Hi. How do you all try to stay happy when you know a loved one (my mom) is so sad because of her Alzheimer’s, being in a memory care facility and the loss of her husband? The thing is before this all happened she was severely depressed when she was diagnosed. We tried to tell her things could be so much worse. Then my dad and brother passed, then I had to place her in ALF. Each think worse than the next. I know she’s getting the best care to stay safe but it’s hard to have a loved one so sad. How do we enjoy life?
Her depression is a function of the fact that her brain no longer works properly. Depression is a real medical condition that requires medical intervention.
Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist? Is she taking prescribed medications for depression?
If not, please arrange for her to be seen.
Your mother appears to be a depressed person, there are people like her who stay depressed most of their life as they are unable to deal with life on it's own terms.
Happiness is an inside job one cannot make another happy nor can we carry their burden of misery.
In the span of 10 years I lost my husband, my father and my cousin who was like a brother to me. I had to handle their affairs after death, one after the other having to push through.
I am 72, and only have one life, I see the beauty in the world, I cherish my friends and remaining family. I am optimistic and happy to be here.
I just placed my mother in AL, having placed my step father and his wife in another in July, they both are safe and enjoying their life as it has been presented to them at this point in their lives...my mother being 94 and my step father 90.
It's not so much the circumstances at hand...it is how you handle it...don't allow her to drag you down into her deep hole.
Life is a song worth singing...sing it!
We just look for what might be positive with their care and take solace there. Almost all aspects of what I call the shelf life of my mother's is slowly diminishing. Teeth,eyesight,bladder are failing. I take her to specialists for the routine checkups often knowing the news will not be good.
My mother is 89. For many years she neglected her health. Now at this stage she wants to do all she can to prolong it. I certainly wish she might have started the process sooner and I had implored her to do so which fell on deaf ears. So all I can do is go along with the ride of declining health helping as much as I am able which generally seems fruitless yet I continue.
Acceptance of the reality may help with your mental state. Perhaps you might seek a support group with others who share your plight. I wish you continuing strength. There are better days and worse ones. I just hope to find peace in general for my own well being.
Even in the darkest of days, there is something to appreciate and enjoy in life. Sometimes we may have to open our eyes to see it and it may only last a few minutes, but live that happy moment fully. Those moments can recharge your energy and carry you through the day's more difficult hours.
All you can do is be there for Mom. You cannot change what a desease is causing. If she has a neurologist maybe he can prescribe something.
You can feel empathy for your Mum, you can grieve your Dad and DB, but you are also allowed to live and enjoy your life.
Have you had any counseling or therapy?
As for ourself, we can try to do something enjoyable like a class, or social meeting etc. Even working on a goal and accomplishing something feels good.
Make a gratitude list. That helps too.
All the best