From your profile: About Me: I am caring for my mother Arlene, who is 92 years old, living in my home with hearing loss, incontinence, and mobility problems.
If you are suffering from burnout and/or compassion fatigue, you need to get mom OUT of your house & placed in Assisted Living. Then you can enjoy being in your own home again without feeling irritated at having another person invading your space.
If that's not possible for whatever reason, then use mom's money to hire in home help (if she cannot be left alone) while you go out every day and spend some free time alone or with friends. Burnout is real, especially after caring for an elder for a long time. An elder who's incontinent, hard of hearing with mobility issues means that you're constantly yelling to be heard and then hearing, "Why are you YELLING at me?" right? I heard that from my mother ALL the time! But she lived in Memory Care Assisted Living so when she got under my skin, I'd leave her presence. I vowed decades earlier to never have my folks living in my home, and I kept that promise because I knew it would not work out to have mom and I under the same roof for a second time :(
Figure out how to either get mom placed in Assisted Living or hire in home help to give YOU some respite away from her. Too much togetherness is a bad thing; we all need a break from caregiving, that's the God's honest truth of the matter. Google compassion fatigue and see if you're suffering from it:
Check into adult daycare. Some will pick up and bring home. When my Mom was still alive all I wanted was time in my house alone. I didn't want to have to go anywhere. I just wanted her out of the house for awhile. Good luck in getting your time at home alone.
I feel your pain. My 79yo mom has been living with us for almost 7 years. Her condition has steadily declined. I have a caregiver here 4 days a week for 4 hours. It's a big help. Then I know mom is taken care of and eating, taking her meds, doing her PT, etc. All the things I am SOOOO tired of doing. The monotony of it is so challenging for me.
Luckily my mom goes to my sister's house to stay for 3 - 5 days a month so then I get a short window of time to enjoy being alone with my hubby in our own home! If there is no where for mom to go, look into respite care. Have her go to a facility for 2 weeks to give yourself a real break. You can make up some story about going away on a business trip or just a vacation, etc. Your mental health is important so don't worry about a little fib. It's in everyone's best interest.
I feel like I almost have PTSD with my mom. I am looking into AL or MC for her and it will be coming relatively soon. I keep waiting for "something" to happen where she needs to go to the hospital and from there it would be sooooo easy for her to be transferred to another facility instead of coming home. The first 2 years she was here she went to the hospital at least once each year. That trend has surprisingly not continued. Pushing me into a corner where I'm going to have to deal with figuring it all out and getting her into the car to move her and being the bad guy.
Coping with everyday irritations? Not easy. I mostly have taken to distancing myself and interacting less and less since it's so difficult to deal with over years and years. Not a great plan but I feel less guilty now that she has a caregiver who spends quality time with her.
From your profile:
About Me:
I am caring for my mother Arlene, who is 92 years old, living in my home with hearing loss, incontinence, and mobility problems.
If you are suffering from burnout and/or compassion fatigue, you need to get mom OUT of your house & placed in Assisted Living. Then you can enjoy being in your own home again without feeling irritated at having another person invading your space.
If that's not possible for whatever reason, then use mom's money to hire in home help (if she cannot be left alone) while you go out every day and spend some free time alone or with friends. Burnout is real, especially after caring for an elder for a long time. An elder who's incontinent, hard of hearing with mobility issues means that you're constantly yelling to be heard and then hearing, "Why are you YELLING at me?" right? I heard that from my mother ALL the time! But she lived in Memory Care Assisted Living so when she got under my skin, I'd leave her presence. I vowed decades earlier to never have my folks living in my home, and I kept that promise because I knew it would not work out to have mom and I under the same roof for a second time :(
Figure out how to either get mom placed in Assisted Living or hire in home help to give YOU some respite away from her. Too much togetherness is a bad thing; we all need a break from caregiving, that's the God's honest truth of the matter. Google compassion fatigue and see if you're suffering from it:
https://www.google.com/search?q=compassion+fatigue+&rlz=1C1CHBD_enUS896US896&sxsrf=ALiCzsa87H6M6q1UJGGFzQ2Pvbmk8Ew7_w%3A1660756801830&ei=QSP9YtitMriB0PEPsZGykAM&ved=0ahUKEwiY0uyZsc75AhW4ADQIHbGIDDIQ4dUDCA4&uact=5&oq=compassion+fatigue+&gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EAMyBQgAEIAEMgUIABCABDIFCAAQgAQyBQgAEIAEOgcIABBHELADSgUIPBIBMUoECEEYAEoECEYYAFCqDViqDWD0HWgBcAF4AIABgQGIAYEBkgEDMC4xmAEAoAEByAEIwAEB&sclient=gws-wiz
Best of luck!
Luckily my mom goes to my sister's house to stay for 3 - 5 days a month so then I get a short window of time to enjoy being alone with my hubby in our own home! If there is no where for mom to go, look into respite care. Have her go to a facility for 2 weeks to give yourself a real break. You can make up some story about going away on a business trip or just a vacation, etc. Your mental health is important so don't worry about a little fib. It's in everyone's best interest.
I feel like I almost have PTSD with my mom. I am looking into AL or MC for her and it will be coming relatively soon. I keep waiting for "something" to happen where she needs to go to the hospital and from there it would be sooooo easy for her to be transferred to another facility instead of coming home. The first 2 years she was here she went to the hospital at least once each year. That trend has surprisingly not continued. Pushing me into a corner where I'm going to have to deal with figuring it all out and getting her into the car to move her and being the bad guy.
Coping with everyday irritations? Not easy. I mostly have taken to distancing myself and interacting less and less since it's so difficult to deal with over years and years. Not a great plan but I feel less guilty now that she has a caregiver who spends quality time with her.
Good luck!