Here is some added context. This cat has never been fixed, she's about 4-years-old now, she is my mom’s cat and I have lived in and out of the house with them. She will not have her fixed despite having money to do so several times. Mom even gets kept up at night at times due to her howling in heat and she always keeps me awake whenever she gets this way. I've had to throw away clothes and sheets due to her urinating on everything she can. My mental and physical health is deteriorating quickly due to this. Do not answer this with "put yourself in your mother's shoes" or something along the lines of coping. You have no idea other than what I have told you it's like to live here in this house daily. Do not answer this with some comment about her caring about the cat because if she did she would have been to the vet by now. To add to that point, she hardly interacts with her anymore and when she does she's not enthused. She literally replaced her with another dog and that dog just so happens to be her whole world. I'm genuinely needing advice on how I can move forward in this situation. Serious and insightful answers are much appreciated and needed.
A pet is not something to “get rid of”. If you pose it that way to your mom, of course she’ll insist on keeping it. I agree your mother is irresponsible, but it’s not the cat’s fault.
So, open the door and "accidentally" leave it open or call Animal Control or drop it off at the Humane Society. Don't tell your Mom what you're doing or let her see you doing it. If she asks where the cat is, tell her it's "hiding". Just don't bring up this topic and she may actually forget about it now that she has a dog.
Cats yowling, biting, spraying or defecating in the house is a deal-breaker. Caregiving has to happen on the caregiver's terms.
Are you kidding? Even if you don’t like animals that inconvenience you in any way, it’s irresponsible and frankly cruel to do that.
An animal that lived indoors is not going to adapt to outdoors.
I get that some people aren’t animal lovers. What I don’t get are people who do not grasp that pets have emotions and feelings and see no problem with their suffering.
You state you have lived on and off in the house with them. Does this mean you are young and having a hard time launching or does it mean mom is old and ill and you come help?
Without that information you can not honestly expect good advice from a caregiver forum, even though you will get lots of speculative information.
assuming you are caregiving your mother. Tell your mother a therapeutic lie or the truth. She will just have to deal with it.
Shelters are overrun at present, and if surrendered to a shelter, the cat is likely to be euthanized unless it’s a no-kill shelter.
If she needs over night care she can hire someone.
Under NO circumstance do you bring mom to live in your house with the cat.
You are not going to change mom's mind about this. What you can do is set boundaries for you.
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You do not give any info in your profile about mom, her medical conditions as to why you are spending nights there.
If you are "helping" her so she can remain in her house "independently" then you stop, you are not helping. She is NOT independent and needs help.
I would go to your nearest shelter. Many have free spay/neuter programs. Often these are meant for feral cats that people trap, take to be spayed, and return to site. If you want to avoid the cost of checkup, vaccine, and etc. then I would say this is the way to go; at least it is worth a try.
I would simply then take the kitty and get this done. Tell Mom you did it for the cat.
Now we come to the bad part. This kitty may not stop marking just because she's spayed. For a while she will still have lots of raging hormones. She may or may not stop eventually.
I agree with others that it makes a difference here whether you have entered your mom's home because you require a place to stay for a while or you entered her home because she requires your help. The latter would give you some rights to sleep without being urinated on. But the former reason would mean you realistically don't have a lot to say about how your mom lives, just as you would not want her judgement on how you live.
Good luck, and welcome to the forum. For the kitty's own good I hope she gets spayed.
I wonder why the writer here didn't do that already?
She likely feels power-less or intimidated by her mother.
Something is getting in the way to do what is needed - for herself, her mother, and NOT least, the cat.
What I would do is take it to a no kill shelter. They will spay/neuter it and put it up for adoption. Tell Mom the cat got out of the house. Hopefully spaying it will correct the spraying. I am so with you because the smell of urine from a unfixed cat is awful and very hard to get out of stuff. Any rooms we could shut the door were shut while the female was alive.
I agree with Alva, JoAnn and olddude. Take the cat to a low cost shelter and have it done.
My last cat was so funny. I got her as a kitten. She learned to use her litter box quickly.
One day she got outside and started using the bathroom outside and would not use the litter box anymore. I kept her litter box clean but for some reason she preferred going outside.
She never went to the bathroom on anything inside. Once, she climbed into my Christmas tree and shook all of my ornaments off of the tree!
That was the extent of the damage that she caused. I loved her so much. She lived to be 16 years old.
