My once vibrant, young at heart, elderly husband passed away recently and his birthday is coming. I miss him so much, even to get a repair guy to come fix his garden's sprinkler system he took so much pride and joy in to install, hurts so much. I even want the old parts back! How do you celebrate special occasions without your husband or wife every year?
On such days I head to the coast even in the wind and the rain and I walk till I am tired. The Ocean always gives me a great lift. Bring a flask of coffee and a few sandwiches.
For you, to honor your hubs by keeping his garden up is a wonderful way to celebrate these occasions. Maybe getting a new plant and planting it yourself will help you remember the good times and your loved one in a good way.
Add a memorial bench in that garden, and sit yourself down for awhile.
Sorry for your loss.
My mother died on election day, so I remember her by voting no matter how I feel, by keeping on keeping on. Celebrating my privilege to vote, since somehow I survived to adulthood.
I made a concious effort to create new memories on the former special event days. It was hard, but after 4.5 years I own those days. I know a death is not the same as a divorce, but both are a complete upheaval in life.
Our anniversary was hardest, two years I went away to a local quilting retreat, none of the quilters knew about my marriage, nor knew that it was my anniversary. The second two years I was in Europe on the day. 2017 in Florence, this year in Paris.
Christmas was hardest as the kids were torn between who to be with, but I decided to make it mine too. I changed the meal I planned to one I wanted, simplified everything and now I enjoy the season again.
I know this is not the same, just a few ideas!
I am sorry for your loss, I pray that you find your new normal!
I'm sorry for your loss and I pray that you can find some local support to help you live your new reality.
Hugs!