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I tell him he is imagining things and I get upset with him. I know you will tell me to try and not get upset but it is difficult not to. He even says to me if you know I am sick why do you get upset?

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That's a tough situation. My goodness...I hope you will get some responses on this. I suppose that I would discuss it with his doctor. Perhaps a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist. Also, I would ensure that the house is proofed for any dangerous weapons. I'd be concerned that he could get overly upset. and make sure you are safe.

I just thought of this as well.  At one phase, my LO was very scared of what was happening to her. She wanted me there at all times. She was not rational.  It was apparent that she needed to have someone with her at all times.  She needed that reassurance and comfort due to the strange feelings she had. She often described it as being in a dream. Maybe, your husband could benefit from someone being with him at all times.  I wonder if being  alone might trigger their fears.
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This is tough because dementia manifests itself in different ways for everyone. You HAVE to go out, if for no other reasons than to grocery shop or take time for yourself. But, when hubby accuses you of hanky-panky while you’re out and you try to explain to him you’re not, he comes back at you with “You know I’m sick, etc.” Interesting. So on some level, he knows what he’s saying isn’t true and by that he means you should excuse his accusations.

A few responses come to mind, “Me???? HA!”, or “With THIS old lady body?” Or take the complimentary tack, “Oh, honey, no one could compare to you!” Or, “I am way to tired for that stuff!” Or simply give him “that” look and walk away. Don’t dignify his remarks with long explanations. Sounds like a little self-pity on his part. Don’t indulge him.
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The answer to your question is that yes, eventually he will stop with the accusations. Until then, by sure you are safe.
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I agree, your safety comes first. If you can consult with a geriatric psychiatrist, there may be medications that would help him with his anxieties. In the meantime, make sure that you take care of yourself. If you are really worried about his behavior you can contact Adult Protective Services to help you evaluate the situation. Wishing you the best.
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My father in law used to accuse my mother in law of having an affair with the priest at church, the mailman, neighbors and family members. It’s all a part of paranoia and the fear that some experience. While it was difficult for her to deal with at the time, she would just give him a kiss and a hug and tell him no one could compare to him and then give it no more energy - arguing with someone who has dementia is pointless.
He stopped the accusations about a year ago and now when she isn’t right next to him he usually asks where she is (every five minutes!) but we’ve noticed even that behavior is changing and often he forgets altogether she is away.
Hang in there and do your best to make light of the situation.
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This may stop.
It is funny, all the things that bother us at one point will stop and new "problems" or "challenges" will arise and you will think back that the other problems you had were minor in comparison.
I did not have this particular problem with my Husband but a few women in my support groups have dealt with this although their husbands were not diagnosed with Alzheimer's but Lewy Body Dementia.
If you have not had your husband to a neuro psychologist or geriatric psychologist that is familiar with all forms of Dementia it might be time to make an appointment. There are medications that can ease the paranoia. It may take a while to find the right drug and the right dose but it would be well worth it for both of you.
Would your husband be a good candidate for Adult Day Care? It would give you a break and give him something to do to take his mind off the fact that you are gone.
And I can not stress this enough...IF he becomes very agitated at some point and becomes violent in his accusations you MUST do everything you can to protect yourself. Even if that means placing him in a Memory Care unit. You can not care for him if you are injured or killed. You can still be a caregiver and advocate if he is placed. But you are your first priority when it comes to safety.
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Remind yourself that it is the disease talking not your husband. And if you are a praying woman pray for grace - I sent that prayer up multiple times a day.

You have received some good suggestions. I would parrot what Sunnygirl said regarding having someone with him. My mother would get so lonely - even if I was just mowing the lawn. They are not in charge of their feelings at this point and when they are alone they feel bad...so it is your fault for not being there and you are who they take out their anger/frustration/fear on. It is worth a try to see if it improves if someone is with him to distract him from your absence.

My method may work for you. Schedule a caregiver to come into the home for a few hours every week to "clean" while you get your errands run. You "need" him there to guide him/her and answer any questions he/she may have. She/he prepares lunch which they eat together, thus they talk, thus a relationship begins to form. In time he/she may become the "friend that comes by to visit". If endorsed by the agency, they may go to the hardware store, out to eat (I gave caregiver gas money and mom paid for their lunches). Then come home and play dominos or whatever. Hubby has an interesting day that includes needed socialization. My mother was always happy when I returned. The socialization was good for her.

Having a set time each week allows you to plan for your doctor appointments, errands and time with friends. You need time on your own to nurture your own needs.
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My husband did the same thing for about 6 -7 mos and then ,I guess because his disease was progressing, he stopped and never mentioned it again.
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Go to your husbands physician and tell him/her what is going on. Something like Zoloft would help to curb this behavior.

Your husband can't help the worrying about you possibly having an affair - my DH was worried about what I would do after he's gone. He is only on 50mg Zoloft and the change is remarkable and he is not all doped up. He can actually smile again! I'm only sorry I held off on him going onto the Zoloft for a full year; I was afraid he would be doped up and I didn't want that for him.

