How to deal with selling your childhood house when wife is against it?

If the tenant calls at midnight for a leaking whatever or something broke….who will be responding? Your wife? Probably not. Sell

I am not an only child and I am not faced with selling a childhood home so I can only imagine how hard it is to let go. But, I am dealing with affairs for two parents in their 90s who do still own a home and therefore can relate to the business side of your dilemma. In my opinion it’s a “bird in hand” situation if you already have a buyer - sell it. Your wife should respect your decision since it was YOUR childhood home and since keeping it and renting it will certainly affect and complicate your life (and I think hers too). Take some trips - do something fun with some of the money and invest the rest. Renting can work but comes with headaches and is not always the reliable income stream she may think it will be. Talk it out and work it out as a team if you can - but in the end it was from your parents side.
Good luck.

I am in Canada and I am sure inheritance laws are different, but please talk to a lawyer before you do anything.

Here in Canada an inheritance is not divisible in a divorce, unless the asset or funds have been commingled with family funds. In your case, if you keep and rent the house, and the net rent comes general family revenues, you would be commingling the funds.

If you sell the house and keep the funds in a separate investment account, it is not considered to be a family asset in case of divorce.

I am not saying your marriage in jeopardy, but it is important to know the laws where you live.

Next suggestion, please hire one or more helpers to sort through and pack up the house. It will make so much easier for you.

If you decide to rent it out, I want to point out that your math missed an important point. If in 20 years of renting you will earn what you could sell it for today, you have not taken into consideration what you could sell it for in the future.

I am a financial planner and in situations like yours there is value in talking to a fee for service FP to look over the numbers. They do not have to prepare a full financial plan for you, just two scenarios of keep and rent, vs sell and invest.

It sounds like you have thought it through logically, and are doing the right thing.

It sounds like your wife is in deep denial.

A lot depends on the state. I live in California and would just about do anything not to have to rent out a house here. It's impossible to get people out unless they are willing to go. But I digress. Please see a mediator. I agree that it's your house and your decision when it comes down to it. If it's painful or unpleasant or just doesn't make sense financially, why keep it with all the headaches that could come with potentially bad renters. We know someone whose mother put something like concrete down the sink because she had caulked something in the shower and rinsed it all off down the sink. HUGE expense. People don't have to be evil to do something that could ruin your house. See why I would need a mediator if I were married to your wife? It's easy to be sold on your own side.

For me, when my mother passed away this year, I couldn't wait to sell the place. She didn't have anything of value except the property - everything else was cheap, or if it was expensive it had been broken and reglued or taped with who knows what so of no value. Most of everything went to the dump, some of it was donated to non-profits. And, I personally, lost my things in a disaster. The house - yes it had memories, but the house isn't the memory - the memories live in the heart. You don't need the 'things' to have the memories.
You could rent, but the costs, time and effort involved -plus having to be 'on call' as the landlord (do you REALLY want that phone call on Christmas morning or at 2am Thanksgiving when they call you to tell you the furnace doesn't work and the pipes just burst?) It is a lot of work with no guarantee (think back to last year when renters couldn't pay rent, the landlords couldn't evict but the landlords had to keep paying the mortgages, insurance, property taxes, etc).

So, my vote would be to sell the place now (sell high) and get the cash now. Before the economy changes, which is will start doing so in 2022. Will wife be happy - probably not. But if you don't sell now, you won't be happy.

It is hard for family when a loved one passes - so many fond memories tied to every item the person used. Each of you might keep a rather large box of items you wish of momentos of your parents, GoodWill or Salvation Army will take the clothes as well as much of the contents of the house. Secondhand/thrift store owners will often buy the contents of a home for a set price and haul it away for you.

The home is not a person or your parents. It would be a shame not to allow another family the joy of creating wonderful memories in that home.

DarkMatter: My mother owned a home not in the state of either myself or my sole sibling. As I was the one living and caring for my mother for an extended period, I was beyond exhausted. My DH arrived and had great organizational skills to purge out my mother's home, market it and sell it through a realtor in my late mother's town. It wasn't without glitches, but we got it accomplished.

My impression: you’re 100% wrong, You say “she’s not being supportive” because she sees a different financial opportunity (rental) and is not comfortable with the rate at which you’re disposing of things she associates with her FIL.

Translation: You set a schedule for grieving and she has the nerve to exceed it. You want to sell and she dares to disagree … because the stock market is a guaranteed income (lol). No wonder she shuts down.

Maybe you stop talking about what you want and listen to what your wife wants and needs. Then work together instead of pulling the only child so it’s just about me card.

Hi... My Dad passed away on Father's Day 2016 and my Mom on 1/28/21. I'm an only child.
I'm slowly going through things at their house. It too is "vintage/classic". I have decided that renting the place just doesn't add up also. I have reduced energy consumption by unplugging freezer unit and an extra refrigerator. The utility bills are as low as they can go at this point.
My wife and I are trying to decide if we want to move into that house. The 2 houses are about 2 miles apart.
There is certainly a lot of things that have to be sorted through.
I've decided to take my time. I too, have had excellent offers for either one of my places. I'm in no need to hurry, thank God.
The outside areas, especially the front yard has been my big concern. It was a beautiful putting green type of lawn with straight-edged hedges before my Dad got sick. Then we hired out the work. After my Dad passed, my Mom became very critical of things and of all outside help coming in. It was obvious that the front lawn and hedges were never going to be like Dad's were again. I'm just trying to not have the worse front yard on the street right now.
Good luck ... I'll keep an eye out for further updates from you.
We have some decisions to make, don't we. But while we're deciding, let's take the time needed to reflect as we go through things.

In this case, I see your point and agree with you completely. She is being stubborn and not thinking of the future. Thank god you have some brains. You may have to have an outsider present the facts to her and hope she'll see the light. If not, well, sometimes you just have to take the bull by the horns. Find a new bright, cheery happy place. She'll get used to it.

DarkMatter, arm up, only child here. One way to deal with this is to make up a chart showing how much money you would make if selling the house now [as is] and the possibility of what your net worth would be putting said funds into stocks.

Now, do a chart showing how much money you would make [if any] if the house was kept as an "investment" and having tenants. Being a landlord is like having a business. There are profit and losses. Real estate market has it highs and lows, just like the stock market.

For myself, back decades ago I had excellent tenants for my properties, I went through a Realtor. The tenants were vetted, etc. I even allowed pets. As part of their rent, I paid for lawn service.

If your wife wants the house as a rental, is she willing to do the spreadsheets for income and expenses? I hired a CPA to do my income taxes, as it was complex. Is your wife willing to field the calls from the tenants, this is not a 9 to 5 M-F job.

Is she willing to go over to the house to fix things? Ready to wheel and deal for new items the house will need? Does she know any good roofers? Plumbers? Electricians? Is she willing to pay real estate taxes, higher homeowner's insurance/umbrella policy? Purchase new carpet between tenants? Understand in the Lease regarding "normal wear and tear".

Let us know what happens.

I have rented several homes for various reasons. My experience is that the more you value a home for sentimental reasons the less you should be interested in renting it. Nobody will see the house as you do, nobody will care for it as you would like to have it cared for. Take a lot of photos, clean it up and stage it for the sale, take more photos. Then sell it. Get input from some good realtors/brokers, put a good price on it and sell it quickly. Be willing to take less than YOU think it is worth because it will be worth much more to you than to anybody else. Then never drive past the house again. The new owners will make changes and some of them will make you sad. Preserve the memories of the house and your life in it, but let the house go. It is part of your past.

Caring for a rental property is a big responsibility and costs more than you think and nets you less than you thought it would. Renters rights are on the rise, landlord rights are on the decline. Getting rid of unwanted tenants is very difficult and very expensive. You do not want that headache. Sell it to somebody who has no emotional stake in the property. They will deal with it better than you could. Every time I have rented out a home I have ended up promising myself that I will never do it again.

I can relate. It is very hard. My parents rented out my great grandmother's house and the people stopped paying the rent on purpose. After many headaches, parents sold it. I have my memories which are way better than driving past it. It's not in bad shape, but it is sad, so I don't do it.
Perhaps that house is someone's dream house waiting for a renewal.
Did you know you can get purple heart to come pick up the donated items? If you have a lot, you can call them and they will have a truck and more people will come to load it.
I know it is so hard to deal with. But you are stronger than you know. There are businesses that will come help you clean it out. Not just take it to the dump, but help you sort and do what you want with the items.
My parents were hoarders in the end, so luckily I found a company that helped me. You must be there and supervise. Don't let them go off and work on separate rooms.
I have a sublingual that refused to help at all but wants to control and block everything.
I am really sorry your wife is shutting down. That is not helpful at all. Id have a coming to jesus moment with her, that is not being a good partner. It is so stressful and you need help. It is overwhelming for you not her. I'd remind her of that. But I'd hire help if you can. It will go so much faster that way. Or have a company come in and auction it. Altho I had 2 very bad experiences with that. I didn't go that way, and they are greedy. You can put some items for sale on Facebook marketplace, and offer up. Sold quite a few items on there.
Do not have them meet you at parent's house. I had better luck having them meeting me at entrance to my development. That way if they don't show, you didn't waste an hour loading, driving it to a public place. I had a lot of no shows when I'd meet at public place.
I know there was some days I didn't want to get out of bed. I still don't some days. I went and got Sam- e and that helped a lot.
Kenchanting on here and venting. I feel your pain.