Olddude, you made me giggle when you said to tell the OP’s mom that the cat is hiding. One time my cat was hiding in my sock drawer. When I finished putting my socks on, I didn’t see her curled up on top of my socks, so I closed the drawer with her in it!
I kept hearing her meow but couldn’t find her. When I traced her sound and opened the drawer, she popped out like a Jack in the box.
No more pets for me either. I do enjoy my daughter’s dog.
The OP should get the cat neutered - that would solve it all. And if the cat is being ignored or not tended to, then at the very least, the OP should find a loving family to adopt the cat. With your advice, all you are doing is jailing the cat - that would be really traumatic and cruel.
- and I also don't think your analogy of a cat being compared to "loosing a pacifier" is fair ~
Take them to a vet who knows beforehand that the cat needs spaying.
Ask him to give his advice on spaying the cat, have him be persuasive
and counsel mother.
Have the vet keep kitty overnight (for some reason), and let Mom decide.
Help her pay for it?
Do both the cat and dog receive the needed vet care?
and begs Mom to allow the cat to go live with them.
Our local Animal Control is highly invested in education about leash laws, spaying & neutering, and what to do about feral animals. Ask an officer to come over and educate mom.
If the dog is not licensed, (speaks to a person's ability to care for their pets),
(cats do not require licensing); then ask an officer to come over and educate Mom.
We used to have Crescent City Cat Club in our area that was a nonprofit.
It closed a while back but the woman who opened it adored cats and rescued them.
I wonder how successful cat cafes are. They seem to be cropping up all over the place.
Find your own shoes and put them on.
While you do not say anything about your mother's mental health, age, etc., she may have cognitive functioning challenges/issues due to dementia. There is no logical or health 'reason' for your mother to believe / insist as she does. I suggest your mother may need to be medically assessed. It will benefit you to understand her cognitive functioning/abilities.
If I were you, I would get the cat spade and not tell her - if telling her will cause problems between you - and from what you say, it will.
You need to take charge; own your power; and do what is in both your - and the cat's - best interest. And, your mother's too although she won't acknowledge that.
The other possibility might be for you to leave.
Do you have to stay in the home with her and the poor cat in heat, howling?
She'll be mad at you and that is okay.
Do what you know needs to be done.
Deal with the fallout later.
When you take your power back, her 'expressing anger and worse (?) will not affect you as much as it might have before you 'stood up for yourself - and the cat. It is cruel to do this to the cat. You have to manage the situation. Your mother clearly has no compassion or consideration for the cat. It is up to you to do what is (also) in the best interest of the cat.
Gena / Touch Matters
2. Don't live in Mom's house.
3. Learn to live with the cat and any other unpleasantness of living with Mom.
You don't give us much to go on, other than complaining about Mom's cat,
Which doesn't seem relevant to this forum.
Is there something more? Anything more relevant to those of us caring for a loved one with dementia or a loved one with serious physical limitations?
We all strive to help one another out here. I know my answers sound flip, but, you're complaining about a cat. At your mom's house.
I don't have any experience or expertise in dealing with that.
If my simplistic answers don't help, perhaps you can share more about the situation. Or, refer back to #1.
As for the spraying, settle this pee monster in a small room with a litter box, food, and no surfaces that are soft other than her cat bed. Talk to the vet on what measures you can take to re-acclimate the cat to the litter box.
I have a pee-er too with my female. She is spayed and would use my rugs. Finally, I threw out the rugs. She has a bucket that she pees in. (No joke) It is a small dish pan thing that I use to mop my floors and I left it in the bathroom, but she has taken it for a pee pot. I have yet to see how she uses it. She doesn't like to use the boxes after the boys. I don't blame her though. Like most males, they can be quite gross when it comes to bathroom habits.
Your girl may not like the brand of litter. First though, get this little girl to the vet asap!
If your mom lives with you, tell her the cat needs a new living arrangement. The dog may need a new home as well. If your mom is not mentally competent, contact local authorities to ask for their help in relocating the "pets".
I later learned the folly of my ways, and I had future cats spayed as young as recommended and advised others to do the same. There is a good health reason for this, too: it lowers the incidence of breast cancer. Perhaps you could ask the vet and then tell your mother that the vet said the cat needed spaying to prevent breast cancer. If she still loves the cat and can still reason at all, maybe that point would convince her. If not, I would do what others recommend and have the cat spayed anyway.