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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Some people, my late mother included, are not happy unless they’re unhappy. My mother was negative, paranoid and a drama queen. She was a martyr who wanted everyone to admire her because she married my father and had me and lived her life with a man who only had a ninth grade education and would never make much money. When she was younger, she wanted to elope with an RAF pilot during World War Two. In her mind, she was a heroine for “settling” for my father.
I lived with her negativity all my life. It got worse when she had dementia. So what did I do? I became an outgoing and friendly person who always tries to find the positive in a situation. Sure, I have “down” days but they don’t define me. I never tried to change my mother. She enjoyed her misery. But as for myself, I am much happier looking at the good in a situation and in people.
Sometimes, it's only when you go back to living with your parent that you, now an adult, see her personality up close; and it can be... a bit wearying. That's something you have to devise your own strategies for so that it doesn't drag you into the black hole.
But sometimes, there can have been a marked change in the personality; and that is worth investigating.
I never feel that it's 100% reasonable to expect somebody who is coping with old age and its trials to be full of the oh-be-joyfuls all the time. But on the other hand, if therapy or activities or medications might help, then older people have as much right to them as anyone else - and why wouldn't you see what can be done?
I come from a family of negative whiners , drives me cra, cra. No matter what they, find the black cloud in the sky.
Me, I have programmed myself to be optimistic, and they do not like that! Oh well, not my problem.
Your mother may need therapy, if she has dementia, this trait most likely intensify.
I suggest that you do not engage her in any topics that you know will trigger her. Keep all conversations on the surface level, nothing deep or thought provoking.
Agree about conversations, I only make small talk with my mom anymore, any other conversation turns awful. There have been so many times I thought to myself, "why did I even mention that!"
I just sort of nod and say "uh huh" to my mom anymore. She has waited for so many years for happiness to come from outside of herself, to hit her like a lightning bolt. She is extremely negative, wallows in self pity, wants to drag others down. She hates laughter, smiles, music, happiness. Nothing is ever her fault, everything just keeps "happening" to her and she's an innocent victim.
I put up a "wall" in a sense, of self-protection, and let her negativity just hit that wall and bounce off. I no longer try to cheer her up, point out the goodness in the world, or really even share what is going on in my life. There is no point, she is snarky and negative. She hates my friends and seems not to want me to do anything enjoyable. She doesn't like my husband's family (after 30 years she's made no effort to get to know them) so I'm not really supposed to spend time with them either. It's OK with her if I work six days a week and spend the seventh on household chores or doing things for her or my dad. So, I lie a lot and generally avoid letting her into my life.
I'm the only child of a single mother and Little Miss Gray Cloud as I have taken to calling her to her face. My mother is 90 but operating at 95% capacity. Sadly, she has always been a "glass less than half empty" person. If it's a sunny day she will crank about how it's going to storm (1% chance of rain) then being disappointed when it doesn't rain, cursing the "stupid" weather people; recounts the most horrific news stories at the dinner table; is suspicious/skeptical of the most benign actions of people; thinks optimists are "naive" or bumpkins because they DIDN'T grow up in NYC, etc. So tiring. When she'd come thru my door in the morning she literally wouldn't even say "hello", just launch into a rant about how the neighbors dog committed some heinous potty transgression. I've taken to staring at her for a moment to get her attention, then with a huge smile and exaggerated cheer say, "Well helloo to you too!! Why, I'm *fine*, thank you!" etc. At first she'd grumble at it but now, because she hates when I do that, she dispenses with pleasantries first and then proceeds as Gray Cloud for the day. If nothing else it gives me great satisfaction :-)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I lived with her negativity all my life. It got worse when she had dementia. So what did I do? I became an outgoing and friendly person who always tries to find the positive in a situation. Sure, I have “down” days but they don’t define me. I never tried to change my mother. She enjoyed her misery. But as for myself, I am much happier looking at the good in a situation and in people.
Sometimes, it's only when you go back to living with your parent that you, now an adult, see her personality up close; and it can be... a bit wearying. That's something you have to devise your own strategies for so that it doesn't drag you into the black hole.
But sometimes, there can have been a marked change in the personality; and that is worth investigating.
I never feel that it's 100% reasonable to expect somebody who is coping with old age and its trials to be full of the oh-be-joyfuls all the time. But on the other hand, if therapy or activities or medications might help, then older people have as much right to them as anyone else - and why wouldn't you see what can be done?
Me, I have programmed myself to be optimistic, and they do not like that! Oh well, not my problem.
Your mother may need therapy, if she has dementia, this trait most likely intensify.
I suggest that you do not engage her in any topics that you know will trigger her. Keep all conversations on the surface level, nothing deep or thought provoking.
I put up a "wall" in a sense, of self-protection, and let her negativity just hit that wall and bounce off. I no longer try to cheer her up, point out the goodness in the world, or really even share what is going on in my life. There is no point, she is snarky and negative. She hates my friends and seems not to want me to do anything enjoyable. She doesn't like my husband's family (after 30 years she's made no effort to get to know them) so I'm not really supposed to spend time with them either. It's OK with her if I work six days a week and spend the seventh on household chores or doing things for her or my dad. So, I lie a lot and generally avoid letting her into my life.
1 Acknowledge how they feel.
2 Reassure them, once, dont argue with them.
3 Redirect their mind to something else ,