How many of you are still being denied visitation at your loved one's LTC?

Facilities across the USA each have their own rules. Check on the rules in place in your own. I think rules are becoming more and more lax just when the Virus, which has never left us nor been conquered by us, is ready again to surge. There are so many repercussions on family and on seniors that places are becoming desperate to allow visits. American "Frontier Mentaliry" is an actual thing". We honor more the individual's choice than the "good of all" and are impatient to get on over the next mountain range. Can work in our favor; can work against us. What an awful dilemma we would be in. My bro was in ALF in So. Cal. I think now that I am just coming to the time I could have visited with him, had he lived; yet here is that time, and I could not have because So. Cal still is boiling hot, and because his own facility, FREE of Covid throughout, remains quite on lockdown.

Dear "PeeWee57,"

When I read through your post, I was starting to wonder too if you were getting the runaround. But, maybe with the fall and flu season upon us the staff members are just now starting to get sick especially if your state's school season is back in session and they have children.

We live in the desert Southwest and my mom's new facility had been very fortunate not to get their first case until mid-summer with both a memory care resident (where my mom resides) as well as a staff member. Unfortunately, the resident did pass away and they have had about three more staff members test positive since then. My first outdoor visit was September 7th and I had another one the following Saturday.

I know how frustrated this must be for you and that it's wreaking havoc on your emotions being as fragile as they are. Prior to our facility allowing the outdoor visits, each time a staff member tested positive the residents themselves were being confined to their apartments therefore not allowing dining and activities amongst the residents. I just received an update letter from the Director that they are continuing outdoor visits and have given us the procedure that would need to be followed to do an indoor visit which they hope to be implementing soon. I'm still not allowed into my mom's apartment. In our case, the facility Director has been very forthcoming about all that is taking place and the communication by emails has been great.

As I'm sure the other people have commented, things will vary so much from state-to-state and facility-to-facility. If you do not feel comfortable with what the facility is telling you, maybe you should talk with your city's Ombudsman and ask for either their direction or intervention on your behalf. I know I did that with issues at my mom's previous ALF when they were negligent in allowing my mom to be near death and not telling me until it was almost too late and when I wasn't allowed to get movers in there to get all her things.

It's very hard to keep getting your hopes up only to be let down time and time again. I sure hope you can get some more concrete answers, that you will be able to visit your loved one soon and you can move forward in a more peaceful manner.

Runaround; it IS political - trust your gut.

We’ve had 5-6 reasonably successful visits outside, socially distanced, masked, but my LO (and I) hate being cold, so as the north east gets colder, the outdoor visits lose their momentum.

My LO RECOVERED from 3 weeks of Covid, and was shedding the virus for three months after becoming symptom free. The care she received in her MC was as nearly heroic as anything could have been. Her care staff had very little by way of supplies, and no testing in house, at the beginning of the pandemic.

If you hear otherwise, you’re either not in a hot spot OR someone is embroidering the truth.

PeeWee, my husband, who is a medic, says have the police do a welfare check with you on your mom.

There's a lot going on right now. That's very interesting about all of those rescheduled dates that peewee is being informed of. I'd be wondering if something fishy was going on or if the facility just plain has bad communication within its hierarchy and the implementation is therefore poor. I do have to say that at least they are contacting you prior to your visit date(s). So many organizations would just let you show up and then not let you visit - no regard for people's time/energy. Our area opened for outdoor visits several weeks ago - one person at a time with distancing and by appointment. Now, it's the same format but no weekend appointments and no evenings. I think the latest visit is at 2:30 or 3 PM. This drastically cuts back potential visitors who can't get there during those times and drastically cuts back the number of available slots, but yet the facility can SAY they are allowing visits. Not sure about the intent there, but it seems like they are wanting to say they offer it, but won't have to actually do it (or only to a limited extent). Some high-quality communication from upper management would help a lot and maybe we could understand better and not be wondering.

I’m in NC and was wondering what was going on too for a long while, but, I get word today that I can go tomorrow! Praying the weather holds. I’ll stand outside the window at the MC.

I think the facilities went without 'cases' of COVID b/c they weren't TESTING. Now that they're testing residents and employees, of course they're going to see 'cases' which doesn't mean the person is 'sick', just that they tested positive which could easily be a FALSE positive. The more they test, the more 'cases' they find, that's what's happening here in my mother's ALF too. Nobody is 'sick', just testing positive, which to me means FALSE positives! Panic in the streets. More shut downs and more mass hysteria to deal with, which is getting ridiculous already.

