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My sister is nearly 60 and on SSDI. She has severe pain issues from a botched surgery, difficulty walking and is morbidly obese. She sleeps and takes pain meds and barely takes care of herself. She is terribly messy, hoarder level messy. She has always been borderline unable to manage herself. She currently has moved in with my mother who has moderate dementia to care for her. While dad was alive, making things happen, this worked ok but dad has passed and now sister’s care for mom is not adequate. We will need to move mom to a care home soon as there are too many holes in her care and the care for the home. No dusting, sweeping, bad food choices, etc.


What are the options for my sister? Can she be accepted into some kind of independent living place on medicaid? Her SSDI pays only $14,000 a year, not enough to make it anywhere alone, let alone a place with food and some support. I am wondering about mom and sister moving into a managed care home together, but the house would be sold to pay for that for mom, and after mom dies (85) there would be nowhere for sister to go. Has anyone walked through something similar situation? Do choices open up for her at 60? Someone told me her age might make a difference.

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I think you are going to have to get the help of a state social worker on this. If your sister can't be placed in a NH, she is going to have to get a HUD subsidized apartment, and chances are there is going to be a waitlist. The other possibility would be a nursing home paid by Medicaid, but your sister will have to medically qualify for that. She may qualify based on what you've described. She is going to need a sympathetic Dr. to sign off and recommend NH care.
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WearyJanie Jun 2022
Thank you—I have encouraged her to talk to someone in system, but it looks like I may need to approach someone myself.
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Maybe you can bring up the idea of a Case Manager like mstrbill mentioned.

He is She could be a big help in getting her assistance
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Thanks for the ideas. I guess we just need to talk to the experts on this—I am pleased some of you think they will possibly talk with me about her situation if she won’t go in herself.
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What you don't want to happen is that your sister moves in with you. I'm sure you don't want this, but be aware that it may be suggested. Just as when we are told to not accept our elders moving in "temporarily" until the discharge planner finds help for us, don't accept any suggestions that YOU become the "temporary" caregiver for your sister.
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WearyJanie Jun 2022
CTTN55, I know that in the back of her mind she might be thinking that. But I absolutely cannot let that happen—I believe it would cost my marriage. I will begin to get her thinking about being declared disabled enough for a nursing home; she just seems so young, but I know there are younger people there too. I hadn’t considered she might be able to be declared disabled enough at her age. Thank you!
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Hi Weary
Do a google search for Area Agency on Aging, your city, your state. Each county has one. Tell them your mom and sisters situation and ask for a needs analysis. They may be able to help you with a social worker.
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