Four years ago my mother had a psychotic break and was diagnosed with bi polar disorder. She lost everything. Her Job, her home and her car. I took her into my home and got her great help. Four years go by,she is now 80 , her mental health is stable, she has some arthritis other than that she is healthy. Ok, here's the rub. \ The longer she lives here the more she sits on the couch and does nothing but watch TV, because of this her walking has deteriorated, and she has gotten to the point where she asks me to shower her, dress her and wait on her. If I speak to her about doing more she becomes angry. I love my mother, and she can be funny and interesting, but I am so tired of living like this. If she would move around, walk more, she would be more agile. On good days she she will dress herself ( this occurs perhaps once a month ). We can have great conversations, on bad days she asks me for something every 5 minutes, and on really bad days I clean feces off of her and the floor. She stays home alone when I am gone to teach school, but becomes disgruntled if I want to do anything outside the house with out her. I have started thinking about setting her up in some kind of assisted living facility, but I feel that maybe I am just selfish. I have two brothers. One lives 2 hours from me, the other is on the other side of the US. Please let me know what you think I should do.
Your mother has become so dependent on you that she isn't trying anymore. Also, some of the behavior you describe could be dementia, so please get her in for a physical and mental exam.
This is too much for you to handle alone anymore, so I repeat - do not feel guilty. You've done more than most people can and your own health may be at risk. If your mother doesn't qualify for AL she likely would qualify for a nursing home. You'll need her doctor's assistance. Good luck,
Carol