picked him that rose. Continue to remind him that you love him. Twenty years of marriage shouldn't be at risk for this limited behavior.
I strongly urge you to consider this new behavior in the light of his disease. Impulse control disorder can be a part of Parkinson's. A greater interest in sex can be included. If this behavior started recently and has not been typical of his past, then something happened to change him. That something is no doubt is the increasing damage to his brain.
I understand that you consider it filthy and don't want pornography in your home. But please don't consider it adultery or in any way an attack on you. This is about him and his disease. There are many articles by reputable sources on the web that deal with this issue in Parkinson's. Please have a look at some.
It is hard not to be able to talk about this! Of course you can here. And a great source of information, encouragement, and comfort would be a support groups for caregivers whose loved ones have Parkinson's. Believe me, you are far from alone.
Thank you for all the good thoughts. I am so upset, angry and sad. I feel like there is no one I can talk to because that may change how they feel towards him. He hasn't made one apology or effort to smooth out the wrinkles on our 20 year marriage. BTW, he is 77, I am 63. I feel lost and heartbroken. When I came back from a walk he had moved into the guest room. It's been 4 days and we haven't spoken, eaten a meal together or watched any TV together. I did undo the internet and he doesn't know how to access it or even said a word about it. I have written 2 notes and picked a red rose from my garden today to remind him of our love. I asked him to be the good man I know, and that he must choose Gods way, that porn cannot be in this house. It is tearing me up because he sat there innocently with it on his screen; I wish I hadn't seen what I did. This is not the first time but he said he didn't know why it was there. I don't think it happens by itself!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I agree with cwillie. "I wouldn't intervene unless it becomes an obsession or he begins to act out because of it." I do understand that you feel lost and heartbroken. I'm so glad you picked him that rose. Continue to remind him that you love him. Twenty years of marriage shouldn't be at risk for this limited behavior.
I strongly urge you to consider this new behavior in the light of his disease. Impulse control disorder can be a part of Parkinson's. A greater interest in sex can be included. If this behavior started recently and has not been typical of his past, then something happened to change him. That something is no doubt is the increasing damage to his brain.
I understand that you consider it filthy and don't want pornography in your home. But please don't consider it adultery or in any way an attack on you. This is about him and his disease. There are many articles by reputable sources on the web that deal with this issue in Parkinson's. Please have a look at some.
It is hard not to be able to talk about this! Of course you can here. And a great source of information, encouragement, and comfort would be a support groups for caregivers whose loved ones have Parkinson's. Believe me, you are far from alone.
He hasn't made one apology or effort to smooth out the wrinkles on our 20 year marriage. BTW, he is 77, I am 63.
I feel lost and heartbroken. When I came back from a walk he had moved into the guest room. It's been 4 days and we haven't spoken, eaten a meal together or watched any TV together. I did undo the internet and he doesn't know how to access it or even said a word about it.
I have written 2 notes and picked a red rose from my garden today to remind him of our love. I asked him to be the good man I know, and that he must choose Gods way, that porn cannot be in this house. It is tearing me up because he sat there innocently with it on his screen; I wish I hadn't seen what I did. This is not the first time but he said he didn't know why it was there. I don't think it happens by itself!