My mother's ALF has been allowing window visits for months now; we go over every Sunday at 1 pm; she sits in the conference room at the window, the care giver calls ME on my cell phone, and we talk to her via the phone. She's literally 2 feet away from us, but the window separates us. They say they are going to start allowing indoor visits 'hopefully soon', but guess what? 2 more employees tested positive but are asymptomatic! More stalls, more delays, more nonsense. But I'm ok with it b/c we do get to do the window visits which in a way are better b/c my mother is mostly deaf. So sitting 6 feet away from her with both of us wearing masks is likely to produce a scream fest with lots of frustration to deal with, and her understanding NONE of the conversation. Sigh.

I vote for false positives, too much testing, and the runaround, all combined with the CYA principle for facilities. While I DO understand their predicament, these elders NEED HUMAN TOUCH from their loved ones again. Period.

At my dad's assisted living facility the visitation policy is determined in coordination with the Public Health Department. Currently they remain limited to outside, more than 6 feet apart, 1 resident at a time with no more than 2 visitors, all wearing masks AND if there is any Covid in the facility they will be required by the health department to drop back to no visits for a period of time. So, unfortunately you experience seems right in line with what we will experience if any Covid gets introduced into the facility. This facility has had only 2 cases of Covid many, many months ago and this is still the policy because of the Covid that is still circulating in the local area. Is it disappointing? yes. Is it necessary? yes but I strongly support these hard decisions if it keeps the residents and staff safe.

It has been frustrating. Mom was hospitalized in early March and then to rehab, nursing home, now she is in a wonderful Memory Care facility. We had been able to do window visits and talk on a phone when someone was available to help her, smartphones are confusing for her.

After she was moved from rehabilitation to nursing care it became much more difficult and we couldn’t use a phone and could barely hear through the window but they were battling an outbreak and being very careful. I kept checking on her so the staff knew we were keeping a eye on her.

At her new home they have been very strict because Memory Care residents have not been isolated or required to wear masks. We have been able, in Ohio, to do outside visits with her inside at a screen door and us outside on the porch. Each resident gets one 30 minute visit a week, 2 people only. We are allowed to window visit but I hate to pester the staff to arrange it.

Next week we start inside visits but everyone has to wear a mask, sit 6’ apart, etc. The only good thing is Mom has such a bad memory that she doesn’t really know it’s been a week since she last saw us.

So stick with it, the rules seem to change day to day and the staff is doing the best they can with all the added restrictions and procedures.

Sis in nursing home. Outside visits were allowed a couple months ago-huge plastic screen that rattles like mad when the breeze blows, landscaper mowing noise, cars driving by, nearly impossible to hear sis and her soft voice now. they had some staff cases but did not shut down my sister area/visits. But last week had 2 new staff cases, another one this week= FOUR MORE WEEKS of misery for sis and myself. Sis is in her room by herself, she would not be able to turn on the TV or work the phone by herself. Recently sis has not been clean, her nails were nasty with gunk, I could see gunk stuck in her teeth. No one returns my calls about what is going on-been told sis is loosing weight and BP is going up-geee i wonder why people.

Since I'm in California and the governor here is constantly moving the goalposts, I've been able to "see" my mother exactly once since March -- outside from eight feet away, gloved (why??), masked, and wearing goggles in 95° heat. It was a fiasco, because my mother is nearly blind and deaf as a post. She can't see anyone from that distance, and she couldn't understand me through a mask. I left in tears after five minutes because she closed her eyes which is her signal that she's just done.

I've gone back to window visits, because I can talk to her on the phone and don't have to wear a mask. It frustrates me to no end, though, as a caregiver is in there with her leaning close to tell her something so she can hear, patting her on the arm, and doing everything I should be able to do for her. They aren't living in bubble where they can't catch Covid anymore than I am, and the caregivers brought Covid in there in the first place. They had an outbreak, but it was over in six weeks.

That was in June and July, so why are they still locked down like Fort Knox? I should be able to see my mother!

My mother’s facility has worked very hard to keep the residents and staff safe. They offer face time visits, offer to help with phone calls, window visits. They have just started porch visits. These facilities are under such pressure. They are blamed when residents and staff get sick, and they are blamed for keeping residents “prisoners” when they put in restrictions so people don’t get sick. They can’t win. All I know is that I am grateful that my mother’s facility has been able to keep the facility symptom free for this entire time. And the staff can feel safer going to work. If there was no staff my mother wouldn’t be able to have the care she needs that I can’t provide to her.

Where I am from, we get to do outdoor visits. Wearing masks and sitting 6 feet apart.

