My husband is in a group home since he can't walk. My husband needs either a man or 2 women to move him from the bed to a lift chair or wheel chair. The man who cares for him doesn't speak English so communication is through the man's wife who makes the meals. My husband has never lied to me in our 58 year marriage and I have to believe him when he tells me the man gives him little hurts or is rough with him. I go to the home daily and the man is young and strong and it is difficult to move my husband when he resists the help. He says he hates the man and I think that although the wife, homeowner, my daughter and I have talked to my husband about the man and to the man about being more careful with my husband I don't think my husband will ever like him. Since I don't see marks on him I can't verify the problem. My husband has dementia but is at the stage of short term memory loss. He was asked to leave the first group home because the women aides couldn't move him without hurting their backs. This is the second group home and I'm thinking that he needs to move again if he is being hurt and is fearful of his aide there. Every move makes him confused and it takes weeks for him to adjust to another new situation. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you and many hugs, irisaz
You have mentioned that your husband resists help when he needs to be transferred. Sure it might hurt when somebody is pulling you off the chair and you resist and fight it. I had residents like that, who would fight me and do not trust me at times, while some another moments completely rely on me and compliment the way I care for them. I had a resident who told me he hates me when I offered him meds, when I told him we do not have cookies in the house (yes, he was on the strict diet and was served fresh fruit cup every time he asked for sweets), when I refused to lay down in the bed with him.... Yes, he used to cry all night long telling me he is lonely, he had a bad dream, he just wants a kiss from me.... He was VERY challenging and demanding... and declining very fast.
So, I just want you to know, if your husband has a LBD (Lewy Body Dementia) or Pick's disease, he might go through all those unpleasant changes and you will have the same problems does not matter where he goes.... I suggest you to observe those moments when he is transferred to see your husband's reaction. You might change your mind about moving him... and trusting his word too. Memory problems may come with complete personality changes.
I would strongly recommend finding another situation for him, ASAP....one that specializes in dementia. It sounds like the facility he's in is not quite up to par.
Also remember that every person with dementia goes through different phases of disease. What you have now might change in the near future. It might be better or worse and sure it's always unpredictable. Moving your husband can hurt him as much as staying where he is now. Consider it and think about how much stress that move will bring to your own life too. Just looking for another facility is very consuming. So, irisas, you are the only one to decide what is good FOR YOU!!!
Because your well-being is as important as your husband's.
The fact that your husband needs so much help to lift / move him this residence does not sound suitable. And he definitely sounds like he doesn't like being there.
My mother complains of pain when the nurses take her blood pressure. She complains of pain if she thinks you are going to do something she doesn't like. I always acknowledge her statement and check her for dark or black/blue bruising. But merely lifting her from under her arms causes marks. If you hold her hand too tightly, if she bumps her shins on the sofa - bruising.
For patients who are sitting around for most of the day, their blood pools and does not circulate. Be careful of accusing the aid of hurting your husband unless there is evidence.
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