Ideally, everybody needs an overall cleaning daily with soap and water to remove microorganisms, old skin cells, and excess oil/soil from their skin. Folks with dry skin need high fat soaps and/or moisturizing lotions.
In dire circumstances, everybody needs a daily "airplane bath" - cleaning under the wings (armpits) and tail (bottom) if a daily wash-up isn't an option. In those cases, the person should get a "total bath" several times every week.
Hair should be washed every couple of days. Dry shampoos and cap shampoos (shower cap with non-rinse shampoo inside) are available. Hair brushing should be daily to loosen old skin and distribute hair oils along entire length of hair strand.
My father had COPD and mild (undiagnosed) dementia. He would do a wipe down on most days and then once a week my nephew (his grandson) would come and give him a shower. It worked well as my Mom couldn't help him in the shower anymore and having a male he was related to assisting him relieved most of the embarrassment. It would have been impossible for a female relative or aide. My Mom now has advanced dementia and she gets a bed bath twice a week.
Wendy, I posted this on another question where the OP said her mom w dementia was refusing to bathe. I copied it thinking it might help you:
Dementia sufferers normally hate bathing; there are many reasons why, fear is only one. There is a great 33 page booklet to read on the subject in general, which I will link you to. In the meantime, here is a blurb from it on the subject of bathing:
"Grooming and bathing are disrupted when the person forgets how and when to do things. They may forget what the steps of washing are. They may forget that they need to wash. They may be unable to remember how much time has elapsed since they last washed or changed their clothes. They may also believe that they are clean and take offence should anyone suggest otherwise. Dealing with such situations in a manner that is kind and jovial, rather than confrontational, is important. One fellow, who needed to help his wife bathe as she was no longer able to do so herself, was puzzled because she was calm and cooperative until he helped her step out of the bathtub, and then she became agitated and wanted to get covered up immediately. As it turned out, as soon as she saw her own reflection in the mirror, she thought there was another person in the bathroom, and she was embarrassed. As you can see, the cause of the distress for a person with dementia is not always readily apparent to the rest of us, who can take intact thought and reasoning for granted.
If a person with Alzheimer disease is looking at a solid black area, or a solid white area, such as a bathtub, they may perceive a yawning bottomless hole. Putting a coloured bath mat down may increase the likelihood that they would be willing to step into the tub. Putting blue food colouring into the water may allow them to see what they are stepping into as well. Generally, with altered depth perception, it becomes challenging to judge how high, deep, long, wide, near or far things are. If you send clear signals through your tone of voice, facial expression and relaxed and confident attitude, that you mean them no harm, they may trust you to the point where you are able to help them with their personal care. People with Alzheimer disease become extremely sensitive to the body language of others, as they no longer possess the judgment and insight to understand the situation, so they evaluate the threat posed to themselves by the frown or aggressive stance of the other. It is important to exaggerate your body language communication to let the person with Alzheimer disease know that you intend them no harm. A smile on your face, a relaxed tone of voice and body stance, a sense of calmness and reassurance, perhaps a hug, all communicate that you mean to help, not harm. If you feel like you’re overdoing the positive body language, you are communicating your intent effectively for a person with Alzheimer disease.
Remember that their short-term memory may not permit them to remember what you are doing when the two of you are part way through a task, such as a bath. People have found it effective to keep chatting throughout the task, as the continued connection and reassurance of a soothing tone helps the person with AD stay calm in a situation they would otherwise find threatening."
Teepa Snow has excellent online videos about how to bathe an elder with dementia; check her out on YouTube.
Here is the link to the online Ebook which is a free download with excellent information about dementia:
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
You can order large body wipes on Amazon and no rinse shampoo also, which work in a pinch when your mother refuses a real bath. Hiring an aide to come into the home is also an option; mom doesn't have to 'like it', but if it's the right person, she will eventually come to accept her as a friend who will help her bathe.
I did the same as another responder mentioned. Hands, face, groin daily, and we did a sponge bath every other day. We did his wife on the off day. We started sponge bathing when I noticed he wasn’t showering himself properly anymore. They had one of those showers they could sit in. I started noticing he was in and out of the shower in like two minutes. So I peaked in one day, good caregivers do that, and I noticed he was basically spraying his head and shoulders for five seconds and then getting out. (it was actually too awkward to use when their ability to walk started to go.) I agree, the verbiage shouldn’t run off a good caregiver.
