Well here it goes! My dilemma started 5 years ago when as a newly wed we bought a house and I had to move in my mom since I could no longer pay for her apartment since we bought the house . My mom got unemployed since 2006 and ever since i was paying for her apartment to try to help her. Moving on. It has comes to a point that both my husband are constantly fighting due to my mom and is taking a toll on our marriage. We both have tried to help her to get on her feet but it just that my mom always finds a way to belittle my husband or make a very stupid or on call for comment. My husband got my mom job for which she work for the last 3 years as a part time however, she would always complain make excuses and someone found a way to get rid of that job. I personally apply for jobs for but my mom always has a problem she always compliants that people envy her (my mom has nothing) but she is traumatized with these . How do i force her to get the hell out without being rude. I am the only child and my mom has no other relative but me but i truly believe she is taking advantage. I am in tears , i need help!!! Sometimes i think that it will be easier to end my life ....am so tire. Is there any resources that my give her housing in Florida??????
Ineedhelp12, how many years did your Mom work prior to 2006? Did she put away any funds for retirement? Is she in her 60's where she can start drawing from social security?
There should be some type senior housing where the rent is based on the person's income [working and/or social security] depending on your location, more available in the larger metro areas. You Mom is being rude to your hubby because she wants to drive him out of home so that she can have you all to herself and let you keep paying her way. Too bad she didn't appreciate that her son-in-law had found her in job where she worked for 3 years.
1. Consider rather that there is a grey area between the black and white here. Black and white would be she either stays forever and ruins your marriage or is evicted immediately. The grey area is that she must be given time for her "eviction" with possibly some offers of help during that eviction. What I mean is this: tell her that the end result is going to be her moving out of your house, but that she has x-number of months to prepare and then explain what steps you will take to help her reach that "graduation" point of moving out. Maybe if you feel like it you could even offer to pay for her first month out of your house again. I know it is not cheap - but it would be better to be flat broke with a husband you can reconcile with than to be stuck with a mother who may be purposely using every resource you have.
Second, let your husband in on this plan. When he feels like you're working WITH him in this effort, it will help. Let me know in no uncertain terms how much HE means to you, that you are committed to him. You can never tell someone things like that too much.
Make plans and break it into baby steps. Make a check-list. Then work on each thing little by little to get her out.
You are not a bad daughter. You are trying to not get killed in the process of saving another person.
And call social services for your state - they know about the housing programs. It often takes a couple years to get housing here in my state - but get her on the list anyway if she qualifies. Then if she fails to keep up with her own rent, she'll still be on their list for the future.
1. Florida, being a haven for retirees, may have some local councils such as our Areas on Aging, county social work agencies, etc. that offer assistance with seniors (even young 58 year old ones). Contact municipal senior centers as well to see what information they have that can help you locate a place. Even if she's too young for state assistance, there might be something available for low income assistance.
2. I don't know if retirement communities have low income accommodations, but check that out. Someone here posted a while ago that the HUD Sec. 8 housing is no longer available, but check that out as well.
3. Also research and ask, ask and ask again if there's any financial assistance available for her, as a pre-senior or just someone who needs housing. If she gets assistance to live in a community, perhaps she can work there part time to offset or assist in paying the rental cost.
4. When you're inquiring about housing, ask also what kinds of part or full time jobs might be available for someone with the specific experience your mother has. There used to be an Operation Able (I wasn't very impressed with it) but there might be something akin to that which helps older adults find jobs.
I agree that this has to be a plan, with graduated steps. It would be too hard on all of you to just move her out and end up paying for an apartment rental, and more than likely she'd be furious with you. If you can find a way to transition so that your mother thinks she's abandoning you, it'll be better in the long run. You and your husband know what you're doing and what your plans are, but your mother doesn't need to know except to think that the plans are what's best for her.