I've been caring full time for my 93 year old mom who has severe short term memory loss and very poor eyesight due to macular degeneration. My alcoholic brother lives at home rent free but does work. Yet he offers little in the way of direct help. He recently received a DUI as well. He is in debt up to his ears as well. two other brothers live in other states. They are somewhat supportive and understand the stress I'm under but that's about it.
I've "snapped" several times from the lonelieness and stress. I do see a counselor and that does help.
I am currently looking into placing my mom in a nursing home even though she and my brothers don't want that. Near full time in home help is an option but that would still involve me doing some of the caregiving.
I've not worked in six years. I'm 59 and need to get back to work. I need my life back.
It's coming close to me just taking a walk. I have a dog and four cats though and no job lined up. It would be very uphill for me. I have about eight thousand in savings and a stock I could cash in to help me start out afresh. I don't want to do it this way. But I may have to. I'd rather everyone agreed she go into a nursing home. She can afford it at this point. If I do take a walk, I want to be done with my brothers for a long time. My mom, however, I do love and care about and would stay in touch.
It's a mess. I do appreciate the response and feedback. I do feel less alone
when I hear from others out there.
Have you had a needs assessment done on mom? She can't just go to a NH. They require that a professional says that she needs a NH. That is your first step to getting her placed.
Next step is finding a facility that will take good care of her and offer her support and activities to enjoy.
There are some really nice facilities and if she can afford one, she is blessed. Most of them will let you come tour and have a meal, either free or discounted. I personally wish I could eat at the one around the corner everyday, they have home cooked, superior quality and great selection. It's not as bad as so many people believe.
Do your research and put your foot down about continuing to be the only one that is caring for her.
I toured a assisted living place today. She would need an assessment to see if she would qualify living at that level of care. He poor eyesight and short term memory loss might disqualify her. The next care level would be
full care.
My big mistake has been thinking the family would come together and make the right decision. That has not been the case. My view of family has changed forever.
Yes, I agree that the caregiving journey does often feel like a vicious cycle.