I agree with a lot of the posters who advise 1-2 times a week all over, and daily wipe-downs or sponge baths, and settle for whatever can be accomplished! Last week, I gave 3 reluctant cats a flea bath, then a couple days later showered my 92 yo mom (who lives in AL). Guess which critter was the easiest to bathe? 😸
I may laugh about it now, but it wasn’t funny to me at all when at the start of my visit, the nurse told me my mother was refusing to shower, and they “can’t make her shower, she has the right to refuse help.” So after working through the feelings of resentment for having to be the one to do it (when we’re paying so much for AL care), I tried a no-nonsense approach with some humor thrown in and got her into the shower after first making sure the bathroom and water was warm.
One thing that surprised me about the experience was that water that I considered comfortably warm felt too hot to her. She also didn’t want to take all her clothes off and was asking if she could just leave her underwear on. So now I’m contemplating ways to shower her where parts of her could be left partially clothed at a time… maybe she wouldn’t feel quite so vulnerable and still a little in control of the situation.
Still, the biggest thing to overcome is that elders with dementia don’t seem to perceive the fact that they’re dirty or have body odor. Keep reading the Aging Care forum, there are lots of posts on here that talk about this dilemma and possible solutions.
Wishing you encouragement this day in your caregiving journey!
Regarding the underwear situation, try those swim skirts. If this is just about being covered, you can cut the crotch area out as you’ll obviously need access.
Try getting a male caregiver. That would substantially eliminate the embarrassment aspect of it and perhaps make him more receptive. It is no different than many women not wanting a male caregiver assisting them with showers.
1. Use bathing cloths like we do at hospitals , order by the case. I use them to wipes hands and face before/after meals, so it is not just bathing. It may be nicer if warmed . 2. Will the aid lay out clothes for days the are not working with Dad, ...AND label the day for use?
I think it’s a very common issue … my husband same … I think for a lot of proud men who have always been ‘take charge’ personality and maybe running business, it’s demoralizing to have someone helping them with showers…. We tend to forget that they’re aware of everything they’ve lost even in throes of dementia. learn what you can … teena snow care blazers great utubes on all this games dementia.
I have the same issue. I hired shower care through a firm 3x a week for routine. The goal is shower twice, sink bath once. I struggle to change him and get clean the other days.
it’s a shoot for the best, settle for anything, situation.
IMHO, It depends on his activity level. My mother has dementia, uses a LOT of Depends and we try to get her to take a shower twice a week. Key word: try. She argues with us every time.
Don't focus on 'should be's' here and settle for 'good enough's' instead. 2x a week for a shower is more than good enough for an elder suffering from dementia/ALZ and COPD, once a week if twice gets to be too much for him.
You may find some obvious reasons that make sense to why Dad resists eg hates being cold, doesn't enjoy the water hitting him, no concept of body odour. Or you have no idea - maybe Dad has no idea either - he just wants to say NO & be left alone!
Things that can work; - Making the wash/shower as comfortable as possible or warm. - Having a no-no sense approach. Follow me.. It's time for... - Routine eg Every Mon Wed Fri.
Some actually do better if the routine is EVERY day. As 2-3 times a week is too tricky for their memory to hold. Up, wash breakfast.
The most 'resistive' to hygiene at a reasonable level, may find themself in a care home. Medication for mood may be an inbetween step that makes staying home possible for a bit longer. (A little pill is helping my LO stay at home).
Just a tip- any “caregiver” who is run off by a victim of dementia using “naughty language” may not be worth having around anyway.
The “words” of a person who is suffering cognitive loss are MEANINGLESS and should be expected to be incomprehensible and sometimes highly offensive. A caregiver can walk away, turn the TV up louder, deflect, change the subject.
Maybe your dad could benefit from a small dose of a carefully chosen medication to help him be more comfortable and peaceful in his daily activities.
Dad hasn’t “…turned into someone mean”. He’s turning into someone who is losing his ability to use language as he did when he was a younger man. This will become progressively more difficult for him. His “filters” are failing.
Only children have an extra tough time when parents’ skills begin to fail. But truth- sometimes it’s actually easier if you are free to do the research on your dad’s current situation, then act on what you’ve learned.
Come back. There are lots of us “LonelyOnlies” here.
He has a shower chair and takes help . However , he still fights and argues about it. It is going on 3 weeks now. If we tell him he needs to take a shower today, with help, he becomes very mean. Don’t know what to do. He runs off the caregivers by his language. Believe me, this isn’t my Dad. He has turned into someone who is mean. I am also and only child and I am tired.
mean usually translates to scared and lashing out. look at it from his point of view. Everything is changing, his thoughts, his body, his memories...EVERYTHING that has made him the man he was is being erased. How absolutely terrifying and painful! I'm sorry if you haven't been informed on what is happening with him. Dementia is brain death. quite literally, parts of his brain are atrophying It's a brain disease and is no different than heart disease killing the heart. I agree with other posters...look for Teepa Snow on YT (the older videos have more information) If you can get a male to bathe him (cousin, friend, aide) it would probably be better.
