Hi. My mom (76 yo) suffers from dementia, almost advanced stage, she's totally dependent for everything. She lives with my father (almost 79), who is mentally and physically ok. They live in the same building with my two brothers. I visit them on the weekends, and very often on weekdays, especially when I have days off work. We also have a female caregiver from 8 a.m. to 3 pm.
Mom is luckily very calm, and I really like being around her. Plus, I do everything when there, but my father is driving me crazy with his loud TV, watching the news and political talk shows, almost 24th. Whenever I ask him to lower the volume, or go and watch TV in his room instead, he gets defensive. I also asked him twice, in the lady's presence, letting him know that he has to be considerate of others (expect me) too. He just got defensive, as usual. We have also told him to go out for some fresh air, when the lady is around, but he won't listen.
Is there anything I can do?
We actually slept in separate bedrooms for the last 8 years b/c he refused to not have a TV in the bedroom. I couldn't sleep with it on! He chose an APPLIANCE over me. That hurt!
No compromise whatsoever. I moved out and he didn't care.
In our "NEW" home he was scouting out where the master bedroom TV should go. I put my foot down and said "You can have the biggest TV in the world, but you cannot put it in the bedroom". I stood my ground and he put an enormous TV in the kitchen/gathering room. I bought him a gorgeous recliner and he sits in that with BLUE TOOTH headphones on and I don't have to hear the stupid debates.
He likes to golf (too snowy right now) and he 'thinks' now he's retiring that he's going to take up woodworking, but I don't see how or why. He has no friends, just work colleagues, but he is close to our Sons in Law.
He told me the other day that his retirement means that I'm retiring. I couldn't hold back the laughter, Having him home is easily twice the work of when I'm alone.
Get your hubby some quality blue tooth headphones. DH wears them and listens to podcasts and music. He has very poor hearing and refuses to wear his $6K hearing aids. I have given up that battle.
Some battles are not worth the fight. He misses a LOT in life due to the hearing issues and the obsession with right wing politics.
I go downstairs to my craft room and leave him be.
Our 'Golden Years' are nothing like I'd thought they'd be.
If you are able to overlook his “defensiveness”, it’s time to do that.
TELL HIM, as unemotionally as you can, that unless he wears a blue tooth setup or other type of comfortable television sound amplifier when he’s asked to, you won’t visit. He can get defensive, he can throw a tantrum, he can do what he pleases, but you are making a reasonable request, and you ARE entitled to reasonable compliance.
Then the ball is in your court to follow through.
Being defensive is bearable. Loud ceaseless noise is NOT.
Modern hearing aids are nothing like previous kinds. They're so inconspicuous that no one even knows someone is wearing them. What is conspicuous is if an elder keeps saying, "Whassat? Who? I can't hear you! Huh?" At some point, people don't try to communicate with a hard-of-hearing elder anymore. That social isolation contributes to various maladies that no one wants.
Sad. Huh? What? Who? SAD.
I wonder if dad himself is suffering some cognitive impairment in addition to hearing issues? Listening to NEWS all day long would drive anyone to a state of insanity, I think, so I would suggest to dad he watch a nice movie or something!
Don't try to change dad, is the best advice you can probably get. It's like beating your head against a brick wall....you'll be the one to wind up with the headache, not dad.
Best of luck.
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