I could really use some advice. My mother has been in a nursing home for over 1 year. She shares a room with 2 residents.

What has been the answer to your complaints? I SO sympathize here. Were I ignored this long I am afraid I would be considering some dire measures. Given that, how often do the roomies tend to switch out? Might you try living with this for a bit and see if "things change"?

I meanwhile might tend to look into some board and care if this is still an option for living and if there are any assets to cover?

I wish I had a better answer. Were I your Mom I would be quite desperate.

The residents at my brother's ALF became very creative about the communal TV when a particular HOH resident took it over, disturbing the entire one end of the cottage living facilities. There was no end to "lost" remotes and other odd occurances.

When this happened with my mom, the DON ordered headphones for the offending resident and she was instructed to use them.

When she became crazier, started hoarding and shouting obscenities, I wrote to the DON, SW and executive director, telling them that my mother was being subjected to an abusive living environment and that legal consequences would be forthcoming. I cc'ed mom's lawyer.

The offending roommate was moved the next day.

Paper trail. Actionable "threats"--legal action and reports to the Joint Commission on Nursing Home Accreditation.

Making phone calls and being polite will get you no where. Put it in writing.

Sounds like you have done all you can. I hope that they take your complaint seriously.

They need to move the woman. The other 2 residents have rights too.

DHs Aunt had a roommate that did not like TV, she chose not to have one so complained about Aunt having one. We bought Aunt a headset with a long cord. The handyman took the cord from the TV up into the drop ceiling and down to Aunts chair. That way the woman could not hear it. But then she complained she still could see it. 😏

Who is the boss of the DON? Go over her head and make a stink. I agree with someone else to put it in writing. Papertrail. Letter from attorney or ccing atty might light a fire under them. I'm sure they are shuffling this annoying roomie around since she is a problem child.

If they don't respond in a positive fashion in the very near future, I would tell them you are looking for a new place for your mom. Does have physical issues that necessitate her living in a SNF? Or would a memory care facility perhaps work better due to her dementia? Start looking around and see what you can find.

I can't believe there are THREE in a room! Yuck! I would hate that.

Best of luck!

My mom was put into a room with someone like thst!!

that was because my mom had aphasia… she couldn’t talk. I stopped paying them rent… I should have moved them… bith mom and aunt were at same facility and they lived in samevrooom… manager said it would be better for them to be placed in separate rooms..why? Because they had a bed in the room with the person who had her TV ON 24/7…

ya, if they don’t do anything, like turn down the sound, put a barrier up so she doesn’t see the tv on, then simply unplug the Damn Thing… and remove battterues from remote.
if that doesn’t work, you msy sugggestvto management thst the TV patient wears headphones to watch tv..

I SAY UNPLUG TV!! HOW DARE THEY SUBJECT 2 patients Because someone thinks they have to have the TV ON 24/7!!!
EITHER MSNSGEMNT TELLLS FAMILY GET HER headphones so she can listen /put up light blocking curtains around her bed so your mom and other RM don’t have to be subjected to TV flickering..
if TV is a smart TV, program it, do it only stays on for one hour a day, and volume only goes so high… and program it so it goes to one channel, you know the one… when you start flipping channels there is one that you stop st, and say:: REALLY? why… then you sigh and skip over it..

had that experience… how rude if management.. talk to the other RM’s LO’s and do something about it..

I agree they need to move the wonen that’s causing problems and put her in a room by herself. That’s not fair to the ones in the room they way she’s acting. If you know the family of the woman or if she has family coming into see her I would talk to them and see if they can have her moved to a room by herself

Read and closely examine the contract signed when she moved in. A friend did that and found a clause that she took to the administrator and had a new roommate moved who was yelling out all night. I don't know what the clause said, but yours may have something similar that would be appropriate to use. If you find one, put it in front of them and just like you have to obey the contract so do they.

1. Write to the City/County / State, whomever oversees there NH in your case. If you have an Elder Affairs Council, include them. Explain how the constant loud noise is agitating your Mom, this is bad for her health. Detail how you have asked for help from staff and they are not at all responsive.

2. When you visit, as you enter Mom's room , put on the call button ( call button response times are recorded, as required by medicare). When staff com into the room tell them in a very soft voice that nobody can hear anything with all this noise and it disorients you Mom. If they do nothing , call again and ask to speak with DON, again very softly. After 14 days you can ask for a case management meeting to review how unresponsive the staff is. You are entitled to know how long Mom has to wait for responses and what is being done.

3. Also you can record the loud tv, and roommate. Then ask to speak with DON, or higher. Play the recording while you are in their office. Ask them how long you should sit there before they realize the conditions unhealthy.

We have had the same problem at my mom's nursing home. One time there was a resident that yelled for help anytime she was awake for no reason. The staff would need to run up & down the hall to check on her. A cna told us that when they ask why she was yelling, she said it was because she wanted to. I asked several times why she wasn't moved into the memory ward. I was given every excuse possible; her family didn't want her moved or evaluated, no one else felt it was a problem, the director disagreed after spending time on the floor. I told them that neither I or my mother were imaging it. Finally, I made a formal complaint & asked if they needed it in writing from my attorney. That week she was moved.
My mom's next roommate was not only rude, she was combative & disturbing. She became angry & my mom felt threatened. She was afraid to go to sleep that night. We called the director & she was moved that day.
Your mother has a right to dignity and respect. This includes a safe health care setting, free from mental, verbal, physical or sexual abuse; neglect; exploitation; and harassment. Inform them that you will contact an attorney if the problem is not addressed.

That’s abusive … 3 in a room ???
with one roommate like this ??
why allow that to continue ??
i’d move mother asap !!! Find a decent place for your mother.

Lord, in a lot of ways the new roommate you describe could be my FIL. He can't hear a thing (well barely - he has about 70% hearing loss and refuses to wear his hearing aids) and can see just about as well. But he will not turn his tv off. Just recently the cable went out in the facility and you would have thought that the power was off and they had no heat in sub-zero temps with the way he was acting. When we call him (or when he calls us or "butt dials" us which is much more frequently) we can barely hear him for his TV. He has no idea of what he is watching and it is so loud that I can hear it through DH's phone (that is NOT on speaker phone!!)I say all of that because this was one of the MANY reasons we knew going in he would need a single, private room. HE thinks it was for him. But quite frankly - it was more for the sake of any potential roommates. They didn't deserve dealing with him as a roommate. He would never be able to share a TV or a bathroom or even the space itself without being a jerk about it. It would take another very strong personality to balance sharing a room with him and most people don't have the energy for it. I agree with others. The new roommate needs to be moved. I know it feels like a reward for the new roommate to get their own room. But often in cases like this - it is really to protect other people more than for the resident themselves. There are just some people that shouldn't be around other people especially if those other people aren't able to advocate for themselves.

Shared room usually means one other person will share the room. The fact that they have crammed three people into one room seems like a lot even if they didn't have conflicting personalities, habits and levels of care.

If they aren't willing to group the quiet folks together and the noisy folks separately, then your only option is to move her. You might be able to find a place that has 2 people per room and cares enough to group folks that aren't going to drive each other crazy.

Good God there is nothing easy about this stage of life!

Switch Nursing homes 🏡 I was very upset when I visited my brother and the room mate had the T V Blssting - he eventually left . One place had 3 guys and there was Lice . My mom was in a place where people would spy on her and grab her belongings . So very sad these places . Luckily towards the end the social worker placed him in a large back room near the forest before he died 4 months later . My moms room mate had a few brain aneurysms and we were afraid of what would happen over Christmas . Speak with the social worker or find a better nursing home . I moved. My brother a couple times . Some of these places are hell holes and shouldn’t be in business . It’s big business . Go on YELP read the reviews they will direct you to Propublicas website of complaints waged against nursing homes and reported to Medicare - you can tell them “ I am reporting this abuse to Medicare “ and you will see how fast they move her .