Now at 96, he sleeps most of the day.
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Doesn't matter what man I talk to he thinks that's my boyfriend. This to shall pass. I tell him you are safe. I'll never leave you alone. He needs to be able to see that someone. At day care a lady looks somewhat like me & he thinks it's me so they keep them seperate. Doesn't bother me as long as he's happy. Won't remember in one min.
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Is there a particular person with whom your husband thinks you are having an affair, or is it simply something that he assumes whenever you aren't there with him? I've heard of both situations.
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I am a caregiver for a elderly couple and I get the accusations from the man to his wife that she is having an affair with me. he is 89 she is 87 and this has been going on for 15 months with a brief stop because of a new medication resprodel but he had to stop because of side effects. Restated it at lower dose 2 weeks ago so far so good.
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HappySadCathy: Please ask a geriatric psychiatrist to evaluate him for "Jealous Subtype," which is under the broad spectrum of mental illness.
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Did your husband ever accuse you of being unfaithful before he became cognitively impaired? Many insecure people of all ages are very anxious of being abandoned by their loved ones. Such complaints can escalate into attacks, so I agree that you should make sure there is no danger of physical abuse.
It is hard not to take these attacks personally. If my husband ever would accuse me of infidelity, my first impulse would be to give him a long hug (which I hope we would both enjoy). But Dick and I were very closely attached (he passed away earlier this year). I always believed hugs were the answer to all conflict.
If your husband does enjoy you, you might keep reassuring him that you enjoy him and love him (if this is true). What have you tried so far? Has anything seemed to work? I have a friend who is caretaking her companion who is developing mild dementia. The companion is highly anxious and keeps calling and complaining "Where did you go? Why did you leave me? Why didn't you tell me where you were going?" The companion never remembers that her friend has a good reason for leaving the house (shopping, errands, doctors visits). She doesn't accuse her friend of abandoning her for someone else, but she is still suffering. Perhaps your husband is too proud to phrase his accusations as requests for reassurance. I hope it will help you to focus on his insecurity and his accusations as a sign of fearing abandonment--rather than focusing on how unfair it is for him to accuse you when you have done nothing wrong.
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Thank you everyone for your answers.
Yes my husband believes I am having an affair with one particular person.
He has slowed down on the accusations, but whenever he sees someone
who works for this man he starts to get fidgety..I do not ask him what is wrong I just go about cleaning the house and make sure I am where he can see me. If I am with him 24 /7 he is very happy. He is in the process of being evaluated . I am slowly learning how to handle this disease..
It is helpful knowing I am not the only one out there with this problem and that eventually it will pass.
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First let me say that I truly understand and am sympathetic. My husband is experiencing these kinds of feelings as well, though they are not focused on my having an affair, he has said that he wants us to divorce several times and began packing things into a car that has not been operable in a year. He believes that I am stealing his money and that his retirement income is "his" money and he should be able to spend it as he pleases-on magazines, sweepstakes entries, donations-to everything that comes I our mail. I tried, under the advice of a professional, to stop the mail from being delivered to our home, but picking it up weekly, but that only caused more agitation. I have been told that this type of thing will subside over time and that I just have to keep reassuring him that he is loved by so many people, and that you are sorry that he is feeling this way, but do not argue. It has been very hard for me to keep quiet, to need to explain myself, to justify my actions, the need to be "right". I shed many tears as I think so much about where we are and when I realize that this can go on for years and years. We do have some good days and I am so grateful for them, but most of our days are like roller coasters. The take away for me has been that when he gets very angry, accusatory, that I know it will pass. Sometimes I just hug him and then go start a task or walk outside for a few minutes. I encourage you to involve Adult Protective Services and be assured that they are there for you 24/7 to talk to. If you are in an area that has a resource group like Del Oro, I sincerely hop that you will avail yourself of all of their services. And if you have your own health issues, so not, like I did for too long, do NOT ignore them. I wish you well.
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Dear HappySad Cathy:
I had a very similar experience with my husband shortly after our 50th wedding anniversary. For 2 years, during which time he was evidencing short-term memory loss, he had all sorts of suspicions about me and male friends and relatives. So I know....I sympathize. Nothing I did or said would convince him of my innocence. He was in denial that there was anything wrong with him. To shorten a long and painful story: Our PCP treated him with Fluoxetine for depression which greatly improved his disposition and lessened his paranoia. When finally I got him to a neurologist in December 2015, he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Apparently these delusions are frequently prevalent with Lewy Body. A prescription of Aricept eased off the majority of his hallucinations and also his delusions of my infidelity. So there can be light at the end of this particular tunnel.  I hope and pray that you, too, can find it.
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HappySadCathy: You're welcome. Jealous Subtype is a disorder whereby the patient hears voices that aren't real of his spouse with another person.
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