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I talked about the situation about my husband who has Alzheimer's asking about his deceased mother. It is happening more and more. I asked him about his age and his mother's age and he thinks they are almost the same. I seethis is all coming from his confusion and I just want to know if I should continue to handle it by making up stories or tell him the truth. Some times I feel like he wants to be with her.

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Cheeky79, sounds like it is time to bring out the "therapeutic fibs". Whenever my Mom (who was in her 90's) asked to go visit her parents, I had to quickly think of something that Mom would believe. So I told her that her parents "were visiting the old county" which they use to do frequently. Mom smiled and said "that's nice".


Mom would also ask every now and then about one of her five siblings (all of whom passed) and that was more of a challenge to think up a therapeutic fib. Had to keep a pocket full of fibs at all times.


If I had told Mom that her parents and siblings had passed, she would grieve all over again, and with each day asking about one or another, she'd be grieving some more.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Hi cheeky. I see this question quite a bit.

Most of the time if they ask, something like is mom coming for a visit, just say she is busy today. Things like that be brief and to the point.

But you know your husband best, some demented people ask , you tell them , the died and there like, oh ok, and go on they're merry way.

So it depends on the person, but it's better for the most part to use, little white lies. I think what doesn't upset them one day, may upset them another.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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You know, it is common even in those without dementia to go back to memories. I had an aunt well into her 90s in a wonderful care home in Missouri for many years. She had been like a second mother to me. She was always so good and seemed so content and non-complaining, but I often found her just sitting looking out the window. I asked her about it and she told me she relieved her life, happy memories of her marriage, or going back to her childhood with my mom and another sister. That she was content.

In a mind that isn't strong all of this becomes a kind of "soup" with people entering at all ages, in all their different lifetimes. As our young mom, as our middle aged mom, as our old mom.

I would just continue to do the best you can in the moment, understand that WHATEVER you reply, that reply won't last long, won't matter much. There's nothing we can do about this. I encourage you to just try to accept this. See the one you love as trapped in a sort of magical dreamscape and hope that the dreams are for the most part happy ones. Recognizing that life is NEVER all happy.

Best to you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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