This is not the end of your life. Give us a little more about your story so we can help you get through this. Seventy-five is not old. Please do not give up on life.
I will share my story. Maybe, you will see that even though things aren't perfect, there is a reason for me to keep ticking. Those are my cats. I have three thugs and a nightmare. The thugs are the boys, and the nightmare is the girl. This is no joke. My husband died almost six years ago. He died the weekend after Thanksgiving. I spent Christmas with my daughter, afterwards, I didn't see my daughter for almost six months. It was a sad Christmas. Her friend had just broke up with her boyfriend and she wasn't feeling the holiday either. We had dinner at my daughter's house. She had just moved, and I had to navigate through things alone. Luckily, I still drove a car, but the grief was so bad that I felt so shaky about driving anywhere. I was almost immobilized. Finally, I got on an anti-depressant and went to cogitive therapy. I still had some semblance of strength, but mentally I was taxed. I spent three of those years in grief. I've always suffered from depression on and off throughout life, so I think the grief was a trigger for it. After I came out of the grief, the pandemic kicked in and all of us went into isolation. Four months into isolation, I was virtually laid off from my job via Zoom. Nice, huh? So, I took an early retirement. I had no idea how to navigate this mess. I had some things going on in other areas of my life and I was certified as a Certified Nursing Assistant, and I thought that I would take some home health aide classes to return to nursing. After I completed the classes, I found out that I had an issue with a valve in my heart. I got placed on medication and it had my heart barely pumping enough blood. I had the nursing case from hell to be exact and my blood pressure was stroke range. I didn't go back to the case. I haven't worked in almost a year now. Christmas came and went, and after the New Year, I got the booster the first week in January; and two days later, I had the worst case of vertigo that lead to me falling down the steps while taking out the trash. My car hadn't been moved in weeks and my knees were pretty shot. I had enough energy to walk to the trash can to take out the trash, cook some food, wash dishes, and feed the cats. Some days I didn't make it to the shower but I managed to sponge myself down and brush my teeth. I wear a wig, so the hair wasn't the issue. I washed it in the shower and wore it braided. I would wear nice hairdos, but now I have salt and pepper braids. I still have that box of hair dye I'm going to eventually get to. I learned how to work apps on my phone and order groceries from Instacart, and other things I needed since my balance with off and I just wasn't up to driving. I took a Lyft when I needed to go downtown. I could have gone to the store myself, but I was totally traumatized from all that happened. The case I worked was in the neighborhood where I grocery shopped and I wanted no part of that neighborhood after that experience. It took me a month to calm down after I left that case. Then winter settled in, and I was pretty much in hybernation. I was one irritable and disenchanted mess when it came to those job interviews. I was just mad, mad, mad having to start over again in my sixties. I got scared. I stayed in the apartment from January to March and only came out for job interviews and doctor's appointments. I don't have any real friends here where I live, and the few I do have, we stay in contact by telephone since a couple of them live out of state. It was just too risky to have face to face contact.
I haven't been too active, and it shows. I did laundry the other day and today, I noticed I had things in drawers that didn't belong from the past year or so. So, I spent time putting away laundry and straightening out things around the apartment. I have to organize my winter apparel.
To Scampie1 - You're a strong survivor - you have a lot of grit and determination ....and I hope all the tough days are behind you and you will now experience happy and healthy days ahead. I've also experienced a rough few years and am now also trying to navigate thru it all - it's a lot!
Your story is inspirational - and I wish you lots of continued success. Loved reading about the cats...after being a dog-person my entire life, I'm currently helping 5 outdoor feral cats - and I now think cats rock!
Sometimes a person has to be at the very bottom of their life in order to start the long climb back UP out of despair and into the light again. You may be there right now, at the bottom of your life, and READY to climb back up again.
You don't need 'family' or a daughter to help you out of your despair; you only need the willingness to do so YOURSELF, and the desire to make new friends and forge new relationships in life. Sometimes family causes us more heartache than they cure. That's when we decide to choose our family; people that bring us hope and positivity and love, who aren't 'blood' but do more for us than our 'blood' family ever has.
You just have to take baby steps in the right direction every day. And for today, that might mean you wrote this post and reached out to a bunch of strangers who DO get it, and who DO care, and who can give you some positive feedback and guide you to resources to help you crawl out of the pit you're in. You've gotten that here, too, lots of ideas and resources which is a good start.
And if you do feel suicidal, you have a number to call to speak to someone about that situation too.
There is always hope, my friend, and you reaching out like you did today tells me that YOU have hope in YOUR heart! And that's all you need. One step at a time and one day at a time, you can do this!!
Cheering you on from Colorado, and wishing you all the best life has to offer.
OOOregon, It is too early for you to despair of solutions. In your state of mind, you will not likely be successful, but will harm yourself more in a failed attempt. It appears you have already hit rock bottom, and I am sorry you are so desperate and depressed.
Please call a Suicide Hotline and connect with someone that you can start communicating with. Help can be forthcoming a little bit at a time. It is unrealistic to think that anyone can enter your life and fix everything all at once. The most help will be coming from you. Can you answer back?
This forum has people who care, so very much. However, we have absolutely no access or ability to even call 911 in your area. This forum is anonymous, but that is not to say people have not been where you are, have not felt what you are feeling, have not been helped by helping themselves, asking for resources and assistance. Taking that first step to dial the phone. Reaching out, as you have just done by asking your question!
Your life has value. I am going to guess that you still have good cognitive abilities, able to go on the internet, ask for help. But you are so sad, and hurt. But you can accept and receive this as truth. Your life has value.
Get up, out of your bed, and grab something to eat. Even a cracker. Water. You might be dehydrated.
They can get some food delivered. Suggest resources for you.
What kind of help do you need immediately, the most?
Can you walk, walk to the bathroom, wash your face, drink some water?
Have you ever experienced upset, agitation, or depression during the time just before a full moon? That is happening now in the universe and will get better after the 10th of October. You can wait for this time to pass, if you are one who is sensitive to the full moon effects. Drink water.
Call 988 Suicide Prevention Hotline. Call your insurance company. They should be able to hook you up with a psychiatrist and outside help. You can get through this. There is help available and you have to believe you are worth it.
You're not alone. You may be going through what many people go through this time of year, SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder); the shortening of days probably is not helping either.
Caregiving is a long, difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. However, there are limits to what untrained members of the forum can provide for you.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please reach out to experts at the 24/7 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
I'm sure other caregivers will be along shortly to provide more words of encouragement and advice. Hang in there and please take care of yourself!
I will share my story. Maybe, you will see that even though things aren't perfect, there is a reason for me to keep ticking. Those are my cats. I have three thugs and a nightmare. The thugs are the boys, and the nightmare is the girl. This is no joke. My husband died almost six years ago. He died the weekend after Thanksgiving. I spent Christmas with my daughter, afterwards, I didn't see my daughter for almost six months. It was a sad Christmas. Her friend had just broke up with her boyfriend and she wasn't feeling the holiday either. We had dinner at my daughter's house. She had just moved, and I had to navigate through things alone. Luckily, I still drove a car, but the grief was so bad that I felt so shaky about driving anywhere. I was almost immobilized. Finally, I got on an anti-depressant and went to cogitive therapy. I still had some semblance of strength, but mentally I was taxed. I spent three of those years in grief. I've always suffered from depression on and off throughout life, so I think the grief was a trigger for it. After I came out of the grief, the pandemic kicked in and all of us went into isolation. Four months into isolation, I was virtually laid off from my job via Zoom. Nice, huh? So, I took an early retirement. I had no idea how to navigate this mess. I had some things going on in other areas of my life and I was certified as a Certified Nursing Assistant, and I thought that I would take some home health aide classes to return to nursing. After I completed the classes, I found out that I had an issue with a valve in my heart. I got placed on medication and it had my heart barely pumping enough blood. I had the nursing case from hell to be exact and my blood pressure was stroke range. I didn't go back to the case. I haven't worked in almost a year now. Christmas came and went, and after the New Year, I got the booster the first week in January; and two days later, I had the worst case of vertigo that lead to me falling down the steps while taking out the trash. My car hadn't been moved in weeks and my knees were pretty shot. I had enough energy to walk to the trash can to take out the trash, cook some food, wash dishes, and feed the cats. Some days I didn't make it to the shower but I managed to sponge myself down and brush my teeth. I wear a wig, so the hair wasn't the issue. I washed it in the shower and wore it braided. I would wear nice hairdos, but now I have salt and pepper braids. I still have that box of hair dye I'm going to eventually get to. I learned how to work apps on my phone and order groceries from Instacart, and other things I needed since my balance with off and I just wasn't up to driving. I took a Lyft when I needed to go downtown.
