I just returned from a visit with my honey at the hospital. After leaving his room, (after the third time while I was there of telling me to get the *bleep* out, I wasn't any use to him and that he did not want me there) I broke down in tears and cried all the way home. His doctor was there ( I had just talked to him a short time before) and I told him I was leaving for the day as my being there was getting my honey agitiated and if he needed anything to call me. Doctor understood. My honey was angry that everything he need required me to lift him and I couldn't do it because of my back. I asked him to call the nurse so she could help get him up and he flat refused. Saying it was my problem (they had him sitting in the chair) not the nurse's. I said I could not do it alone. A tech came in about that time and he tried to lift him (tech was much bigger and stronger than I am) and it took him three tries to get him up while I braced the walker. He said doctor was maybe going to release him tomorrow or tuesday and I told him I would start looking for someone to come in and help. He said don't know how I (not we) will pay for it but it is my problem not his. I told him what I will have to do is have a caregiver in during the day and I will have to go back to work. He started in about how they will not hire me period due to my age. I said part of the reason is my age, but also being a caregiver. I reminded him that we have talked about that aspect in the past and that he is more important than a job. He then threw up in my face about giving me money to help pay the bills ( I pay the bulk of the bills, though I have been out of work since July 2017 and he helps as much as he can). I have never in 30 years seen such a cold, steely, hate filled look as he turned on me when he told me to get out the third time that I was no use to him. I left and I am not sure with his attitude that I want to back up to see him. It was totally uncalled for, mean and scary. How do you handle a situation like this? I am at a loss and heartbroken as he has been my love and soulmate for 30 years and always treated me with love and respect even when we had a disagreement. Since February he has become a mean stranger to me. I don't recognize him any more though other than the edema he still looks the same. This severe edema did not hit until April 1st, but he started being verbally mean around Feb.
Just kind of an update. My honey is now in a rehab facility...he hates it and is mad at me but oh well. I finally figured out if he does not care about my well being, I have to. I have posted an update on some other threads but wanted to touch base. He is doing much better and has been somewhat better on his verbal meanness. (as long as I don't disagree with him or try to state an opinion on anything...oh well. Have found silence is golden.) He is wanting to come home from rehab before his surgery. I have said no as I need this time for my back to heal and to get a few things done before he comes home from his up coming surgery. ) He is still demanding but I am learning to deal with it and still keep my sanity. (smile). Have a great day and week. Hope all is going well.
A cardiologist that is not even his treating physician told him he did not need to go to rehab. Grrrrr. The cardiologist is from the same group as his regular cardiologist and is not familiar with his case. PT and his treating doctors are advising he go to rehab when he leaves the hospital.
I know what you are going through. I've experienced the same. I'm not going to elaborate about my situation but suffice it to say that I know how you feel and you need to protect your heart. No matter what the reason, it is inexcusable behavior. Love yourself enough to not accept that type of treatment. I wish you the best and I hope you can resolve this to where everyone is happy.
I have already made it clear to the doctor that as he is not able to get up on his own, I cannot care for him as I cannot physically hold up to it. [ I am not totally weak as I can pick up a 31lb of dog food using my hands and forearms (not my back) though it does not help my shoulder. My honey is over 236lbs.] Dr said I should not have to and they are not releasing him tomorrow. I did not tell doctor about the way he has been acting but I should have. I will be calling the doctor tomorrow to discuss it with him and see if there might be a medical reason for it. I'll keep y'all posted. Hope my post made sense.
I am not trying to punish him by not going tomorrow. I just cannot subject myself to the same thing that I went through today and want to give it a cooling off period for him. I love him and don't want him to be there alone but I still cannot quit crying every time I think about it. His verbal treatment of me has gotten worse and worse since Feb. I am just afraid that if I go tomorrow it will start as soon as I walk in as it did today.
I have no bitterness, only sadness (and a broken heart) right now. No no family here but I have talked with his brother who agree that I should not go tomorrow. His brother and sister n law are like family to me too.
HUGS TO YOU!
It only takes one incident for a tragedy, do not allow this person in your house, this is months now and escalating, you should be worried and take care of you with precautions for your safety.
Hospitals will try to bully you into taking the patient home, tell them no, no, no. He will not be safe and neither will you, stand your ground and make them find a safe release place and a plan to find out what is going on and if there is any help or is this his new reality.
I am so sorry for your loss, I pray that God gives you strength and courage to walk this journey.
This is going to be a very difficult time for you as the person you have known and loved is no longer the same. You have suffered a great loss in many cases worse than a death.
You are clearly not strong enough to care for him by yourself at home and would need 24 hour care which I assume you could not afford.
At this point I would talk to the discharge planner and social worker to see what options are available for him.
He is obviously very angry and thinks you should be able to make everything better.
Is the stroke fairly recent. His physical condition may improve with rehab and if he refuses to go you do not have to take him home and suffer.
Right now think of your own situation as far as supporting yourself alone and your living arrangements. How realistic is it for you to go back to work even if he was not in your life. If you are not old enough to retire find out what help may be available for you. Don't be afraid to apply for everything out there and get on any list there may be waiting for subsidized housing etc.
Trying to punish him by not visiting is unlikely to work but continueing the visit is something you can control. Leave at the first sign of nastiness. If you don't feel up to it you don't have to go tomorrow. Use the day to collect your self and face what is becoming a devastating reality and most important of all take care of yourself. Do you have family or friends who would be supportive of you. Cry all you want it does help get the bitterness out of your system. There is always someone around here to talk to when you need so come back often.
I know it is hard not to be emotional about this, especially since you were doing all that you could. Have a good cry, and try to realize it isn't anything you did. He just needed to vent and you were there.
As for the caregiver, if you can, tell him the caregiver is for you [Dusti], to help you around the house, and the caregiver will be there if he needs anything.
Oh, you might ask hubby's doctor to have hubby checked for an Urinary Tract Infection. Such an infection can make a person act down right mean.