My mom is in Memory Care. They have plexiglass separated masked indoor visits. She has had 2, with other family members, both have been failures. She doesnt understand, the distance and masks make communication difficult and the disruption of her usual schedule....
They allow more relaxed visits outside for the regular assisited living/independent living people.
They are still dragging their feet "preparing " for allowing essential caregivers.
Now, I am careful and I realize they cant depend on everyone to do the same. Other family members may have jobs where they are exposed potentially or kids in school. And god knows, I dont want my mom to be patient zero in an outbreak at the facility.
But there is a loophole, if they have an essential appointment you can take them with you. I had needed to get my mom set up with a local PCP and it was time for yearly physical, get prescriptions. So I took her to the doctor. She got her flu shot and did bloodwork. Then, since she missed lunch, we sat together in my car at Sonic and had a hamburger and conversation. All of which they were ok with.
Now this was legit and necessary.
But I wonder how long before people are saying mom has an "appointment " just to have a visit. At least at the facility they'd have more control,; they need to figure it out.

Now, Im extremely happy about this next part. I went to the Director, ready to plead my case to have a small(<10 people), masked, outdoor gathering at the facility for my Mom's 90th birthday later this month. And she said, how about this idea( and my heart sank) " Why dont you just take your Mom to your house for the party? We will just call it "essential " !!!!!!! Just mask/hand sanitize/social dist.
So party is on! I hope my mom has a good day.
Her mental decline over the past year has been striking, as has her balance and now some incontinence issues. So this permisssion is a blessing since Im dont believe it will be able to do for much longer.

Update: I got my visit at MC today. It was in front of a very large picture window and the sound was poor, but I don’t think it mattered. My LO is very severe and not really able to focus on anything. Staff tried, but, she’s too out of it, She can’t hold her head up. She’s not sedated...just sleepy and sort of in a semi vegetative state, It was still good to see her though. You never know when it will be the last time.

No sign of opening LTC in Kansas. Mom now has advanced Alzheimer's and doesn't know me. It's horrible. She's lonely and thinks she's been forgotten.

I have not seen my mother since February. I’m constantly being told I cannot enter my mom’s rehab center due to Covid. First there are no cases, then cases. Can’t anyone help us??

The 'cure' is worse than the pandemic.

I live in the state of Michigan and I’m still not allowed visitation inside the building. For awhile we were able to visit on the patio but that was very short because it is too cold for my mom to set outside. I realize they are trying to keep her safe but I believe she is dying from the isolation. I don’t know why I can’t mask up, gown up and wear gloves to visit with her. She is 93 years old, is hard of hearing and has dementia. I miss her very much😢

Yes, same here. I was blessed to finally see my mother for 20 minutes, 7-8 feet apart, outside on a patio, masked. Allowed once a week at most, to allow times for other families. We were given 3 morning time slots to choose from. Taking off from work, I saw mom, with dementia, wheelchair and oxygen ( survived covid19). She was busy finally looking at the trees and plants. I guess so, she has been in her room with 2 roommates for months, no activities...I was just another masked person with a muffled voice. She looked at me , but shortly, and back to the trees.
Staff and residents continue to test positive, so no more visits.
I used to visit almost every day, feeding her a banana, homemade fruit juice mix and doing her hair, nails, applying good soothing oatmeal/ coconut lotion on skin, making her smile.
It's frustrating and sad. Staff bringing covid into the building, and spreading it.
Another nursing home a few miles away had 2 cases of covid this year, and families have been able to visit loved ones inside. They get activities.
Lets all stay in touch. Not alone in this. I dont know other families with loved ones in the building to chat with..., so I feel alone.

We get to visit my mom inside today for 1/2 hour. Had to schedule last week..they have limited slots available. We can visit 2 times a week / max 2 people.. I’m not sure if it’s in her room or a common area. This will be the first time we will be going into the facility. My mom moved there in June and we have never been inside!

At my dad's skilled nursing facility, there are no in-person visits, only window visits. But I understand that they are doing scheduled outside visits at the assisted living where he used to live. I live in Oregon.

MC facility cleaned 2 small front rooms. I. Scheduled a Sunday visit for 20 minutes
LO in memory care and was in a good mood. It made my day to see a smile instead of complaints. Only one visitor. Which Is good. masks required and 6 feet apart. Best idea yet

We are in New York and there haven't been any visitors allowed at my Mom's SNF since the shutdown in March. There have been changing rules (coming from the State) which started as - you can open after 28 days if there are no positive tests for staff or residents. So, each time someone would test positive, another 28 days was added. After getting a lot of flak about that, the State changed it to 14 days. At the same time, all staff were required to be tested once a week and that's when the positive tests started showing up. Most of the staff were asymptomatic so it wouldn't have been detected without the test. While I'm sad that I can't visit inside, I'm glad these tests are being done because it is the only way of knowing if there's someone who could be spreading the virus without realizing it.

