How to get my mother out of her room?

Why would she want to make friends when she already has one - namely, you?
All you have really done is change her accommodation (pretty expensive motel...). These places should already have activity coordinators that bring residents together to develop familiarity and ultimately friendships (consolidated in the dining room as each comes to rely on the other). Your visits, although supportive and well intentioned, may be inadvertently breaking down this natural process.

As per your request... Therapy for you:-

Never think for one second that people with dementia lack intelligence. Many years of life experience, combined with the willingness of their children to be readily exploited, can be a potent mix of guilt and manipulation - hey, you might even be thinking all of this is what you chose to do!

Stop enabling your mother. Treat her gently and with respect, but understand that beneath that frail exterior, there lies a veritable factory of scheming and plotting to get their own way.
Do you consider yourself indispensable? Your mother may only see you as a resource in her present condition. Pass on the baton of responsibility as you have facilitated, and enjoy her company in moderation - for your own rehabilitation/transition to living a normal life.

This is not your job. This is the AL's job.

Your mom is allowed to refuse to socialize. You may need to let her be.

If she is being properly taken care of, I wouldn't worry about her socialization. Let het stay in her room if that's her choice, but don't feel you need to take up all the slack or serve as her constant entertainment or social connection. If she chooses to be by herself, leave her by herself.

Your profile says your mother has dementia, incontinence, hearing and vision problems. I’d try to keep in mind that with memory issues a person has trouble remembering names, following conversations, etc. She may be embarrassed to let new people realize this. Plus, she may not be able to understand them very well. I could tell it bothered my LO when she was in AL. She didn’t fit in with those who were not impaired that way. It was just too much for her. Plus, the noise, the bustle, it overwhelmed her. She preferred a quieter, peaceful setting. Once she arrived in Memory Care, she did fine. There, the dining room was small and no one expected anything from her. She fit in better there.

Eventually, she may like a roommate. Even if you have a roommate, they may not be in the room much. Once in MC, my LO spent most of her time wheeling around, sitting in tv room, etc, She did like most of her roommates quite a bit. As she progresses, her reaction might surprise you.

I wouldn’t stop visiting though. Just reassure her she’s fine and support her with her choices. Often, people with dementia know things aren’t right in their mind and they need that support from someone they trust. I’d keep in mind what you tell her may be forgotten each day, so each time it’s like the first time she’s heard it.

I can relate to how you're feeling. My mother is 93 and just recently (8 months ago) moved to a retirement home. She goes to the dining room for her meals when she is not required to isolate in her room (when they've had cases of Covid). There are times when she is happy to participates in activities and times when she just wants to stay in her room. I stopped trying to encourage her to participate in activities and told her I can only visit her 3 times a week. We talk on the phone every day. That's when I noticed her making the effort to get more involved in things. My mom would love it if I visited her every day but I had to set some boundaries or go insane! She calls me about 3 times a day even on days when I visit. You need to ignore your mom's complaints and let her know what days you can visit. Cutting off visits altogether might be tempting but don't do that to her. Just set limits and let her decide whether she wants to be happy or not. Her happiness is not your responsibility. You can't force her to be happy so don't stress yourself out trying. When I decided to just let my mom do what she wants instead of constantly encouraging her she came around. It's her life, not mine, and she is very strong willed. I realize it's been really hard for her to lose her independence so I've stopped pushing and I let her make her own decisions. She is happier and I'm less stressed. Good luck to your and your mom. In time hopefully she'll adjust. Just know that you're doing your best and that's all any of us can do.

May I suggest, if your mom is feeling well with no problems, why not take her and join her in the AL dining room with you. You could perhaps start a conversation with one or two of the residents and maybe your mom will join in. However, I would caution you to ask the resident(s) you sit next to if it is ok for the two of you to join them at the table. Residents in AL and NH are usually territorial and do not like if you take “their” seat. You could also eat and taste some of food with your Mom. Bring along her favorite dessert and surprise her; maybe a little extra for her table friends as well. Once the ice is broken maybe some friendships will start.

You aren’t going to change your mother at this point in time. She is entitled to do what she wants to do. At my mother’s AL having meals in the dining room is mandatory unless you are ill but not every day for 2 months. My mother prefers to spend most of her time in her room reading. It could be worse; she could be crying on the phone every day or very upset over being there but that isn’t the case. Be thankful that she appears to be okay with her living arrangements. Just accept what you have and continue your visits without recrimination.

Pre pandemic most AL's allowed guests in the dining room, if you are able to eat with her there during your visits in might be a way to get her used to going to the dining room.

When we’re trying to help a loved adjust to a major life change, 2 months can seem like a very long time. But for someone in your mother’s situation, it isn’t much time at all. It was a good 6 months before my LO began to relax and enjoy her life in memory care.

You don’t have to stop visiting altogether unless you want to, but cut back to short visits every other day or so.

Absolutely true that she has to accept those who are helping her where she lives.

Her roommate, when she arrives, may temporarily change the dynamic she’s established for herself, but YOU should not be paying for her anyway, and a roommate’s activity may be helpful to her.

If you’ve chosen a nice place for her, and her helpers seem kind and interested in her, back up a little and let them become part of her life.

What if you go eat with her a couple times, so she’s sees it’s no big deal?
You can strike up conversation with adjacent tables and introduce her.
She might end up liking it once you “break the ice,” since she depends on you so much.
My mother did that until I dined with her and she connected with others.
They think everyone is “a senior” except themselves.