How do you protect your feelings when your parent with dementia lashes out?

It takes thick skin and I don’t always have it. I either go silent or get upset or cry. It’s a cornucopia of emotions lol. I often times feel jealously as well and then sabotage. I live with my mom and she is also very controlling of me. If I don’t agree or keep my mouth shut ( at doctors or regarding her meds) she says she is kicking me out. It’s been a weapon for five years. Last time she did this I left and came home and she had flooded the entire house with water bottom floor. She never said sorry tho. I believe in my heart God was giving her a message. It hurts and I’m always scared of what she might do or is capable of.

Get into therapy.
Walk away. Do not abuse yourself by listening.
You need to do this for yourself ... as well, you need to be a role model for your daughter. You do not want her to 'take this abuse' - (or learn that it is acceptable to take it; it is not).

I understand. We are run by our conditioning, fears, traumas and need to process through them with new neuron-connectors in our brain; we need to rewire our brain synapses with new thoughts and new behavior.

WALK AWAY.
HANG UP.
GET THERAPY.

If she lives in your home, move her out. This is toxic for you.
You can be compassionate towards her and her disease at the same time you set limits / boundaries and take care of yourself / the quality of your life ... that you've worked hard to do.

Certainly you are not alone. I'd bet 99.9% of us are 'wired' or 'triggered' by our (adorning - eh... no) mothers who may have only done / behaved with their children the same way they were treated by their mother. Someone(s) need to break the chain. It is up to you. Get those pliers out. And lots of self love and self compassion.

Sending you healing courage,
Gena Galenski
Touch Matters

She is jealous and has lost the ability to filter her thoughts before speaking. She may also be suffering from anxiety. Consider getting her an appointment with a psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment.

You might also consider finding ways to get others involved in her care so you have more "time off" from caregiving and the nasty comments.

You walk out. If you are living with her, move out.

In my heart I felt God sent her a message to stop lying on me to others and ruining my reputation. Also, the flood(2nd time) was a gentle nudge to remind her that accidents happen and I am always there for her. I like to think it was a lesson. However with dementia and disability it may have just been a coincidence.

My mom just did this to me by threatening to throw away ALL my stuff!

I can't move out fast enough!

I too have a 92 year old mother who yells at me, always gives me dirty looks when I speak to anybody who just happens to be in the same room. I have taken this for 30 years and now I am 70 and feel sad and depressed from years of her meanness. I am always wrong even though I have taken care of 4 hospitals for 6 years. She even screamed about me just talking about a church activity. I can no longer continue to speak to her because she only wants to fight with me. I am just staying away from her for a while I just can not begin to fix this, it has gone on too long. I am mad at myself for letting it go on this long. It is too bad I am so depressed at this stage of my life. I wanted you to know, you are not alone, but I have not the answer either.
Redrose