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My mother-in-law is in the early/moderate stages of dementia. There is a wonderful Memory Center here in NY which has many activities that I would like to see her get involved in (she lives alone and does not have a large circle of friends). The problem is Mom was never told she has dementia nor does she admit to having any type of memory problem what so ever! How do we try to get her involved when the place clearly states it is a "Center for Memory Disorders, etc"? All answers are appreciated!

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I"d like to see my husband do this, too. He is in the early/moderate stages of dementia, too, but won't admit it. He says he "just forgets things once in a while". He was a very successful, on-the-road salesman all his life, out-going and made friends easily. Now he doesn't want to do anything with anyone. Just wants to sit in the recliner all day sleeping or watching TV. It sure would be great to get some ideas of how to get him to socialize again. Wish I had some suggestions for you; maybe we'll both benefit.
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I don't understand not telling people they have dementia. My husband had symptoms for years, and we couldn't get a diagnosis because it was early onset. It was such a relief, for both of us, to know what it was and even though we couldn't cure it, there were things we could do. We openingly talk about it between ourselves and others. It has really helped him accept his limitations, because he knows it is a disease and it is not his fault. Then together, we talk about things we can to slow down the progress, such as keeping active, or keep everyone safe, like him not driving.

My husband had a time when he didn't want to go out. Partly caused by anxiety, and when we got meds for that, he has been more willing. The other part of that was he also worried that people would think he was stupid, but the fact that we are open about his diagnois helps. I've told him we are all getting older, forgetting things, and he is just doing it faster, and people can be understanding if they know. Also, people can learn from us about this terrible disease and maybe it will help someone else.

Sometimes he is afraid of new doing new things, so I tell him, "let's just go and watch, and see if it is something we would like to do." Then I ask if he wants to give it a try, or I try it first and ask if he wants to join in. Because our friends know, they are amazing. When we play cards or board games, everyone cuts him some slack, helps with hints, or bends the rules so he can participate. When he says weird or silly things, because he is using the wrong words, they go with flow.

Knowing something is wrong, keeping it secret, or trying to pretend everything is ok is scary. I think staying home is a way of keeping the secret. Knowledge it power. Talk about things and work on solutions together.
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My mother is in a great CCR in independent living still, but very depressed and lonely and thinks moving out will solve her problems I have a couple of lovely women who take her places (Arthur Murray dance studio!), but part of the problem is also her basic personality issues. Some of these suggestions seem very helpful - I am glad to have seen this post.
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You may try to pose it as she is volunteering there to help others. Some activities revolve around doing things that help others. (I am an activity assistant in a skilled nursing facility and often structure my activities that way) Or you may pose it in a way that these activities are preventative measures to help her. The old "if you don't use it you lose it" approach. I hope this helps. My mom lives with me and has no friends because she has been transport away from the only place she has lived for the past 65 years!!! (shes 82) I wish I could get her in a center too!
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i started with taking my mom to the local senior center to play bingo .25 a card and bunko and to social lunches they have.she loved it and met lots of folks,now she is getting worse i try to take her but it very hard for her.but everyone is always glad to see her even if she doesn't remember them.i have made good friends there as well.someone to talk to that see every kind of issues and are always friendly.
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Trustpact4, yes SUFFOCATING is an apt word. It is Saturday night and another day and night of total togetherness, making me truly nuts. I can't wait for Monday and the Adult Center to come. I sometimes get sad and think is this what my life will be like for the rest of my strong years, and then I just pray and let it go.
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tooyoung shares wonderful words of wisdom that i am drinking in. Thanks so very much for sharing. Sooooo true, so spot on! So difficult, and yet so simple (as is most wisdom). I too am fairly certain that I am in this to develop patience and the understanding that I cannot control everything (or anything?) (SO well said!).

The depression and misery is greatest when I resist these things and look past them to focus on the big picture (my "lot in life") rather than to allow myself to learn the lessons of each moment. What helps is continually reviewing the understanding of the condition of dementia, which allows me to draw on feelings of compassion for my mom. The difficulty (slippery slope) is being able to maintain more compassion than indignance and annoyance at the behavior that is not logical or intentional - but is sooo easy to take personally. And it takes a lot of prayer for me to get through all the times of failure at that.
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Perhaps you can start with an Adult Day Center, your MIL may not at this point not need a memory center right now, my mother is in the Adult Day Center and it is good for her and for me. I don't think though that she will even recognize that it states a Center for MD. My mother does not think she has dementia, and the doctors have not told her??? This used to puzzle me why but now I just go with the flow, I know and she knows her memory is not that good. So, I would just have her go there and enjoy it, I don't think she'd notice.
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The most important consideration is what does SHE like to do, or what did she use to like to do? Getting her involved is the objective, whether it is at the Memory Center or not is somewhat irrelevant. Try to start with something and someplace she is familiar with. Then try to ease her into the Memory Center with just a visit so she can see what they have to offer and if she feels she would fit in. She is probably aware there is something going on, but is afraid of admitting it to herself even. She is also probably afraid she will lose her independence if she acknowledges what is happening to her.
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My answer for getting someone to change their behavior is: she needs a boyfriend. Something to make her feel Alive and give her a reason for being interested in something. If she's the type. My mother was boy crazy forever. Hey, you never know.
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