I could have gone to the store myself, but I was totally traumatized from all that happened. The case I worked was in the neighborhood where I grocery shopped and I wanted no part of that neighborhood after that experience. It took me a month to calm down after I left that case. Then winter settled in, and I was pretty much in hybernation. I was one irritable and disenchanted mess when it came to those job interviews. I was just mad, mad, mad having to start over again in my sixties.
I got scared. I stayed in the apartment from January to March and only came out for job interviews and doctor's appointments. I don't have any real friends here where I live, and the few I do have, we stay in contact by telephone since a couple of them live out of state. It was just too risky to have face to face contact.
I haven't been too active, and it shows. I did laundry the other day and today, I noticed I had things in drawers that didn't belong from the past year or so. So, I spent time putting away laundry and straightening out things around the apartment. I have to organize my winter apparel.
Your story is inspirational - and I wish you lots of continued success. Loved reading about the cats...after being a dog-person my entire life, I'm currently helping 5 outdoor feral cats - and I now think cats rock!
You don't need 'family' or a daughter to help you out of your despair; you only need the willingness to do so YOURSELF, and the desire to make new friends and forge new relationships in life. Sometimes family causes us more heartache than they cure. That's when we decide to choose our family; people that bring us hope and positivity and love, who aren't 'blood' but do more for us than our 'blood' family ever has.
You just have to take baby steps in the right direction every day. And for today, that might mean you wrote this post and reached out to a bunch of strangers who DO get it, and who DO care, and who can give you some positive feedback and guide you to resources to help you crawl out of the pit you're in. You've gotten that here, too, lots of ideas and resources which is a good start.
And if you do feel suicidal, you have a number to call to speak to someone about that situation too.
There is always hope, my friend, and you reaching out like you did today tells me that YOU have hope in YOUR heart! And that's all you need. One step at a time and one day at a time, you can do this!!
Cheering you on from Colorado, and wishing you all the best life has to offer.
It is too early for you to despair of solutions. In your state of mind, you will not likely be successful, but will harm yourself more in a failed attempt. It appears you have already hit rock bottom, and I am sorry you are so desperate and depressed.
Please call a Suicide Hotline and connect with someone that you can start communicating with. Help can be forthcoming a little bit at a time. It is unrealistic to think that anyone can enter your life and fix everything all at once.
The most help will be coming from you. Can you answer back?
This forum has people who care, so very much. However, we have absolutely no access or ability to even call 911 in your area. This forum is anonymous, but that is not to say people have not been where you are, have not felt what you are feeling, have not been helped by helping themselves, asking for resources and assistance. Taking that first step to dial the phone. Reaching out, as you have just done by asking your question!
Your life has value. I am going to guess that you still have good cognitive abilities, able to go on the internet, ask for help. But you are so sad, and hurt. But you can accept and receive this as truth. Your life has value.
Get up, out of your bed, and grab something to eat. Even a cracker. Water.
You might be dehydrated.
Baby steps.
Next?
They can get some food delivered.
Suggest resources for you.
What kind of help do you need immediately, the most?
Can you walk, walk to the bathroom, wash your face, drink some water?
Have you ever experienced upset, agitation, or depression during the time just before a full moon? That is happening now in the universe and will get better after the 10th of October. You can wait for this time to pass, if you are one who is sensitive to the full moon effects. Drink water.
There are so many, I see, on the map in Oregon.
If you aren’t at this point, figure out what you, yourself, can do to make your life better.
Please get some help.
Caregiving is a long, difficult road, and we're happy you have found the support of others here on this site. However, there are limits to what untrained members of the forum can provide for you.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please reach out to experts at the 24/7 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
I'm sure other caregivers will be along shortly to provide more words of encouragement and advice. Hang in there and please take care of yourself!
Suicide Helpline: Calll 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
We're here for you............please call both numbers asap.
P.S. Senior Services in Oregon
https://www.oregon.gov/dhs/SENIORS-DISABILITIES/SPPD/Pages/index.aspx
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