Gold luck.

I sold my parents. I would have liked to move to that area, eventually. It has more than doubled in value. But I am not sure renting it for a number of years would not have been a headache. Probably a toss up financially. Not so, if we had moved there immediately.

I had to do that for my parent's house in a lovely part of New Hampshire. It was so full of memories, but I knew I wouldn't be the one to live there, and as in your case, it didn't make financial sense to keep it. I ended up getting a storage space to store my father's life work as a photographer until I could find a place that would take the collection for a photo archive. My mother is still alive and now lives in a memory care residence closer to me. I took care of the personal things in the house, keeping the last year of statements from their financial accounts, bills, etc. so that I would have a record of their finances. My mother was able to sell some items in a few yard sales and with a place that sold her items on ebay. Oddly, some of my mother's old magazines turned out to be more valuable than I would have guessed. The basic rule is to make piles (keep, sell, donate, throw out). If you think there are valuables, you can get an estate auction place to come in and do an assesment. The real estate broker helped us with disposing of the big stuff, getting a dumpster and people to get the house ready for sale. There are companies that specialize in downsizing, if you want to hire some help. You should ask your real estate broker what would be good to leave in the house for staging. I'd assume that anything like appliances (kitchen and laundry), even if they are not new might be good to leave, unless they look terrible. We also left a large work table and tools that were in the basement. After you empty it out, it might be good to get cleaners to come in and do a thorough cleaning. Sometimes it's easier if you can get a friend to help you, or someone who is not emotionally tied up with memories. The real estate broker can also advise if there is anything that should be repaired before you sell; we had to repair a couple of things as part of the selling contract. Your wife's grieving will be different from yours, and she may not be able to help. All the best to you both.

It is a personal decision BUT Once my parents left the home, it just became another building. I rented it for a short time and it was a bother. Keep the memories but sell the building.

American laws views inheritance separately from marital property (as long as you never “comingle” any funds you inherit, you can maintain this distinction).

Accordingly, decisions regarding your inheritance should be yours alone. You need not consult your wife or evaluate the quality of any unsolicited advice she forces on you.

She may think she knows how you feel, or how she believes you feel, but only you know how you feel

The correct answer is not just based on financials, you may want to separate from this past chapter emotionally, in order to achieve your best future.

Do what YOU want and don’t accept anyone else’s input (including advice from strangers on this forum).

That way, in the end, you will only have yourself to thank (or blame) for the decision.

Once you rent it is no longer your childhood home, when you enter for repairs or to meet with tenants, it will seem a travesty to your memories. Your decision to sell seems very well thought out and realistic - just make sure the price you accept is a comparable one for today's market.
When I cleaned out my parents apartment, I intentionally tried to to donate or give away most of their things. It made me feel good that I was re-purposing their "stuff" and clothing. I kept many things for myself too - but in the end, it's not the stuff but the memories that are always in your heart and life does go on.
My condolences and warmest wishes for a positive outcome.

Rental income makes more money than anything else.
I say you should give your wife her share if what would need to be done to rent it out and go for it, use it as a rental and if it doesn't work out, you can always sell it.

Realestate is about the best investment you can make.

You can also do a little fixing up a little at a time.

My husband and I have owned multiple rentals. Unless you live near the property, managing maintenance, repairs and the renters can be very stressful. Trust me, a house that age is going to need repairs in addition to general maintenance. Your wife probably sees renting the property as a way to generate silent income. Trust me, it won’t be silent. I would definitely sell it in today’s market. I think it’s thoughtful that you are considering your wife’s opinion. However, heating and air conditioners can go out at the most inconvenient times for the owners. The maintenance in between leases/renters can also become costly even if you require a large deposit. Again, property management from a distance is not a piece of cake, unless you pay a local company to manage it for you and again, that’s an added cost. Best of everything to you!

