Follow
Share

I have the responsibility to care for my mother. I am also responsible for paying her household bills. She is a Medicare recipient on social security. She was diagnosed with dementia 5 years ago and has other medical issues as well. I now need to be at home with her.

I understand what your going through, we just want you to be aware of what your getting into.

If you bring mom to your home, it is next to impossible to get her out

Everyday we get post after post people burntout, sick, just can't do it anymore, marriage issues, money issue, the list just doesn't end.

Please just think long and hard before you change your life. Read peoples post.

This is not easy, it is the hardest thing you will ever do, and it changes you.

I play on a boccie team, one of the girls I played with last week got kicked off because she though a ball at my husband. I'm just realizing, she just got done caregiving her mother in law, for 8 years. This woman is angry, she is angry because 8 years of her life was stolen from her.

Think about it, that's all I'm asking
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Anxietynacy
Report

You are not responsible for your mother unless you MAKE yourself responsible for her.
If you spend what you should be saving on your mother, then please don't expect others to be responsible for YOU when you face old age without assets.
You mother is responsible for taking care of herself and her bills. If she is unable to then you should help her avail herself of whatever help she can find through the help of the social safety net and governmental assistance.

You, as an adult, are responsible for your own choices.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

In some states you can get paid if your mom is on Medicaid. So if she is not on Medicaid currently, your first step is to see if she can qualify for Medicaid. Your local Agency on Aging office can help you with that, and advise you if there is a program in your state that enables you to get paid. If she is not eligible for Medicaid, you are likely not going to be able to be paid for your caregiving. If that is the case, to get any relief you are going to have to pay for outside care to come in to relieve you.

Before you do make this sacrifice, think long and hard about what your situation will look like a few years down the road after not earning any income. Will you be able to survive after mom passes?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to mstrbill
Report
JoAnn29 Aug 17, 2024
Medicaid for health insurance and Medicaid for in home care have different criteria. Just because u qualify for one, does not mean you qualify for the other.
(0)
Report
If Mom has no money you can get her in home heathcare thru Medicaid or place her on Medicaid in a nice LTC facility.

Her SS should be going to pay her bills. What she can't cover than you can pick up. There is help with Utilities and I would look into this now. Especially with heating cost. There's a timeline to be able to apply. If she owns her home, has she taken advantage of all the Senior discounts concerning her taxes? Call Office of Aging to see what resourses there are.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Do not spend your money. As POA you pay with her money and keep good records. Do not co mingle. You are also not obligated to quit a job or live with her. Your next step is Medicaid application for skilled nursing.
If you feel guilt or obligation then as an adult you choose how to live your life or screw up your own retirement. And many caregivers die before the parent.
Your only option is to call your local social services to check on funds that will not be enough
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to MACinCT
Report

Look like my choice is going to have to be a work from home job and / or a job that will give me the flexibility of being off when I need to through the family leave act.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to GeriJackson
Report
Beatty Aug 16, 2024
Those choices are if you are Mom's #1 fulltime caregiver.

There are more choices.

They may not be acceptable to you at present but stay open as time goes on.

Family help.
Family + non-family help.
Family + round the clock non-family help.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter