Because my husband has Major Depressive Disorder which became much more severe over the past week, I took him to the VA ER per the triage nurse's directions.
His depression was so severe that he couldn't eat or drink fluids. He wouldn't get out of bed. Period, except to use the bathroom.
Here is the twist. I told his doctors this was coming 2 weeks ago. I figured it was another severe bout of depression.
Hubby History: 2015 Throat Cancer, TIA, Anaphylactic Shock to chemo
2017 MCA Stroke that required surgery. Slow recovery, emotionally flat, aphasia, memory and speech issues.
COPD and some other health issues. Brain Aneurysm.
As winter set in he seemed less and less able to function outside the home. He stopped doing chores with me, by June he even stopped mowing the yard [he loves to mow on his rider]. He stopped wanting people to visit [nah, I like visitors, so they came].
He was admitted to the Mental Health Ward for severe 'MDD' and after a team of doctors looked at him, they feel the depression is not related to his PTSD symptoms, but are now related to the brain damage from the TIA and the MCA stroke which disassociate his feelings. Meaning, he can laugh and seem to enjoy things,...when in reality, he doesn't because his brain doesn't let him.
He is emotionally flat. And because of that he can only think negative thoughts and live without any hope.
They are trying a treatment that I never heard of until yesterday. Ketamine Infusion. It won't bring back his broken brain, but they are hoping to stimulate some feelings of hope.
Because he is at the VA Mental Health Ward, he is in Lock Down. That means it is like a prison. He actually feels safe there and is getting a lot of attention from the doctors who find him quite a mystery.
He may come home in a week or so. Let me tell you, this is tough and it is sad. BUT when my son asked me 'how are you mom?' I replied, "Honey, I am on vacation right now!" That was what popped into my head. How awful, but my son totally got it.
On the 2 hr drive home yesterday from the hospital, I stopped at several places and even had a picnic lunch. I cleaned house with the music blaring, made beet pickles, danced with the dog, and sat on the porch with a beer.
I know I should feel awful, but I don't. Right now someone else is taking care of DH 24 hrs a day and I know he is in good hands.
I'll take it.
PS~I talked to DH last night on the phone. His voice actually sounded better and he quipped that the food on the ward 'sucks like mud'.
The sobering thought is that the Doctor told me. His brain is broken and this could be the 'best' he will be. I understand that. My job is to get him out of the house when he does get home and get him doing activities. I told the doctor I would have to burn the bed, he loves his bed.
If he doesn't move and do things, he will revert and his health and mind will rapidly decline.
Fishing?
Picnics?
Day Trips?
I'm going to get his butt moving IF I can.
But for the next few days?
I'm going to enjoy some much needed 'me' time.
2) "His daughter was horrified that I wasn't making the 4 hr round trip drive daily to see him. I told her he is IN lock down."... Ummm, forgive me for asking, I only made it this far through the comments - Has SHE gone to visit her dad????? Doesn't sound like she has, so what right does she have to guilt you? N.O.N.E!
You’ll be better able to continue to give him care if you take time to recharge and care for yourself!
Take care of yourself as much and as often as you can.
All best to you.
Being of sound mind, I would never want to burden my family with a mean nasty version of me. I also know if I had dementia, it would not really be 'me'. I'd tell them to go ahead and put me in a care home, so they can have a life. There are more activities and things to do, than 1 person can plan for alone at home.
Don't feel guilty if his medical care is more than you can handle. That is a lot of medical issues to deal with at one time. Good luck. Glad you are taking "me time".
If the financial resources are there, consider placing him in a memory care community. The staff are trained to deal with cognitive impairment, there are built in social engagement opportunities and a staff of people to encourage him to engage. You can spend as much time with him there as you want without endangering your own health with the burden of his care.
Also he may feel more secure in a "regimental" facility and doesnt feel he's in a locked -down facility ???
You guessed it.
The bed.
But hopefully he can get over this nasty cold he got while getting 'better'. His attitude is better and he feels like he'd like to do something.
I can only cross my fingers.
I did go off on an adventure on Sunday with NO one to answer to!!!
You are amazing,you've coped so well with your husbands illness's, I am in awe with you,enjoy you time to yourself,you so deserve it,and like you said your husband is safe,god bless you..xx
Take ALL the care of yourself you need to and want to. You have been deprived of pleasures for a long time.
No shame, no guilt. Rebuild yourself. 😃💗
The Ketamine infusion and other meds are working right now. He sounds like his old self.
Will it cure his dementia? Probably not, but he says he can't wait to come home and mow the yard, walk, help me work, fence, train mules, and GO Fishing!
It may be temporary, but what the heck, lets take it while we can.
Beer, fresh air and doggy dancing- you go girl😎
But I am taking a day just FOR me!
A team of neurologists and psychiatrists have been working with him.
One week of walking in your shoes would open her eyes!
She paused.
I remember the times bedridden dad was hospitalized. I felt so guilty that I felt so relieved that he's not home. I can come home late from work by going detouring to Ross store and shop without worries. I remembered enjoying the very relaxing nights. Because he was verbally abusive to me when he was in the hospital, my family told me that I don't need to visit him.
Yep, I dreaded the day he was released from the hospital. Back to the daily caregiving grind. Go and have fun!!!
And after all of that, I don't even get to see him. I told him on the phone that he could ask me to come, but I wasn't just going to pop in for a visit.
I am going to take a trip on Saturday or Sunday, a day trip with hiking and a picnic. I don't want anyone to come along. I just want to be alone to enjoy myself.
When I am home, I do visit often with my young neighbor and her kids. I feel like Gollum in Lord of the Rings! My Time is Precious! I will protect it.
PS~ I told his daughter to go visit him if he wanted her. She is 40 minutes from him. I also called MIL's Guardian and told them to pick up the slack on their end.