How would you prepare for the aftermath of an abusive parent and dysfunctional family's antics when it comes to inheritances?

I know closure is not going to come.

I also know that if you log your hours, even if it is after the fact that the cost of your time and such will need to be addressed afterwards and you should be getting extra monies depending on that. I however, have no need to log but I do have a calendar showing where I was since May, so I know that there will be no one to contest it if that is the route they will each take...they log their time so that they can try to get more later on...I don't know if that is done here though, it is done like that in the States.

As I do get sensitive to slights and such, I been listening to so many Youtubes on Narcissistic mothers just to prepare me emotionally. I have finally learned about how to tell if someone is lying and what manipulators do, so I was well prepared and recognized things moreso as my sister came on strong being so kind to me at the start...only because she wanted me to side with her and keep the "house" in the "family". Yah, ain't going to happen.

My mother had my father (who passed last year) slap me across the face a few years ago, after I asked her about my cousin's son's wedding. She did not want me to go to it, started screaming and he thought I had done something to offend her. Only last month, did I piece together where that came from, she had a fight with her sister and she did not want any of us to go to the wedding of her sister's grandson.

I don't have to worry about the inheritance as she has it split three ways whether I stay or not. I do worry about my sisters smearing me and lying and trying to take it all some how, like a contesting of the will, if that is a real possibility.

I had begun to get paranoid moreso after I was shown the Will. It reads that if I die before the will is executed that my siblings get my share. I have no children or husband (she helped with that but let's not go there). I am the first born and was parentified, and have addressed these things professionally.

Yet, would my sisters be psycho enough to have me have an "accident"...under the circumstances I know they can't be that intelligent but watching all those real life murder TV shows, I can't say that I know for sure what kind of animals I am dealing with anymore. I was that blind, my whole family life has been a lie, and I oblivious.

Thanks for writing back, and yes it is terrible and maddening. It is totally a flying monkey and scape goat situation with you too, I can see that! I feel for you and thanks for your sympathy. It feels good to write this down and feels better seeing others are also in the same boat. This has gone a long way to validating the pain and shows me to see that I have somehow the strength to be there a few hours a day without having to cross paths with the banshees.

I literally show up to make sure she has not fallen or has something cooked and do the dishes. Even laundry and such. I am limiting my hours with her to less than 3 a day and I excuse myself and leave but she is getting weaker and weaker each day.

You know when you have that impending sense of doom....? Or maybe I am trauma-bond to them and can't find my way into my own life until my Mother is gone. Then I can rest assured that I did my best to make sure the house was not overun by rats. (I came back in May to her house to check on her and found rat feces in her bedroom...so being the oldest and not working, I was used to the cleaning end of the shaft...and had the time to do this cleaning).

The funeral date is coming one day. Not mine if I can help it. She probably has less than six months to go. When it does I don't think I will stand for any scorn. I am inviting as many people as I know to help me out and watch over me during the funeral home visitations. I may not go to the after thing with the food, it is usually done in the suburbs, where "accidents" happen to people by crossing the street. Who knows, I may have scared myself into not going to it at all.

Thanks for your kind advice. I will take it into consideration. I know that my sisters are not executors but my uncle is. My mother has been advised she will not be here for much longer, probably less than 6 months, but you can never know. My sister did "love bomb" me when I came back after my mother apologized for her abuses towards me. She then told me she wanted me to sell my share to her for one dollar and "not to worry about it". LOL. I had just the day before listened to a Youtube about how to spot a manipulator, and had recorded the phone call to relisten to it and word for word she did all the things a manipulator does. As if that video had come into my feed via Divine Intervention. I am on Disability and Leave from my work, so as soon as I can I will go back to work. I got very sick and could not handle their stressful relating and ganging up on me so I left. They will make it look like I neglected my father who was dying at the time, when I was really just trying to get me out of the antics and mobbing. They wanted to create fear in me. They didn't have to try too hard. I spent a lot of time on healing and a lot of time on researching how to read people and such because frankly, I don't think I have their street smarts. Nor the money to hire a lawyer. I will keep my fingers crossed and keep helping out a few hours a day. Once my mother gets too sick, I will talk to my uncle and see if he can put her into a hospice for her last days.

Yah, it is true, it is maddening and gladly, I live in my own apartment. Thanks for your kind reply and affirmation.