Husband has had Chronic Leukemia for 4 years I need a break,haven't been gone this whole time. He says "you want to get away from me" grrr?

we both have chronic exhaustion & COPD we live alone with next to nothing support. His Son hasn't been here since December, my Stepson. We have been married 28 years and he had been married for 17 years before me. Anytime either of us brings the subject up and say how bad he feels from the leukemia effects he seems to sweep it under the rug and brings up something with his health or strangers to us. my Husband had lung cancer in '99 which surgery took care of - had a lobe removed, three rounds of skin cancer then this. I have Fibromyalgia,four types of back troubles,migraines, Bi Polar,and have had three small strokes. In addition to my hubby's leukemia he also has diabetes,cholesterol problems and he is at least 100 pounds over weight. Often he cant get up from a crouching and kneeling position so I help lift him up & luckily he hasn't had a bad fall outside of one time when his knees went out on him. My stepson works alot but I don't think it's any excuse not to come see his Dad & I. We also have a Granddaughter who is 16. We need support badly although my Husband insists that he doesn't, although it always cheers him up a bit when we do get company, but on the other hand he gets more depressed when ppl look at him and show their shock about how bad he looks and then they dont like to have eye contact. Alot of times he has had ppl who know us in the neighborhood look at him then look away and either dont say anything to him or talk a few words without looking at him. He also has been getting awfully short of breath both from the lung surgery,his weight gain and the leukemia. His Dr. told him not to feel bad about his weight and tell him since he likes to eat, to go ahead and eat as "thats the only thing you have enjoyment in". 283 pounds,54 inch waist, swollen red ankles and very swollen legs and to me his arms look bloated also . He gets very short of breath when he showers so he doesn't have good hygiene at all, he doesn't care at all. I cant stand it so keep busy with washing blankets,furniture,his truck seat - though that is seldom used, he doesn't let me wash his dirty pants either so they get either a good spray with Fe-breeze or Lysol spray. Wash the floors and spray the Fe-breeze in the air as the odor goes everywhere.He has hyperhidrosis and anxiety, nervous perspiration. It hit me the other day to get one of our old plastic lawn chairs and put in the shower so he can sit. Tried to dry him a few times when he let me Neither him or I can take care of his feet from what the diabetes and age has done to them. I feel just horribly saddened for him to see his depressed state, especially after trying to do things and he cant do them, so he has to come back in to his chair. I am afraid to death to lose him the fear & depression is always on my mind. He is 66 yr.s old,I'm 50. Is it too late to hope that things will turn around a bit and make life a little less taxing on us? Can he lose the weight when he is so obese and doesn't have much ability to walk on account of the weight and the common effects on the body such as knee pain,ankle pain,back pain etc. He has walked three houses down at times before he had to come back and other times he can go around the block. He says he will die and then I'll have a better life, he also says he doesn't have the spiritual strength to help his feelings and to keep going he says he might as well give up and sit and die,etc. I lost my Brother last yr. He had a wonderful chaplain who visited him weekly, my Husband had met her there also and liked her. She also is a chaplain at my church and takes over for my Pastor when he is out. Do you think I should ask her to visit us ? I know it would help me and pretty sure it would him too, but theres the fact of him "not wanting anyone to see him in the state he's in. Am spent in a bad way is needing/wanting to go away for even one or two days selfish or wrong? We dont have a mountain of money either. Have you heard of Hermitages? It looks like a silent get away is what I need. dont know what to think.