go to head nurse with statement that you are seeking legal advice about this,

Confer with your mother's PCP and share the observed anxiety, fear, etc etc that you are observing with your mother. It may even be unsafe for her now in the room . Her quality of life is being impacted negatively.
Insist that her PCP intervene on behalf of your mother's health and, that a solution be found; either move the new offending pt or offer a new room for your mother. No one should constantly have their peace disturbed whether it's neighbors in the neighborhood or roommate in facility. Every facility should also have a
" complaint" line to whoever
" owns and operates" the facility; find out who and number and call immediately.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of older facilities that have 3 or 4 to a room (came from the era when hospitals had "wards" (often of 4 or 8) rather than units). Yes, they could make a 3 person room into a 2 person room but owners' tend to look at how much they make by square footage so they would probably see that as a profit loss. The new ALs are built mostly for single rooms In NJ ALs can not have more than two people to a room (this may differ from state to state - I'll do more research) but most NJ ALs accept Medicaid after a specific period of private pay.
Nursing homes routinely accept Medicaid payments for those who qualify and Medicaid will only pay for "shared" accommodation unless there is a documented and ongoing medical need .
Ahh..... I just found the NJ regulation re: space for ALs: (Section 8:36-16.8)

"(a) Residential units occupied by one person shall have a minimum of 150 square feet of clear and usable floor area. Any calculation of clear and usable floor area shall exclude closets, bathroom, kitchenette, hallways, corridors, vestibules, alcoves and foyers unless the applicant submits a written request to the Department to consider an alcove, foyer or vestibule as clear and usable floor area within the context and purpose of these rules and the Department grants such a request. Such request shall be made in writing during the certificate of need process or, if exempt, as part of the licensing application review process.
(b) In units occupied by more than one resident, there shall be a minimum of 80 additional square feet for an additional occupant. No residential unit in an assisted living residence shall be occupied by more than two individuals"

I will post when I find the square footage for nursing homes which is probably a standard measure since nursing homes accept Medicare.
That being said, I would continue to beat on the Ombudsman office door (some states give them more "clout" than others) as well as the Administrator of the building. With all the "private entities" now owning nursing homes, it is difficult to find out who really owns a facility but you can advise the Administrator you will take legal action should your Mother and the other roomie continue to suffer abuse at their hands. You can check with your local Office on Aging to see if they have a roster of Attorney's who will give you a free 15 min consultation to see how you can best follow up on this.
Realistically, you ultimate course of action may be to find another facility for your Mom. Be aware that if your Mom is in a nursing home with Medicaid as the payer, it is more than likely that she will have shared accommodations (look for facilities with 2 people to a room max) and there is always the potential for the "nice" roomie to be replaced by a nut job.
Wishing you good luck and please update us.

Each roommate should listen to TV with ear phones. Everything can be Blue Toothed, nowadays.

FYI
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/any-creative-ideas-on-how-to-handle-assisted-living-roommate-television-issue-448299.htm

Also:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=headphones+that+connect+to+tv&hvadid=410005423133&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9033425&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=b&hvrand=10417603401176207074&hvtargid=kwd-58950368357&hydadcr=19140_11277047&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_16q6y5es5l_b

I agree with threatening legal action although might leave you open to retaliation - some places will dump pts who don’t confirm— my mom had issued a few times - worst was a lady transferred from AL to the rehab/snf area to start hospice my mom was there for stroke rehab tho I don’t think they did any good for her, anyway … this woman was rummaging through her things , who knows what in BR , my mom was unable to get up and could only press call bell and wait , rm would also sometimes yell and rant this lasted a few days then hospice consult was done and next day woman was in bed and quiet her breathing gradually became labored , finally she passed - my mom said the family came for the consult and then again after death.. worst thing - and keep in mind my mom was mentally sound— the passing was extremely obvious with heavy and labored breathing and afterwards body was there for hours until family came — during this time Mom had to remain in room separated only by a curtain , she said she laid there and tried to pray but got absolutely NO sleep all night. Ridiculous

Change rooms if possible. Peace to you.

Monicaj0421: Perhaps the offending 'roommate' can be relocated. Get her physician to intervene as this person is affecting your mother's health.

In California Medicaid only pays for 3 to a room and the particular facility my brother is stuck with has one bathroom for two rooms or six patients. It's a disaster!

Wow! I'm so sorry about your mom's situation. This is the first time I'm hearing about elderly people in a facility having roommates . This is unfair for the 3 of them, really. You need to get your mom out of there if you can and find her a room of her own. Your mom has dementia and it is very hard for her to deal with 2 people at the same time. I hope you will find a solution to this.