I am 25 years old and I am an only child. I have been the caregiver for my mom since I was 15 years old (basically my whole life).
Now I am 25 and I'm desperately trying to begin building my own life and start being serious about my career (fashion buying). I've put so much on hold (college, having a relationship, pursuing my own interests) because I feel like I am stuck.
I love my mother so much but I always feel guilty for wanting to do the things I want to. I'm working towards getting my own place but I'm just concerned that she will be upset that im leaving. On top of all of this I feel that she has gotten so use to me doing everything (cooking,cleaning, grocery shopping etc) that she would me rather me do it all instead of her trying to work to do things on her own. (Ex: I will be in my room which is on the other side of the house and she will call me to get her jacket from behind her door for her. Yes she can walk herself but she calls me to do it.)
At this point I know the separation needs to happen, but I just dont know how. I dont want to begin to dispise her or hold anamostiy towards her. I dont want to be mean to her.
If it is possible, I would leave that emotionally abusive environment and build your own life. It is really hard to do so when you go back to the old environment. Do you have any really good friends or safe relatives that you could go stay with while you build your new life. Leave and don't look back.
I am in the process of getting myself stable enough to stand get my own place though :)
Best wishes!
I do feel like I am stunted. I am the only one out of all of my friends who hasn't moved out namely because I feel like I have to stay to take care of her. But I dont want to give up living my own life in exchange
It would be helpful to find a good counselor to guide and support you through this transition--even one session a month would help. Be sure to hang on to your friends, too.
Good luck--I hope you update us on your progress!
Realize that you are the one who has been keeping yourself there, not your mom. You are the only one who can fix this. If you don’t move out, things will get worse for both of you (you will both become more co-dependent). If you don’t move out, you might compromise or even jeopardize your happiness and your future, both socially and economically. Thank your mom for giving you a place to live and for not forcing you to move earlier. Don’t blame her for helping you—take action —for yourself.
The easiest way to separate may be going to school. At a minimum, consider taking some classes. If you live on a campus, you will find a wonderful new world, just for you! Don’t live at home to save money. Look into this today! Financial help is available. You can often even get a job at the school to offset costs.
Consider studying accounting, textiles, design, marketing or visual arts as these will all bolster your fashion vision and your future. A diploma will bolster your career and your confidence.
If you don’t choose to go to school, do not hesitate to move out. You say you are “working to move out.”
If if you aren’t working, get a job today. It doesn’t have to be your dream job. Just make that first step. Don’t procrastinate.
Saving? Just move out! All you need is one months’ rent and a deposit. If you hace that, you could get a place today and move tomorrow. Do it! Don’t put this off another day.
Your mom loves having you around. That is a testament to who you are. If she is mentally healthy, she will also love watching you succeed.
You you need to start this process immediately. Don’t be scared. Don’t wait. Don’t look back. This is in your hands completely. This will be scarier if you wait ten years.
Wishing you great success!!