Three years ago, I volunteered to take care of my mother in law who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We got her moved in and was told she had weeks, maybe months to live, she was put on hospice care.....well, a miracle happened and she's still with us at 93 and is cancer free (without treatment)! She now has dementia and my husband and I are not handling her behavior well.
My biggest frustration at this point is I can't keep her from doing certain things, like leave the dishwasher alone. She opens it when it's running, she loads dirty dishes in with clean or will put the dirty dishes up thinking they are clean.
It grosses me out and drives my bonkers mental stress to the max ( I'm type A and controlling)! She also will at times "wash" dishes by hand without soap!
What would you do to remedy this? I made a sign for our dishwasher to indicate clean/dirty, she says she doesn't think to look at that though....how could she miss it though. I often feel she does things that irritates me on purpose! She is very passive aggressive, sneaky, quite and at times malitious.
Help!!
I will admit that with her being my wife, I was more tolerant with her behavior than normal.
She would also try dusting the furniture and a few other things. None of which were done correctly.
You might try asking hubby to put the dishes away and he could see how poor the job she does actually is. Or put a dirty dish in front of him at supper.
Until he has actually seen the results he may not accept the amount of work involved.
I wish you luck.
I just googled “lock for dishwasher” and they are available. Who knew?
If washing dishes is her thing let her wash them all over and over. Some of the pretty unbreakable ones might be fun for her. Give her a dish drain to stack them in. Not clean just wait a few min and pop them back in the sink with fresh suds. Think 5 yr old.
She will not want to do dishes very long. She will move onto something else.
I know I would be very upset with my husband if I were you. He needs to take responsibility for her. She’s his mother. Where is yours by the way? Have you been able to spend time with your family these past three years?
Congrats on the new grand baby. Don’t let this time pass by with you tied up with MIL.
Try to introduce help into your home so that you can live your life.
I am so sorry that happened to you with the police officer. It sounds like some training is In order for police officers dealing with dementia.
But for the small problems try to look for solutions you would use for children. Putting things out of sight and reach. Locks. Disable. You can’t trust her obviously.
Come here and vent. We will try to help.
You've been caring for Mom for three years. Might it be time to explore other options? If she can handle her Activities of Daily Living, such as dressing, toileting, personal hygiene, etc., maybe Assisted Living. There are some, I’ve read, for people with dementia. Or maybe Adult Daycare to give you a break. Your local Area Agency on Aging may be able to suggest options.
Best of luck