My mother has complete tunnel vision and cannot seem to accept that my sister and I have responsibilities besides her that we must take care of. She gets very demanding and expects to be taken to see our dad who is permanently in a nursing home daily at the exact same time every day. We've tried explaining to her we have Dr appointments or whatever we have to do and she'll say she's going to walk. Well we know she'd get lost, hence the guilt. She is a full time job and it's exhausting and quite honestly I'm tired of doing it. I'm disabled myself and we have a brother that isn't that involved as he should be. Both me and my sister are fed up. We know dementia is a horrible, progressive disease, but isn't there something, medications or help we haven't thought about? She doesn't have money or good medicare so we feel stuck. Advice is very much appreciated. 🙂
It is possible that at this point mom would be better, safer in either Memory Care or if she qualifies with dad in Skilled Nursing with dad. (I am guessing this is what you mean when you say dad in in a "nursing home")
There are medications for anxiety and that may help mom.
Would mom do well in Adult Day Care? Many will pick up in the morning and drop off at the end of the day. It will give her something to do, socialize with others, typically a light breakfast, lunch and snack are served.
The other option is to hire (mom/dad pay) caregivers that will come in and care for mom while you do what you have to do during the day. It can be as many days a week as you need for as many hours as you need. I typically had caregivers in from about 9AM until 4PM.
Day Care and then Caregivers saved my sanity
The no shut down because of covid.
Make up whatever therapeutic fib.
in real life start her Medicaid paperwork now to place her in the same snf he’s at.
Mom can no longer be reasoned with. She has lost that ability. She is also now self-centered. Both come with Dementia.
Your mention Medicare not being good. Unless on a Medicare advantage, Medicare is the same for everyone. The provider bills, Medicare determines whats reasonable and pays 80% leaving a total of 20% usually picked up by the secondary insurance. Medicare Advantages are suppose to cover what Medicare covers A,B and D. They take place of the suppliment.