I would say at least two times a week and a wash up every day.
If your Dad is suffering from Dementia, do not expect him to initiate the shower. And as frequent said, for some reason those suffering from Dementias no longer like showers. One reason too is the bathroom is cold. I always warmed up Moms up first.
If cleaning up means after using the bathroom, he may now need help. As the Dementia progresses, you will need to do more for him.
WendyP, once a week is good enough, and inbetween times use baby wipes.
My concern is can your Dad still shower on his own being he has dementia? There will come a time when he will no longer want to shower as his dementia will create numerous issues.... such as he doesn't like the feel of shower water on his skin.... have the feeling of being closed-in in the shower.... fear of falling, etc.
There are skilled caregivers that you can hire just for showering/bathing. They will recommend you get a shower chair so Dad can feel safer sitting down. That grab bars be installed. And your Dad won't feel as embarrassed having a caregiver help compared to having his daughter assist him.
In dire circumstances, everybody needs a daily "airplane bath" - cleaning under the wings (armpits) and tail (bottom) if a daily wash-up isn't an option. In those cases, the person should get a "total bath" several times every week.
Hair should be washed every couple of days. Dry shampoos and cap shampoos (shower cap with non-rinse shampoo inside) are available. Hair brushing should be daily to loosen old skin and distribute hair oils along entire length of hair strand.
It worked well as my Mom couldn't help him in the shower anymore and having a male he was related to assisting him relieved most of the embarrassment. It would have been impossible for a female relative or aide.
My Mom now has advanced dementia and she gets a bed bath twice a week.
Dementia sufferers normally hate bathing; there are many reasons why, fear is only one. There is a great 33 page booklet to read on the subject in general, which I will link you to. In the meantime, here is a blurb from it on the subject of bathing:
"Grooming and bathing are disrupted when the person forgets how and when to do things. They may forget what the steps of washing are. They may forget that they need to wash. They may be unable to remember how much time has elapsed since they last washed or changed their clothes. They may also believe that they are clean and take offence should anyone suggest otherwise. Dealing with such situations in a manner that is kind and jovial, rather than confrontational, is important. One fellow, who needed to help his wife bathe as she was no longer able to do so herself, was puzzled because she was calm and cooperative until he helped her step out of the bathtub, and then she became agitated and wanted to get covered up immediately. As it turned out, as soon as she saw her own reflection in the mirror, she thought there was another person in the bathroom, and she was embarrassed. As you can see, the cause of the distress for a person with dementia is not always readily apparent to the rest of us, who can take intact thought and reasoning for granted.
If a person with Alzheimer disease is looking at a solid black area, or a solid white area, such as a bathtub, they may perceive a yawning bottomless hole. Putting a coloured bath mat down may increase the likelihood that they would be willing to step into the tub. Putting blue food colouring into the water may allow them to see what they are stepping into as well. Generally, with altered depth perception, it becomes challenging to judge how high, deep, long, wide, near or far things are.
If you send clear signals through your tone of voice, facial expression and relaxed and confident attitude, that you mean them no harm, they may trust you to the point where you are able to help them with their personal care. People with Alzheimer disease become extremely sensitive to the body language of others, as they no longer possess the judgment and insight to understand the situation, so they evaluate the threat posed to themselves by the frown or aggressive stance of the other. It is important to exaggerate your body language communication to let the person with Alzheimer disease know that you intend them no harm. A smile on your face, a relaxed tone of voice and body stance, a sense of calmness and reassurance, perhaps a hug, all communicate that you mean to help, not harm. If you feel like you’re overdoing the positive body language, you are communicating your intent effectively for a person with Alzheimer disease.
Remember that their short-term memory may not permit them to remember what you are doing when the two of you are part way through a task, such as a bath. People have found it effective to keep chatting throughout the task, as the continued connection and reassurance of a soothing tone helps the person with AD stay calm in a situation they would otherwise find threatening."
Teepa Snow has excellent online videos about how to bathe an elder with dementia; check her out on YouTube.
Here is the link to the online Ebook which is a free download with excellent information about dementia:
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
You can order large body wipes on Amazon and no rinse shampoo also, which work in a pinch when your mother refuses a real bath. Hiring an aide to come into the home is also an option; mom doesn't have to 'like it', but if it's the right person, she will eventually come to accept her as a friend who will help her bathe.
