I’m wondering if anyone has any good tips? My father absolutely cannot see he has dementia. I realize this is not his fault, but most likely a symptom. Therefore, he is always angry with me. He feels what I do to help him is not necessary because he is perfectly capable in his mind. Now that we are considering a care home due to his increasing needs, he feels we no longer want him here and are just kicking him out. I guess I’m tired of being seen as the “bad guy” (or woman), but there’s probably no way around it. I’m guessing it happens to many others. I miss the days his dementia was not as bad and we got along. Taking walks, having nice discussions. I’m wondering if he will even want me to visit or call him once he moves, if he can’t see the reason we did this is because we love him.
You have health issues and have been posting here since 2020. Your sister refuses to take care of your father, yet she also refuses to "let" him got to a facility. She told you that YOU must be his caregiver. You built a guest home on your property for him, and now he's become too much because of his increasing dementia.
Why do you let your sister dictate that you still have to take care of him? You've also mentioned that your father would like to live with your sister, yet you don't have the heart to tell him that she refuses to have him come live with her. Why not tell him?
What steps have you taken to move him to a care home? And is anything really going to happen as long as you accept the bullying from your sister?
My LO had a 49 Studebaker Convertible when I was a kid. If I could take a 10 minute ride with her just one more time, it would be worth a million bucks to me.
The only thing that works to get through your own sorrow? Stay with him RIGHT IN HIS MOMENT. Make the old conversations a part of your memory book, then accept what he’s saying now as the facts resulting from his damaged brain.
They are HIS facts. His brain no longer knows logic nor filters.
He is not talking to you, criticizing you, insulting you. His brain is responding to faulty stimulus and his anger is the product of faulty perceptions.
Awful and painful for those of us who care. Be good to yourself. If the residential care setting is the place that will best meet his needs for safety and structure and supervision, proceed with as much confidence as you can.
It’s much harder on us as caregivers than on those who need our care.
You may want to consider asking his doctor about meds for depression or mood since his broken brain will keep him in his angry, agitated state. It's merciful to him and anyone who has to engage with him. In my experience it's not a phase... they become and stay mostly very negative, sad, paranoid, etc. I wish you peace in your heart during his transition into better care. Don't worry what he'll do or how he'll react until it actually happens. He may surprise everyone.
What your sister wants has no bearing on what needs to be done.
Why worry about whether he will see you or not? This is a moot point as soon he won't remember anything including who you are.
Move forward do what is best for both him and you.