Logically I understand that it was her time to pass away. And I know it was for her best,I didn't want to see her struggle(she had COPD). But at times,when I'm all alone I am saddened by her lost. I was her caregiver and even though toward the end she made life hard for me, (I know it was the illness) I still miss her,we said our good-by''s and she knew how much I loved her and yet it's still difficult for me,others in the household seemed to have gotten over her loss but i still find it hard. I am presently looking for a job to fill in the void and started to become active in exercising also. Perhaps with time, Have any of you felt this way?
Caregiving is an intensely personal gift we give to another. However, we do not realize how much of ourselves we have put into it until the end.
Grieving is a form of mild depression. It is normal initially, but if it goes on to long it will effect your health.
It is good that you are looking for a job and exercising. I call it "rejoining the living" because caregiving is so isolating. If you balance your grief with times you are joyful and enjoying the company of others, your sadness will lessen and your grandmother will continue to live in your memories.
Everyone grieves differently. For you, as your grandmother's primary caregiver, the loss is of greater impact than for the others. Also, even though you did everything you could for her, if you are like most caregivers, you wonder if you could have done more. The answer, of course, is not likely.
If you continue to grieve, you should schedule a couple of sessions with a counselor. If she had hospice care, most hospices offer grief support for a year after the death. The main thing is don't expect yourself to "get over it" at the same rate others do. Also, don't spend time on regret which is likely not earned, and certainly counterproductive. Please do get help if you aren't feeling better in a month or two, or sooner if you really feel bad.
Take care of yourself. You've spent a lot of time as a caregiver for your grandmother. It's your turn.
Carol