Good luck!
I agree with a lot of the posters who advise 1-2 times a week all over, and daily wipe-downs or sponge baths, and settle for whatever can be accomplished! Last week, I gave 3 reluctant cats a flea bath, then a couple days later showered my 92 yo mom (who lives in AL). Guess which critter was the easiest to bathe? 😸
I may laugh about it now, but it wasn’t funny to me at all when at the start of my visit, the nurse told me my mother was refusing to shower, and they “can’t make her shower, she has the right to refuse help.” So after working through the feelings of resentment for having to be the one to do it (when we’re paying so much for AL care), I tried a no-nonsense approach with some humor thrown in and got her into the shower after first making sure the bathroom and water was warm.
One thing that surprised me about the experience was that water that I considered comfortably warm felt too hot to her. She also didn’t want to take all her clothes off and was asking if she could just leave her underwear on. So now I’m contemplating ways to shower her where parts of her could be left partially clothed at a time… maybe she wouldn’t feel quite so vulnerable and still a little in control of the situation.
Still, the biggest thing to overcome is that elders with dementia don’t seem to perceive the fact that they’re dirty or have body odor. Keep reading the Aging Care forum, there are lots of posts on here that talk about this dilemma and possible solutions.
Wishing you encouragement this day in your caregiving journey!
2. Will the aid lay out clothes for days the are not working with Dad, ...AND label the day for use?
my husband same … I think for a lot of proud men who have always been ‘take charge’ personality and maybe running business, it’s demoralizing to have someone helping them with showers…. We tend to forget that they’re aware of everything they’ve lost even in throes of dementia.
learn what you can … teena snow
care blazers great utubes on all this games dementia.
it’s a shoot for the best, settle for anything, situation.
You may find some obvious reasons that make sense to why Dad resists eg hates being cold, doesn't enjoy the water hitting him, no concept of body odour. Or you have no idea - maybe Dad has no idea either - he just wants to say NO & be left alone!
Things that can work;
- Making the wash/shower as comfortable as possible or warm.
- Having a no-no sense approach. Follow me.. It's time for...
- Routine eg Every Mon Wed Fri.
Some actually do better if the routine is EVERY day. As 2-3 times a week is too tricky for their memory to hold. Up, wash breakfast.
The most 'resistive' to hygiene at a reasonable level, may find themself in a care home. Medication for mood may be an inbetween step that makes staying home possible for a bit longer. (A little pill is helping my LO stay at home).
The “words” of a person who is suffering cognitive loss are MEANINGLESS and should be expected to be incomprehensible and sometimes highly offensive. A caregiver can walk away, turn the TV up louder, deflect, change the subject.
Maybe your dad could benefit from a small dose of a carefully chosen medication to help him be more comfortable and peaceful in his daily activities.
Dad hasn’t “…turned into someone mean”. He’s turning into someone who is losing his ability to use language as he did when he was a younger man. This will become progressively more difficult for him. His “filters” are failing.
Only children have an extra tough time when parents’ skills begin to fail. But truth- sometimes it’s actually easier if you are free to do the research on your dad’s current situation, then act on what you’ve learned.
Come back. There are lots of us “LonelyOnlies” here.
look at it from his point of view. Everything is changing, his thoughts, his body, his memories...EVERYTHING that has made him the man he was is being erased. How absolutely terrifying and painful!
I'm sorry if you haven't been informed on what is happening with him. Dementia is brain death. quite literally, parts of his brain are atrophying
It's a brain disease and is no different than heart disease killing the heart.
I agree with other posters...look for Teepa Snow on YT (the older videos have more information)
If you can get a male to bathe him (cousin, friend, aide) it would probably be better.
You have some answers at your previous post.
If your Dad is suffering from Dementia, do not expect him to initiate the shower. And as frequent said, for some reason those suffering from Dementias no longer like showers. One reason too is the bathroom is cold. I always warmed up Moms up first.
If cleaning up means after using the bathroom, he may now need help. As the Dementia progresses, you will need to do more for him.
My concern is can your Dad still shower on his own being he has dementia? There will come a time when he will no longer want to shower as his dementia will create numerous issues.... such as he doesn't like the feel of shower water on his skin.... have the feeling of being closed-in in the shower.... fear of falling, etc.
There are skilled caregivers that you can hire just for showering/bathing. They will recommend you get a shower chair so Dad can feel safer sitting down. That grab bars be installed. And your Dad won't feel as embarrassed having a caregiver help compared to having his daughter assist him.