I think its very kind and considerate to take your wifes opinion and thoughts on the matter into consideration. Then as the man of house make the best financial decision for the family and it sounds like you have. We dont take material things with us when we die and memories live on in our hearts. Best of luck.

Being a Landlord is a Pain in the ass and if the House Isn't close by even worse. Sell It . Buy a condo or something in Florida Thats Low maintenance. I sold a couple Places and feel Immense relief . Fixing Broken sewer pipes , replacing a roof , Renovations , rebuilding a Porch and Patio , new water heaters , dryers, etc. it is never ending . Either invest or Buy a small property for retirement . Plus you never Know what you are going to get with tenants - its really not worth the Hassle . Your taking care of even More people . Give yourself a break and let go . I Lost my Mother and brother in one year . Then I had to renovate 2 properties and get tenants . Even though they were screened thru a realtor it turned into a fiasco . I was burnt Out from taking care of My mother and brother alone and Now I had 3 tenants to take care of . not worth the Money or aggravation .

Sorry for your loss and struggles. Ultimately the decision is yours of course but here’s a thought. Real property is the most enduring, valuable asset there is. It’s the basis of wealth in this country. I know it’s your family home but it’s also an investment, especially if it’s paid for. If you are going to sell it, you should think about taking a small equity loan out on it to update it. You will definitely be losing out on a lot of money if you sell it outdated. Now is still a very good market for selling houses. You might get double or triple what you invested on fixing it up before you sell. Do the research on the area where the house is located. Get a realtor if you don’t know the market.

Keeping the house is a viable plan if your market research says rentals in that area are going for a lot. If you use the equity loan to fix and rent it, that could be the best investment ever. People always need a place to live but the stock market is fickle. Ask yourself whether your monthly return on the purchase of stocks would be more than your return on a rental. Also, which one has the greater risk of loss? In many places, people pay more in rent than it would cost to pay a mortgage and taxes and insurance. If you are renting yourself, you might move in to the house and fix it up and save your rent money. If you own, you might rent your house and move into your parents for a year or so and fix it up.

For a relatively small fee you can hire a management company to deal with the tenants so you don’t have to. Owning rental property gives you additional tax deductions and it’s an asset you can borrow against in the future if you need to, possibly even to buy another house.

I know it’s a hard decision but you are young and you need to think about your financial future. Your wife has a valid point and you should seriously investigate your options before you rush to sell. You might regret it later. Best wishes.

Have a joint meeting with a astute real estate agent and discuss the pros and cons of renting, liability and benefits of getting out from under a home that needs work. Your wife will come around. I’ve been a renter…not an easy job, depending on which state you are in California is rental hell. I would never, ever do it again.

I think it's your childhood home and your decision. Just tell your wife that you appreciate her thoughts on the matter, but emotionally and financially it would sit better with you to sell the home and that's the plan.

Make sure you get the home appraised before you sell the home to the interested party.

This is your childhood home and you make the decisions. Follow your instincts that it is a business decision. Maci CT has given you good advice on investing the long term.

I helped my parents sell their home to pay for their Assisted Living. The home was in need of so much work, it was rather sad to see the state in which they were living. It would have cost at least 150,000 to get that house ready for renters. Money that would never be recouped. It sounds like you have put some thought into what you want to do. I would make sure the offer you are getting is reasonable. The hubs and I contacted a very experienced realtor and he helped my parents get top dollar for that sad house.
Family members wanted to buy the house for about 30 seconds until I said, " I am here to help my parents. You'll have to pay market price. It's not negotiable."

I’ll hope you don’t get mired down by the past. I’ve done the home clean out and selling, and while I know it’s an individual experience, I really found that dragging it out and hanging on to many things only made it worse. It’s the people you miss and surrounding yourself with their stuff doesn’t heal the wound. It’s actually been nice to see my parent's home with a new owner in it. It’s all lit up and decorated for Christmas and that brings me a smile. I hope you can find the same

You do what you think is best. It's really not her call. When it's time for her family, let her make her own decision as well. I feel that she is still in grieving mode and maybe it's too soon for her to adjust? Is the buyer willing to wait a few months to purchase to give your wife time to adjust? Perhaps promise her( and follow through) with a trip on vacation or something you know she will enjoy. Or...if she's wanting to update your current home, take some proceeds and fix the place up. Perhaps she needs a new wardrobe with massage, beauty parlor, pedi/manicure or a better running car. Let her decide when you tell her you want to do something for her because she did help with your dad, but you can't keep the house. You can still put most of the proceeds into retirement savings. Give her something that she will enjoy. Perhaps that will change her mind?