After a number of weeks with staff testing positive, a number of the residents also started testing positive. We were so sad to hear that three of them ended up dying. Since the SNF was not allowing anyone new to be admitted to the facility, these residents got the virus from staff who were asymptomatic - even when being tested. So far we've been lucky that Mom's wing has been spared.

I really wish I could see Mom more than just at her window but, at the same time, I would never want that in lieu of keeping her safe. A few weeks ago, the facility was declared COVID free and I was fully expecting a notice that I could visit. But, last week another staff person tested positive so it's another 14 days......Sigh....

My dad passed suddenly last month at his AL. He had been allowed out with me to go visit my mom through the window at her SN (thank goodness the day before I actually hugged my dad! I feel so much for those whose LOs have passed without this contact prior). When my dad passed I had to tell my mom through the window, but they did bend the rules - brought her outside in her wheelchair so we could hug her. At least they got to see each other two days before, but they hadn't held each other's hand or hugged for 7 months.

We still only have window visits with my mom and she is declining, especially because she sits in her room all day now. No activities, and she is also depressed because she hasn't been able to get her hair cut in 7 months. I don't understand why she can't see the beauty shop in her SN to cut her hair! All her adult life she has had a a very short haircut and now it's past her shoulders. I can tell it bothers her. She is declining so much she doesn't even want to read, something she's always enjoyed.

We've got to do something to get our LOs back to some semblance of normal. Why can't social distancing take place and have a musician even come in to play music? And I think the "Essential Caregiver" idea should be implemented.

Hugs to all of you going through this with your LOs.

My wife is in Post acute SNF LTC subsequent to a massive stroke five years ago. As of March 13 this year she was pleased in total lockdown here in California. since then I’ve made numerous request for even partial consideration allowing visitation. Al to no avail. I’m told it’s the state of California and CDC Mandate. I continue to fight City Hall.

New visitation guidelines were given by Centers of Medicare/Medicaid on September 17, 2020 It does say facilities must open up in-person visits both outdoor and indoor. However, the community must not have had COVID within 14 days for these visits to occur.

My concerns from your post
1. The communities are required to automatically notify families of active cases.
You should have been made aware of the staff testing positive, whether or not you planned a visit.
2. Even before this new guideline went into place communities were required to find a way for families to stay in contact with their loved ones. Many communities set up video conferencing such as Zoom or Ring Central calls so families and residents can connect.

Recommendations
1. Call the community and request a Zoom Call.
2. There is no reason you should not be able to do the "window visit" even with active Covid cases in the building.
3. Check the communities website and see if they are showing the COVID Positive results on the website. If the community is owned by a corporation it may be listed on that page.

If you cannot find any verification of the "COVID Positive" staff, I would call the long-term care Ombudsman office in your area and have them get involved.

I called a community last week and told them I was coming by to visit a client and they told me I was not allowed to visit due to COVID. I told them I knew that was not true that the guidelines had been updated on 09.17.2020 and they must allow visits, they were COVID free. I was then told that's true but we don't want you to come. I responded, that I did not care if they "wanted" me to come my client requested a visit and I intended to visit. At that point the did schedule a visit for me, they are are allowed to request that you schedule visits.

It's a very hard situation. I cannot fault the ALC for wanting to keep the patients/staff safe. However, my husband and I have a concern about my MIL's mental health due to being confined. She's getting worse. She calls all times of the middle of the night and says crazy things. And we are very concerned about what her apt looks like. She is a hoarder. We have not been able to get in and clean. We worry if she has space to walk around. The ALC does not have cleaning staff. MIL is responsible for her own cleaning. They serve her meals and hand out meds and do her laundry. And since we cannot get in, they bathe her twice a week.

I am in Pittsburgh PA and i had to put my wife in a nurse home she went in 3 days before the Governor locked the state down the state is now at 50% the home my wife is in is still on total lockdown i have not been in contact with her since just before the lockdown the interesting thing is there has not been a single case EVER at this home i get to call her because i did give her a phone just a day before the lockdown. she tells me how BAD it is there with meds being given wrong no one answers the call button for at the least 2 hours well any way i could go on but it is just terrible not being to see my wife we have been married for 40 years and all I can do is pray