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My husband has stage5-6 dementia, I have a chronic illness and still work full time. Because it is a family run company he still comes with me and can do a limited amount of tasks. I need a break though. How does one decide what type of care our family will benefit from most?

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I was sure my husband would refuse any out side help, however we now have a home heath company. I told him the Dr said we need a little time away from each other and the Veterans will pay for that, which they do. So two different ladies come for 4 hours twice a week. He really really likes them. First I wanted guys, not available at this time. Now I can make appointments, go to lunch with friends and just be by myself. I tell him on the morning of their arrival, your friend Sue is coming to hang out with you today. He says oh good.
Can’t loose give it a try.
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Reply to Lorraime
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Aging Care is a great website for information. It gives a step by step plan.
I am looking at this same thing You have to take care of yourself. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate.
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Reply to Teresacares76
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Talk to a home health agency. Most can do an interview with you about types of tasks he/you need help with and the resources available through their agency.
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Reply to Taarna
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I would get a Caregiver who has experience to care for him at home 2 or 3 days a week or what ever U need to give u a break n help the both of u out maybe get him into something he would like to do so u can get the peace U need too
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Reply to Youland
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In my very limited experience make the the facility you choose will really be able to take care of them. Took my mom, with dementia to a AL village that said they take memory care people too. 3 weeks later we were told she needs more care. She can walk and talk and does things on her own, I see rapid recent decline I past days. Late afternoon big change. Found a place that is for dementia patient, all stages and into hospice. I’m single have kids and have to work. She needs socialization too. Luckily she wants to go and knows she needs proper care. Good luck with everything.
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Bepperboo Mar 31, 2024
im in a very similar situation . At present, my husband is in assisted living respite care at a facility that he happens to love. The facility is not dedicated to dementia patients but certainly does have several residents with dementia . The staff is great . Personally , I don’t think it matters as long as the staff is good and that they are taking good care of him
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partnerwife1: Now may be the time for managed care facility living for your DH (Dear Husband).
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Reply to Llamalover47
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partnerwife1 Apr 2, 2024
I do think you are on track. He fights every "new" thing I suggest. I have said we can do "club" which is day care at the nearby senior center, I have recommended bringing a helper in -for me of course,-his response is I won't do that....
I an still working 30-40 hours a week, manage my own chronic auto-immune issues and frankly am exhausted. I currently bring him to work, and that needs to end as well.
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A family run company with your husband's health condition and yours places you in a tough spot. Nice that your husband helps with some of the company's tasks.

Your husband needs help to stay to help with the business in your home. If things get too tough, have him placed in a facility. I think A Place for Mom from the AgingCare website is a good way to start for a facility. You require medical help for yourself and a much needed break. Some therapy may also help.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Ask social worker, MD. Call a local state, national Association (Dementia)
I would recommend you get someone to care for your husband when you go to work. As well, hire someone 1-2 days/week so you can get a respite. If you do not take time off for YOU, you will not be able to care for him, or yourself. You will be too exhausted. You also must take care of your mental and emotional health. This 'work' is very difficult and you must put yourself first. Gena

Look at this website:

https://www.dementiasociety.org

In part, it says:

We are Here to Help - Our programs bring much-needed education, local resources, and life enrichment to individuals and families impacted by Dementia.

​We recognize Dementia caregivers and innovators and raise HOPE by spotlighting relevant research to discover cures and causes and encourage early detection and meaningful interventions.

Dementia Society of America is your volunteer-driven 501(c)(3) nonprofit charity serving the nation for all causes of Dementia, including:

Alzheimer's (AD), late & young-onset
Vascular Dementia
Mixed Dementia
Lewy Body Dementia (LBD)
Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD)
CTE, TBI, NPH, HIV, L.A.T.E. & others...

Do you need basic Dementia information?

As a Voluntary Health Organization, we focus broadly on all forms of Dementia, sometimes also referred to medically as Major Neurocognitive Disorders (NCD). We have collected top resources from across the country and around the globe for you! We're like a Dementia association, Dementia foundation, and Brain Health resource center - all rolled into one. The Dementia Society of America is here for everyone.
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Reply to TouchMatters
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partnerwife1 Apr 2, 2024
Thank you! the dementia society is new to me!
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You will find out when you schedule an appointment and visit an AL and MC. Some facilities have both to save time and trouble. When you speak to a marketing person, you will be asked questions and then learn which one is best. If there are complicated medications involved then sometimes it will mean a step up. It also depends on your state scope of practice so you will not have to visit many places because you will get the same answers
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Reply to MACinCT
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Ask his primary care provider or neurologist.
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Reply to swmckeown76
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Have you looked into the Adult daycare Center in your area? They are great. You can have your loved one there up to 8 hours a day, 5 days a week if you want, and they serve breakfast, lunch and a snack, and have different activities daily.
Those in my dementia caregiver support group that have their loved ones in one say their loved ones LOVE it there.
You can also check with your Area Agency on Aging to see what other options you may have.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Fawnby May 10, 2024
We avoid the adult daycare available to us because we don’t think that they do enough to protect volunteers or attendees from Covid, RSV or anything else. People have said that they got Covid there (it’s the only place they ever go, so they were sure).
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Call Council on Aging in your area. They will conduct a needs assessment for him and can make recommendations for you.

Wishing you and your husband all the best.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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partnerwife1 May 10, 2024
My local Area on Aging Agency did not even offer to refer me to somewhere to get an assessment done- let alone do an assessment! I My husband flat out refuses to go to day "club" or AL so I can have a break. He is so self centered that even when presented as fun or for my health he responds "I have a house".
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Consider
1) health - backup caregiver(s) for hubby? who's caring for you? Respite arranged? In-home care needed now/soon? Support network on hand (disease progression, new meds/therapies, commiseration and commendation, etc.) for both of you?
2) family/home needs - house cleaning, bill paying, meals
3) business - disaster planning can include health contingencies of owners

Best wishes to you both on all fronts.
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Reply to ravensdottir
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Only you can know all that is involved here.
Only you know how much and what kind of break you need.
You may need to discuss some respite care with hubby.
Only you can make these decisions; we can but wish you the very best in making the best ones.
What you are going through is doubly tough. No, triple tough. I am so sorry and so wish you the very best.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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TouchMatters Mar 30, 2024
If she discussed respite care with her husband, he may say "No" out of fear, confusion, not wanting to be around someone unfamiliar. This writer likely cannot 'discuss' as he has dementia. What she can do is 'introduce - as her friend" a person to him, once hired. Gena
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