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I do hope that you understand that it's not up to you to help your mom find her purpose again.
She's going to have to figure that out on her own. And she will in time, so just be patient.
Your dads only been gone for a year. That is not nearly enough time for her to adjust to her new life and grieve on top of that. So cut her some slack.
I cared for my late husband for many many years and he's been dead going on 4 years now, and I am just now figuring out what I want my new life to look like. It doesn't happen overnight as you may think it does.
So give your mom some breathing room and allow her the necessary time to grieve the man she loved and lost, and don't worry, she will in time get things figured out.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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yarrow Aug 13, 2024
You are absolutely right. I just worry that her world will get smaller and smaller the longer she waits.
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My guess is that she's still in the grieving process for your father. You can't do much to speed that up, beyond being your loving and supportive self. Don't push her to do anything, accept and love her as she is for the time being. Allow her to rest and heal from her prolonged ordeal and her loss. Trust her ability to regroup on her own at her own pace.

If months and months go by, and if she still hasn't found her own way to activities that give her pleasure.... if you believe that she's suffering, you might gently urge her to see her PCP about meds for depression, and/or possibly short term talk therapy with a skilled PhD psychologist.

Consider whether your urgent need to find fast fixes for your mother might possibly be more about your issues than your moms (?) You're grieving, too - you've lost your father and that takes a very long time to process. It can trigger lots of anxieties about ageing and the future.

And your mom might never feel much happier despite all the advances in health that are happening. The sad reality for most elderly (including myself) is that life is more like a Dickens novel than Anne of Green Gables.

Hope things improve for you and your family. Best wishes!
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Reply to LostinPlace
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I’m sure she is still grieving. If she never sought grief support, I would recommend it. There are groups, counselors, excellent books and other resources. I understand she may not be willing, and that is her choice. It hurts to see our loved ones suffering, but we can’t fix it. I don’t know if you ever sought grief support, but I wish I had when my mom died 20 years ago, didn’t think I needed it.
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Reply to MidwestOT
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yarrow Aug 13, 2024
Thanks. This is a good idea. The hospice my dad was in offered grief counseling, but my mom didn't wish to try it.
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I suggest the book, "Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief", by David Kessler, for starters.

Volunteer work in a local hospital with babies or young children is also a good idea. She can read to the kids, or even be a companion to elders in nursing homes. Giving back is a good way to regain ones purpose in life pretty fast.

If she rejects reading the book and volunteer work, you tried, let her alone to find her own way.

My condolences on the loss of your dad,
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Reply to lealonnie1
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yarrow Aug 13, 2024
Thank you for your condolences. It was a very hard time for all of us.

Volunteering in the hospital is a good idea. I will encourage her to look into it.
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She Maybe depressed . Is there a senior center near by ? Maybe suggest a cooking class or art class .
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Reply to KNance72
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Yarrow, first I want to say , so sorry about your dad , that must of been hard for both of you.

I am glad that she is 2 hours away so she doesn't become dependent on you. I think it's best for both of you

Sence she likes exercising, and lives in a small community, I would try to talk her into small steps. I'm thinking a walk around a block or two, and just say hi to people she sees, and maybe get her to start a little small talk.

Also I'm thinking get her to go to her local convenience store once a day for a coffee, and smile to people she sees. To get her out just around people.

Best of luck
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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yarrow Aug 13, 2024
Thank you for your condolences.

You are right. I, too, feel that she would become dependent if she lived a few minutes away.
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