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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My MIL had dementia (and cancer) when she attended FIL visitation and funeral. At the visitation she was upset each time she saw FIL in the casket. I don’t think she was any more upset than any other spouse would have been. She did forget each time almost immediately. She was in a wheelchair and we tried to keep her away but she was drawn to the casket. She really enjoyed seeing family members and we were glad she was there. The next day at the funeral she did fine. At the cemetery when taps were played, she stood and saluted the flag. It was very sad for all of us. No one could believe she stood. It was amazing really. After the service there was a luncheon and she seemed to really enjoy that. She died a month and a day after FIL. No one regretted her being there. Following days she did not ask about him. She seemed to know he was gone. It was the last gathering before her own funeral.
A few months ago one of my DH aunts nephews died. Aunt (93) has dementia. I did not take her to the funeral but I did take her to the luncheon afterwards. It was a success for her and the family.
I also took her to the funeral home before guests were to arrive. I’ve done this on two occasions with her. She didn’t want to go to the funeral but wanted to say goodbye. She would also forget. She would ask me if someone in the family had died.
I think it’s hard to make a blanket statement on if it’s too upsetting for them. It’s an individual situation. I would be prepared to take them home if it proved to be a mistake. My SIL and I took care of MIL in order for her children to be free to visit with other attendees. My husband helped me with his aunt. So it was fine. We took comfort in them being with us in our grief.
When my mom died I did not take dad to her service. He would have been very confused and have to be reminded every few minutes what was going on. Absolutely no point in putting him through that.
It really depends on the stage they are in. Early stage maybe aware what is going on. Later on may forget they have a spouse. If your asking tryjng to determine if a spouse should be present, it really depends where they are in their journey. I would keep a funeral as simple as possible. Maybe just friends and family. A viewing would be too long. My Mom only lasted an hour before she was ready to go home. I may have graveside service just family and very close friends. Maybe a nice lunch. If a big luncheon be ready to take the spouse home after a short time. They don't last long and like the familiarity of "home".
Grieving. If early stages they may grieve. Once they are told though, don't tell them again. If they ask where their spouse is, tell a little white lie. Their loss of short-term does not allow them to retain the info their spouse is gone. Telling them over and over that spouse has died will only put them thru the grieving again.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
She really enjoyed seeing family members and we were glad she was there. The next day at the funeral she did fine. At the cemetery when taps were played, she stood and saluted the flag. It was very sad for all of us. No one could believe she stood. It was amazing really.
After the service there was a luncheon and she seemed to really enjoy that. She died a month and a day after FIL. No one regretted her being there.
Following days she did not ask about him. She seemed to know he was gone.
It was the last gathering before her own funeral.
A few months ago one of my DH aunts nephews died. Aunt (93) has dementia. I did not take her to the funeral but I did take her to the luncheon afterwards. It was a success for her and the family.
I also took her to the funeral home before guests were to arrive. I’ve done this on two occasions with her. She didn’t want to go to the funeral but wanted to say goodbye. She would also forget. She would ask me if someone in the family had died.
I think it’s hard to make a blanket statement on if it’s too upsetting for them. It’s an individual situation. I would be prepared to take them home if it proved to be a mistake. My SIL and I took care of MIL in order for her children to be free to visit with other attendees.
My husband helped me with his aunt. So it was fine.
We took comfort in them being with us in our grief.
Grieving. If early stages they may grieve. Once they are told though, don't tell them again. If they ask where their spouse is, tell a little white lie. Their loss of short-term does not allow them to retain the info their spouse is gone. Telling them over and over that spouse has died will only put them thru the grieving again.