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Thank you in advance to everyone on this forum. Your help and insights have been invaluable and saved my sanity. I had been hoping that my mom would be admitted to a hospital for a fall or UTI or some other medical reason and then social workers would take over due to her dementia and psychological disturbances. However, just in the last 2 weeks my mother has been lashing out more to her in-home care helper. I believe the lady is about to quit,and I don't blame her.She is in independent senior living-not her own home,84 years old,narcissistic or histrionic and refuses that she needs help. There is no POA or Guardianship for her . I am actually thankful it is not on my or my brother's shoulders. She refuses that she needs more help and constantly gets her elderly neighbors involved in her drama. Her plan is to come live with one of us - not happening. If we take her to the hospital, I am afraid that she wouldn't be admitted due to it not being a medical emergency. She is in about stage 6/7 with dementia. She really needs almost complete sedation.I really don't know how to get her moved for her safety and those around her.Any ideas/antecdotal experiences are appreciated. Thank you so much.

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We got a guardianship (called mandate here) for our mother, but it takes time and lawyers and money. Then we found a place in a dementia memory care facility near us. Then we got her MD to prescribe a sedative and we told her we were going out to lunch and took her to the memory care home. It was very hard and this short description misses most of the details but it is for the best. I understand your problem and wish you the best in resolving it.
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PeaceandZen May 2022
Thank you!
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Too late for POA with stage 6-7 dementia.
Will need emergency guardianship for placement or guardianship of the state. Sedations will lead inevitably to falls.
Consider whether either you or your brother actually lWANT guardianship of a Mother this difficult.
The independent facility will likely be reaching out to you soon.I wish you the best of luck. These will be difficult decisions.
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PeaceandZen May 2022
Thank you. No ,we don't want guardianship of her.
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She refuses help.

Eventually, the place she lives will call APS, or 911. The state will take guardianship.

Think about what you would line the outcome to be.

You don't want guardianship. You don't have POA. There really isn't anything left except the state, yes?
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PeaceandZen May 2022
Yes,nothing left but the state to intervene. I actually hope they do,and I feel guilty about that feeling. However,I can't help it.Thank you.
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Guilt?

What did YOU do wrong?

Your mother was presumably a functional adult with agency. She didn't make a plan. That's on HER my dear and HER dysfunction.

Not down to you at all.

Feel grief, not guilt.
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PeaceandZen May 2022
Thank you for pointing that out. My Mom was actually a nurse practioner . I told my brother that she saw the life- cycle first hand on a daily basis.However,she didn't think her own plan through beyond the first 5 minutes.
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Regardless of whom (family or state) goes for and gets guardianship, it seems to be the answer to your questions, OP.

Or do nothing at all. You are not required to take any action at all. Bad or no decisions are still decisions and your mother has all the legal rights to make them and be stuck with the consequences of those decisions.

We got guardianship of our LO. Once we got the legal authority to force her to move into MC, we tried different ways to get her to the actual MC location. Finally, we used her pride against her -- saying we were calling law enforcement and having them "arrest" and transport her in front of her neighbors. I wouldn't say she went voluntarily -- that word would indicate she was happy or okay with leaving when she wasn't and was very, very mad -- but she went. Having guardianship has allowed us to KEEP her there.
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